Charity Shop Fashion 13

Do I even need to mention that today’s outfit was snapped in the window of Warrington’s British Heart Foundation shop?  I didn’t think so.

No. Don’t look at the jeans and grey sweatshirt combo on the right. Just glide your eyes leftwards and have a butchers at that other outfit.  Yessss. That’s right.  I can feel your penile tumescence from here.

It seems scarcely believable that an outfit could be conceived that was so sexy, and yet the evidence is right in front of you.  The ultra-short striped tutu only accentuates the fish-scale top, with its oh-so-low breast-revealing neckline.  Wear this outfit, ladies, and you’re sure to bag yourself a hunky fella!

Good luck!

 

Charity Shop Fashion 12

Last Wednesday, I posted the seminal classic “Charity Shop Fashion 11“.

Last Friday, the post prompted my friend Joanne to leave the following comment:

What concerns me is the frequency they change their window display. does this mean people have actually bought them? The thought is even more scary than the outfits…

Well, Warrington’s British Heart Foundation shop does not like to be mocked.  Later that very afternoon, I took this photo:

The BHF window dressers are clearly taunting Joanne with these audacious outfits.  If that wasn’t enough, I took the following photo yesterday:

The message is clear: Don’t fuck with the BHF.

 

Charity Shop Fashion 11

Inevitably, today’s CSF photo comes from Warrington’s British Heart Foundation shop.

I usually like to write an erudite and informative blurb about the outfits, but I’ve got nothing on these two. Absolutely idea whatsoever.  What the hell are they?  Where do they come from? What do they mean?

Suggestions are most definitely welcome.

 

Charity Shop Fashion 10

It’s time for yet more amazing fashion ideas from Warrington’s première boutque, Le Fondation De La Cœur Britanniques (British Heart Foundation) shop.

There’s only one word that can describe this outfit: SEXAY! Whether it be the glitzy jacket, the racy lacy top or the bog-chain belt, you’re going to be the erotic belle of the work’s Christmas do in this little ensemble.

Stop the press, who was that? No, it wasn’t Vicky Vale, it was another satisfied customer from the BHF’s designer range.  Rest assured, Autumn\Winter 2011 is going to be ALL about denim shorts that are way too big so are secured at the rear with a bulldog clip.  And don’t even think about wearing a top with your shorts.  This look MUST be achieved toplessly.  You have been warned.

 

The Asdas Muffin Scandal

SmartPrice Logo

Image via Wikipedia

My consumer crusade continues:

Dear The Asdas,

There has been something of a mystery within your Warrington Cockhedge superstore and it’s pricing policy vis a vis “muffins”.

Myself, my colleagues and myself have recently been taking advantage of, what we can only describe as, the bragain price of £1 (sterling) for 4 of your delicious muffins.

Consider our surprise when on Monday of this week, we discovered that the said muffin-packs were now subject of a “roll-back” offer to the less-than-bargain price of £1.40. Indeed, the offer suggested that the original price was £1.58! What manner of wizardry is this, I hear you cry?

To add literal insult to metaphysical injury, today (Thursday), just three days after the roll-back “offer” had been introduced, we discover that the said “offer” had been removed. £1.58 for 4 muffins? Are we suddenly living in some kind of dystopian future?

Is there an explanation for this seeming skullduggery? I’m a loyal and proud customer of The Asdas and cannot bear for my shopping experience to be tarnished thusly.

Yours sincerely,

Steven “Asda” Price.

I’m sure you will agree that this is quite the serious matter.  I received the following reply from an Asda representative:

Hello Steven,

Thanks for your email about the muffins which you have been looking to purchase from our Warrington store.

I am sorry to learn of your disappointment as you have found the price of the muffins to have varied so much recently. We are committed towards offering the lowest possible prices, so we would not want to create any confusion to you or your colleagues.

We work hard to keep offering the cheapest prices for the best products. Occasionally, a product price may increase substantially. This happens when the supplier costs have increased and when we are no longer able to maintain the original price of the product. When this happens we look to introduce a ‘Rollback’ to prevent the price impacting our customers too much. This will explain why the price was quickly reduced to £1.40.

‘Rollback’ offers are not permanent and may end at any time. I agree three days is a very short amount of time to have a promotional offer. However, our Buying Team are working hard to reduce the price at the next opportunity. I am confident you will be happy with any future price changes.

We would not want your shopping experience to be tarnished, so I hope my explanation has clarified this matter for you. We do value your loyal custom, and we would still like to welcome you back into the store again. Whilst I appreciate this would have been a disappointing experience for you, I hope my response has gone someway towards restoring your faith in Asda.

Once again, thank you for contacting Asda. If there is anything else I can do to help, please let me know.

Kind regards

***** *******

Hmmmm.  I don’t find this a satisfactory explanation in the slightest.  Despite the representative’s best efforts, there seems to be no acknowledgement of the original £1 pricing.  It’s a good job for The Asdas that my love is deep or we could be looking at a very messy (metaphorical) divorce.  I would reply to the e-mail to demand further information, but it states:

Please do not reply to this email. This is not a monitored inbox and you may not receive a reply.

Like yesterday’s issues with Carphone Warehouse, companies now seem determined to make it difficult to achieve satisfaction.  How long before the people of Britain rise up against this slack tyranny?

I give it 3 days max.

 

Charity Shop Fashion 9

Last week, St Helens’ Cancer Research shop fired a shot across the bows of charity shop fashion.  How would the leading light of the field, Warrington’s British Heart Foundation shop, respond?  Well, they would respond with this:

BOOOOOOOOM! You sunk my battleship!! Consider the fashion cannon fired and the battle won.  Who could compete with such an achingly-erotic outfit that is not only silver but contains two – yes, two – different types of animal print.  My penile tumescence knows no limit in the face of such an outfit.  Well played, BHF.  Well played, indeed.

 

Charity Shop Fashion 7

Today’s photos are marred by an unseasonal amount of glare.  I hope that this doesn’t spoil your enjoyment of the fashion gems.  Inevitably, these outfits were spotted in Warrington’s British Heart Foundation shop.

 

Glitter! Blue glitter!! Sadly, this photo doesn’t convey just how glittery this dress is, but, believe me, it’s a glitter-fest.  Why not pop on this little number if you want to look like a cross between a 1920s’ flapper and a 1980s’ high class hooker.

The BHF’s obsession with fur coats is a warning to all fashion-lovers out there.  A fur coat with nothing underneath is clearly going to be a key trend for Autumn\Winter 2011.   Please take note of the obscene amount of cleavage required to achieve this unique look.

 

Charity Shop Fashion 6

Another day, another stunning outfit from Warrington’s British Heart Foundation boutique:

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Is it a dress? Is it an elaborate hankie? Is it something knocked together by a student for a sixth form fashion show? I guess we’ll never know. Such are the mysteries of high fashion.

Charity Shop Fashion 5

It must be said that Warrington’s British Heart Foundation shop is rapidly becoming a mecca for fashionistas around the globe.  Take a look at today’s stunning concoction:

The year is 1988.  Your name is Melanie Griffith, and you’re starring in hit movie Working Girl.  But, shit! You’ve got to upstage Sigourney Weaver’s Machiavellian character at some fancy shindig; what on earth are you going to wear? Don’t worry, Mel, just get yourself to the BHF shop in 2011! You’re sorted.

What’s that?  You need an outfit for Harrison Ford’s character, too?  What about the classic Dad-look of short-sleeved, blue shirt with jeans?

No, no problem, Mel.  It was my pleasure.

 

Charity Shop Fashion 2

There’s a couple of wonderful outfits today in Warrington’s prestigious British Heart Foundation shop.  Here they are:

Do you like the film Pretty Woman?  Do you want to feel like a prostitute who scrubs up well and is able to mock the sales assistants in a swanky boutique? Of course you do, you’re only human.  Well, this is the dress for you.  It screams “class”, “elegance” and “yes, I accept cash for sex, but there’s a chance that I’ll fall in love with you if you’re rich and good looking enough.”

With its crazy print, and sporting the classic “knotted and frayed” straps, this dress is ideal for any lady who wants to look funky whilst clubbing in the town’s nightspots.  You’ll be looking so funky that you’ll be sad inside that both Mr Smith’s and the Mississippi Showboat are no longer open for you to strut your funky stuff in.  Did I mention that you’d look funky?

The look is completely with an elasticated belt.  Perfect for cutting your gut in two.  Tres chic, mademoiselle!

 

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