The Project Manager Orders Dinner

The Project Manager is back!  This time he “makes a meal” out of ordering dinner.  Do you get it? Do you get it? Yeah? Funny.

Gig 33: SAS Comedy @ Lass O’ Gowrie, Manchester – 11th February 2012

I say it every time, and I sound like a broken record, but I bloody love SAS Comedy.  This month I was performing as Den Kodd.

The genesis of the character started in November last year when I received an email from the lethal duo of Victoria and Uncle Dave saying that I’d been they’d booked me for a gig in February, which was great news.  However, further on in the message was the line “You are Den Dodd and you will be supported by the Daddy Men.”  At first, I freaked out at the prospect of performing a character that I didn’t actually do and had no material for.  But it seemed like a really good gig to be involved with, so I resolved that I’d be able to come up with something.

My basic plan fell into place pretty quickly. I’d essentially be a reluctant Ken Dodd tribute act called Den Kodd.  I’d use the gags from my joke book and fill out the set with asides about how much Den didn’t like comedy and didn’t understand it.  The gig was planned for the day after SAS, so I planned to do a test run there (assuming I would be allowed to!).

In January I found out that I wouldn’t be doing the original gig, but was still wanted to do the character at SAS.  I also knew that I’d need to buy some fake teeth if I was going to fully evoke the essence of Dodd, so, you know, I bought some.  The second I popped the peggies in my gob, I instantly transformed into a somewhat sleazy, scouse bloke whose main goal in life was to unnerve my girlfriend.  This character was soon to take on a life of his own as Terry, “star” of a couple of YouTube videos that I’ve posted (see here and here).  It soon became clear that I wouldn’t be performing as Den Kodd; I’d be performing as Terry who would be performing as Den Kodd.

I had a gig on Thursday (Gig 32) and a busy week generally, so I didn’t feel like I’d had enough time to prepare.  I slightly freaked out on Wednesday night because I felt I had too much to do, but once Thursday was out of the way I managed to relax enough and was pretty confident on what I’d be doing.  I was going to use 18 jokes from the “Joke Book”, many of which I had used at Gig 1, also at SAS.  Although I knew the jokes, there was no way I was going to be able to remember an order, so I jotted down a word for each and had them on a small slip of paper to jog my memory.  As Den was intended to be a bit shambolic, it felt like an appropriate compromise.  I only really had a couple of run throughs, but felt pretty confident in improvising as Terry and had an idea of things I might say.

I was a little nervous on the way over to Manchester, but I totally relaxed as the show started and was just really looking forward to giving it a go.  The hair\teeth combination I had going on meant that people were laughing before I started, and luckily it continued throughout.  The jokes worked well; the character of Den Kodd was almost made for them.  I was also inhabited by the spirit of Terry and his endless quest to shut up his (imaginary) noisy neighbours.  Lots of the ad-libs worked really well, especially when I corrected my pronunciation of book (from buck to the traditionally scouse “buke”).   All in all, it couldn’t have gone much better.  And, yes, I know I wrote the same about last month’s SAS Comedy (Gig 26).

The last two gigs have certainly wiped out the memory of the previous two stinkers (Gig 30 & Gig 31).  It’s also made me think more about the type of comedy that I want to do, as I mentioned in the write up of Gig 31.  Perhaps I should try a bit of character comedy at my next assault on Beat the Frog…

Take A Chance On Terry

Terry has updated his dating profile with more details about his personal life.  He’s a very honest man. Some might say too honest…

Bobby’s Onion Rings Controversy

It’s been a long time since I’ve written about Bobby or any of his delicious snacks.  Far too long.  In my quest for all things Bobby, I had a quick google yesterday and came across this startling Youtube clip about Bobby’s Onion Rings.

Who is this Bobby loving maverick? This video was posted almost 4 years ago, so how is it only coming to light now?  Is it related to the infamous “Snaxgate” debacle?  His claims that the extra 6 pence generated by Bobby’s generous price-cuts will cut through the material in his cheap Asda jeans seems frivolous at best.  Isn’t he taking Bobby and his snacks seriously?? And why claim that Bobby’s helpers won’t respond to his e-mails when they are clearly the most kind, wonderful people in Christendom? It all smells a bit fishy to me.  And I don’t mean the delicious smell given off by Bobby’s Prawn Cocktail Spirals.

If anyone can shed any light on the origins of this video then I’d be eternally grateful.

 

 

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Whatever Happened to my Ten Predictions for 2011?

So, it’s nearly the end of the year, and time to review the predicitons that I made for 2011, here. Let’s go…

Twitter bots will become so disenfranchised with being ignored that they decide to form their own support group. What starts out as a bit of self-help therapy rapidly descends into full-on cyber-militarisation and the bots stage a coup. The bots’ ultimate goal will be to destroy all human users on Twitter. A plucky resistance movement will be started by @johnconnor, who will successfully re-program a bot and send it back in time in an attempt to quell the uprising before it even began. Luckily, as this occurs entirely online, there are no actual fatalities.

Ok, so I’ll admit that I got this one a tad wrong. But, you know, in some ways, that just makes the prediction more accurate. Yeah?

Apple will surpass their own hype when they surprisingly release the iPad 3 several months before the launch of the iPad 2. New features include the ability to “print” bacon from a special slot and a cup holder.

This one would definitely have happened had it not been for the untimely death of Steve Jobs. Expect to see printed bacon in Q2 of 2012. In HD!

2011 will be the year in which being fat becomes fashionable. This will lead to a spate of “I can make you obese” reality shows in which women are force-fed cake by an over-zealous “fatness instructor”. Many weight-loss groups will be forced to fold due to a lack of membership and the cretins who run them will console themselves by comfort eating. Ironically, this will lead them to become incredibly stylish and they’re offered modelling contracts.

100% correct, big pat on the back to me.

We’ll finally make contact with aliens, who turn out to be a race of peace-loving, scientific explorers bent on helping humankind reach its full potential. The general public tire of them within about 2 weeks when they turn out to be tedious, pompous bores, like the Federation in Star Trek: The Next Generation.

My only mistake in this prediction is that the general public were never informed. The US military were invited by the aliens (hilariously called “The Gonkos”) to spend a long weekend with them on their own planet. They politely declined. Boring, boring bastards.

Scandal will hit the tabloids when it turns out that a two premiership footballers are lovers. The press aren’t so much shocked by their homosexuality, so much as a complete inability to accept that two footballers could actually be faithful to each other.

Sadly, the world of football still isn’t grown-up enough to admit that homosexuality exists. I apologise for giving them too much credit.

Big Foot will finally be captured. It turns out that he’s an accountant called Geoff who got lost when he went camping. He’s delighted to be reunited with his family.

Geoff is doing fine and was delighted to see his family again. He’s currently enjoying some down-time and is the new spokesman for a “Big ‘N Tall” men’s outfitters.

Coca-Cola will invent a new variety of fizzy-muck that has negative calories. It doesn’t take off due to prediction number 3 and is withdrawn from the market by September.

I really wanted this one to come true. It didn’t. Bloody ridiculous.

Internet conspiracy-theorists will realise that they were being stupid and that 9/11 happened just the way that it appeared to. They quickly latch onto the lack of any conspiracy being the ultimate conspiracy and look to reveal its lack of existence through a series of poorly conceived YouTube videos.

I was naive. Very naive.

Susan Boyle reveals herself to actually be Lulu in a Total Recall-style fat suit.

I think we can all remember exactly where we were when this revelation happened. I was at home, sat on the sofa, watching it all on the telly. I kind of liked it when it was Lulu’s head but she still had the Subo body on. I have to admit that it was pretty horny.

Pears will be everywhere.

Damn, it ended u being “pairs” not “pears”. I was so close. So, so close.

All in all, I think I did pretty well.

Danny Butler: Poet – “Toast Me”

Pour Some Gravy On Me\Sherby57 Productions are proud to announce an exciting new series of videos featuring top poet, Danny Butler: Poet.

In these videos Danny Butler: Poet will share his love of all things poetical, be that poems, poetry or even verse. In this first clip, Danny Butler: Poet reads his powerful piece “Toast Me”. It’s about toast…or is it?

Watch it, you might just learn something

The poem “Toast Me” first appeared here.

Ten Predictions for 2011

  1. Twitter bots will become so disenfranchised with being ignored that they decide to form their own support group. What starts out as a bit of self-help therapy rapidly descends into full-on cyber-militarisation and the bots stage a coup. The bots’ ultimate goal will be to destroy all human users on Twitter.  A plucky resistance movement will be started by @johnconnor, who will successfully re-program a bot and send it back in time in an attempt to quell the uprising before it even began.  Luckily, as this occurs entirely online, there are no actual fatalities.
  2. Apple will surpass their own hype when they surprisingly release the iPad 3 several months before the launch of the iPad 2.  New features include the ability to “print” bacon from a special slot and a cup holder.
  3. 2011 will be the year in which being fat becomes fashionable.  This will lead to a spate of “I can make you obese” reality shows in which women are force-fed cake by an over-zealous “fatness instructor”.  Many weight-loss groups will be forced to fold due to a lack of membership and the cretins who run them will console themselves by comfort eating.  Ironically, this will lead them to become incredibly stylish and they’re offered modelling contracts.
  4. We’ll finally make contact with aliens, who turn out to be a race of peace-loving, scientific explorers bent on helping humankind reach its full potential.  The general public tire of them within about 2 weeks when they turn out to be tedious, pompous bores, like the Federation in Star Trek: The Next Generation.
  5. Scandal will hit the tabloids when it turns out that a two premiership footballers are lovers.  The press aren’t so much shocked by their homosexuality, so much as a complete inability to accept that two footballers could actually be faithful to each other.
  6. Big Foot will finally be captured.  It turns out that he’s an accountant called Geoff who got lost when he went camping.  He’s delighted to be reunited with his family.
  7. Coca-Cola will invent a new variety of fizzy-muck that has negative calories. It doesn’t take off due to prediction number 3 and is withdrawn from the market by September.
  8. Internet conspiracy-theorists will realise that they were being stupid and that 9/11 happened just the way that it appeared to.  They quickly latch onto the lack of any conspiracy being the ultimate conspiracy and look to reveal its lack of existence through a series of poorly conceived YouTube videos.
  9. Susan Boyle reveals herself to actually be Lulu in a Total Recall-style fat suit.
  10. Pears will be everywhere.

Some Videos

Following the roaring success of “Team Extreme Recreate The Terminator“, I thought I would share with you some of my other Youtube classics.  And when I say “some of”, I mean “all of”.  And when I say “I thought I would share with you”, I mean “I thought I would shamelessly recycle”.  And when I say “classics”, I mean “videos”.  Is everybody clear?  OK, we can begin.

Bobby B Introduces Black Manalishi

At his 30th birthday party, Dave Burley, from The Gravy Boat podcast, made a triumphant return to his alter-ego of Bobby B.  In the following two videos, he introduces us to the Warrington band Black Manalishi.  You can’t really hear what he’s saying because it’s so loud, but it’s still funny anyway.  Actually, it’s probably only funny if you were actually there.  Enjoy!

The Unknown

One of my old mobiles had very rudimentary video editing included, so I cobbled together this eerie video.  It’s really quite terrifying.  What if there really are flying pigs?  It’s also quite strange to see myself with such short hair.

Fireheart! The Movie – Teaser Trailer

I really show my limitations as a video editor with this poorly made trailer for the long awaited Fireheart! movie.  My movie trailer voice is pretty good though.  If you’re not familiar with Fireheart! then I urge you to click here.

Jimmy Cricket @ Warrington Irish Club

On the 18th May 2007 I had the privilege of watching Mr Jimmy ‘Laughing’ Cricket perform live at the Irish Club in Warrington.  The video is of his magnificent entrance.

Team Extreme Recreate The Terminator

Hopefully the video will speak for itself:

Team Extreme like to entertain as well as inform.  This video was created entirely on Cozzy’s new iPod Nano.  It’s incredible what you can do with that technology these days.  Congratulations to Eed for his wonderful acting – I can only imagine that he’ll be winning an Oscar this year.

Man on The Wire

In a recent post about watching the final episode of The West Wing, Gone West (Wing), I stated that I didn’t agree with many pundits opinion that it was the greatest TV show ever.   In the comments section of the post I was asked what is the greatest show on the television, and despite the inherent arrogance in answering such a subjective question with any conviction, only one programme sprang to mind: The Wire.

It struck me that if I had written a post about something that I considered  not to be the best, then I had no justification for not writing a post about something that I do think is the best.  It’s not as though I hadn’t thought about writing about The Wire previous to that, it’s just that when something has been so universally praised, how do you find something new to say about it?  Well, as I type this sentence, I’m not sure that I do have something new to say, or even have a unique angle in which to say something old, but I’ve started, so I’ll finish.

Inevitably, as for the majority of highly acclaimed programmes made in this decade, The Wire was made by HBO in the States, and it ran between between 2002 and 2008.  It’s five seasons ran for 60 episodes, and, in that time, creators David Simon and Ed Burns blessed us with a masterpiece.  So, what is it about?

It’s not so easy to describe The Wire.  If you had to try (which I do), you’d start by saying that it was a cop show set in Baltimore, which follows a police detail’s attempts to bring down the city’s endemic drugs trade.  If you were to leave the description there, anyone who had seen the show would recognise it, but would also be screaming, ‘Yes! But it’s so much more!!’  And it is SO much more.

The first thing that separates it from the norm is that it spends as much time inhabiting the world of the drug dealers as it does of that of the cops.  We see life on the streets from the bottom up, from the desperate users, to the street level muscle, to the ruthless bosses.  And in all that time, each character is treated as a real three-dimensional person, with no easy depictions of clear cut evil.  On the flip side to this, the police are equally human, each carrying their own distinctive, and real, flaws.  The characterisation in this show is second to none, but more of that later.

Season one focuses on ‘the detail’, and its building of a case against Avon Barksdale’s drugs empire.  Each subsequent season then introduces a new theme, and a new set of characters, which are explored in addition to those already established.  What other show has the nerve to introduce so many characters?  I’m struggling to find an exact figure on it, but there could well be 40 distinct ‘main’ characters over the 60 episodes, and you’re sure to remember every one of them.  In season two we are introduced to the city’s downtrodden dock workers, exploring the lengths that the unions will go to for their men.  Season three delves in to the machinations down at City Hall, and shows the deal making and back stabbing of local politics.  Season four follows the lives of four teenagers and their attempts to negotiate the over-stretched schools system.  Finally, season five gives us an insight in to the world of the press, and their analogous relationship to the police (it also features an outrageous plot line that I won’t say any more about).

What’s even more impressive is that each season can be seen as a distinct story, with each episode merely a chunk of that overall plot.  It is extremely brave to do away with cliffhangers and the tricks of episodic TV, but it really pays off.  The Wire is the only show that has made me angry when an episode ends, so desperate was I to see the next.  How do they do that without a cliffhanger?

I’ve not mentioned individual characters yet, nor the performances that helped create them.  Well, the acting is uniformly excellent, and with so many actors to choose from, it would be churlish to pick any one out.  I’m loath to pick out any favourite characters, as to anyone who hasn’t watched it, it would be meaningless, and to anyone who has seen it, then you have your own list (I’m guessing most of those lists have Omar on them).

Maybe the final thing I should mention is that it is a show that doesn’t compromise and it doesn’t pander to the casual viewer.  Street language and police jargon are not explained, and you have to pick them up as you go along.  The plot is slowly teased out as the season progresses, and there are no happy endings or easy answers.  It almost makes watching it sound like a chore, but it in fact just makes the experience all the more rewarding.

My personal involvement with The Wire started when I watched a review on Charlie Brooker’s excellent BBC4 show, Screenwipe, in which he gave his strongest possible recommendation (I’ve just watched that review on Youtube, and it makes me want to go and watch The Wire even more), but since I’m not a big fan of buying DVD box sets, I instead regularly checked its UK home, FX, in case of repeats.  In 2007 I got lucky as that’s what happened, and the repeats were immediately preceded by a Charlie Brooker special, Tapping The Wire.  In it, he interviewed cast and crew, and travelled to Baltimore to talk to some of the locals.  He also talked to some celebrity fans, who, to a man (and I think they were all men), said that The Wire was the best TV show ever.  Now, whenever I hear that something goes off in my brain that says, ‘they’re wrong, it’s DEFINITELY not the best show ever’, and so it was with a bit of awkward trepidation that I approached the first episode.  At the end of the series opener, my unfounded fears were allayed, and by episode 3 or 4 I was hooked.  FX then showed the full 60 episodes weekly, and it was a glorious year in my television watching life.

FX are currently repeating The Wire again weekly, presumably to compete with BBC2′s recent acquisition of terrestrial rights, and I am once again watching.  We’re currently at the start of season three, and I’m enjoying each episode as much as the first time.  The deeply complex nature of the show makes multiple viewings not only enjoyable, but maybe essential.

I’m quite happy to admit that I didn’t find anything new to say about The Wire, but I didn’t really expect to.  I also expect I’ve missed out some obvious aspect of the show that is better than other TV shows, but, with so much on offer, things are going to fall through the cracks.  I could have saved myself a lot of time by summing the show up like this; what’s so good about The Wire?

Everything.

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