The X Factor: Judges’ Houses

October 7, 2009 9 Comments

Well we’re getting very close to the live shows on The X Factor, this week sees us visit the judges’ houses (which are obviously not their real houses, so I don’t know why they call it that).  Here’s what happened.

Saturday

Saturday’s episode starts with perhaps the biggest shock in X Factor; Louis was in Italy not in Ireland!  I needed a lie down to cope when I found that out.  We then meet who each judge has drafted in to help them.  Louis had Ronan Keating, the Irish Gary Barlow, so it looks like the two of them are finally talking again.  Cheryl had Will young who is so posh and sincere that I could listen to him all night.  Sadly, Simon had Sinitta helping him yet again.  I can only assume that she must have some incriminating photos of him.  Over in Dubai, Dannii has the somewhat more impressive Kylie to help her.

I was a little underwhelmed by the ‘Boys’ category, although they seem pretty solid throughout and with young male singers, their looks play as big a part as their voices.  I was slightly baffled by Daniel Fox, but I wouldn’t be shocked if any of them got through.

The ‘Groups’ category is notoriously rubbish, and this year is no exception.  Ronan and Louis seemed to criticise every single act after they sang, and didn’t have a good thing to say.  You’d have to say that that was quite worrying for Louis’ chances of winning.  I don’t think it actually matters to the outcome of the show which three  acts they pick.  Unsurprisingly, Louis still managed to find time to defend John and Edward.  More surprisingly, and despite slagging all the acts off, they still audaciously claimed that they have a potential  winner.

Simon seems to have the most difficult job in selecting which of the ‘Over 25s’ will go through, the category looks to be very strong.  It’s actually a bit of a joke when you compare this group to what Louis has to work with.  The most disappointing moment of the week was when Danyl sadly didn’t reprise his hilarious cover of ‘Holding Back the Years’.

The ‘Girls’ category is definitely stronger vocally than the boys, and they certainly look better in bikinis (was it not a bit gratuitous that they sent them down a water slide?).  I’m not sure which ones are the best singers, but I definitely fancy Stacey McClean most.

I realise that at this point that I haven’t picked any of the contestants to go through; it just seems too tight to call this year and I’d struggle to single anybody out.  I also realised, as I was watching it, that the episode seemed endless; this was because, unusually, I actually watched most of it.

Have I mentioned this week that The Xtra Factor is the better programme?  I’ve come to the conclusion that I big part of the reason for this is that you actually get to see the personalities of both contestants and judges; you don’t just get sob stories and cheesy soundbites as you do with the ITV1 show.  It also doesn’t hurt that Holly is almost unbearably lovely.

Sunday

I was a bit apprehensive about watching this episode beforehand as it tends to be full of people crying and I find it totally unbearable.  To be fair to them, it’s not surprising that they cry considering the way that they drag out the reveal as to whether they’re going through or not.  It’s bordering on animal cruelty.

The ‘Girls’ were the first group to be revealed, and Lucie Jones was the first contestant through through.  She has that girl next door type appeal, so she could do pretty well.  Sadly, Stacey McClean didn’t get through. Typical.  Next through was Rachel, who I could tell you exactly nothing about.  The last girl through was the other Stacey; I though that this was a good decision as has distinctive voice and a likeable, goofy personality.

The dreaded ‘Groups’ were up next and I couldn’t have cared less, other than the vague hope that John and Edward would get through for comedy value.  First through were Miss Frank, who, if I was being cruel, I might rename as Miss Take.  Next through were Kandy Rain, the girl band consisting of ex-strippers.  They should be popular with the largely female voters then.  Last, but by no means least, came The Twerps, sorry I mean, John and Edward.  This pair of idiots were somehow the most nailed-on finalists in the whole competition.  I won’t pass comment on Louis’ possible motivations for this.  That said, you can always rely on Louis for a mental decision to keep the show interesting.

The slightly lacklustre ‘Boys’ were next and first through was Weirdy Eyebrow Man (Rikki), quickly followed by Lloyd, whose voice I probably like most in this group.  Before the third finalist was revealed, we had a bit of drama with Cheryl having to stop in the middle of her decision over Daniel Fox.  I’d like to think that her dilemma was genuine and not done to build up the tension.  Since I fancy her, I’ll assume that it was genuine.  Last through was the totally unsurprising, Little Geordie Joe.  It seems to be the rule that you put through people who are from vaguely the same geographical area as you.

Finally, we got to the ‘Over 25s’, and early bookies favourite, Danyl goes through.  They’ve been slightly critical of him since boot camp, but I think this was mainly to not make him seem like the dead cert to go through that he was.  Next through was slightly quirky Olly and finally came Jamie.  I was a little bit surprised by Jamie, not because of a lack of talent, but because I thought Simon would put through at least one of the girls.  They still look the strongest category.

And that’s nearly it for this week, apart from The Xtra Factor.  Have I mentioned that The Xtra Factor is…oh, I have.  Well, what  about Holly…oh, I’ve done that one too.  Never mind.  The most interesting thing was that Holly also thought that Simon would put at least one girl through, proving that great minds think alike.

And that really is that.  I’m actually looking forward to next week, as the live finals really separate the men from the boys (so to speak).  See you there (not literally).

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Has It Got The X Factor Back? Part 2

September 28, 2009 10 Comments

After writing about day one of boot camp it seemed only fitting to have a bash at day two. Sadly, I don’t have any great insights to offer. Sorry about that.

I quite enjoyed it, although I did whizz through it all rather quickly. The points of interest were:

1) Simon did a lot of nodding.

2) ‘No one wants it more than…’ This phrase was used to describe at least thirty of the final fifty. Surely, it can only be used once.

3) John and Edward went through. Louis got the groups. These two facts cannot be a coincidence.

4) Simon is going to take some beating with the over-25 category, they look very strong.

5) Have I mentioned that The Xtra Factor is the better show? Get watching it.

6) There was literally no tension when they brought the acts on stage to see who went through. It was blatantly obvious which ones were which.

Next week is judges’ houses and I’m vaguely looking forward to it. Result.

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Has It Got The X Factor Back?

September 27, 2009 6 Comments

Despite being an fan of The X Factor in previous years, this time out has left me cold.  I half heartedly watched the first two weeks and then for the next three I didn’t watch at all.  I’m not entirely sure what that is down to; the change to having a live audience at the initial auditions was a terrible decision, which changed the whole feel of the show, but I don’t know if it is down to more than that.  I think I’ve just about reached my limit of being able to watch bad auditions and seeing people being humiliated; this happening in front of a baying crowd has only highlighted the cruelty.  Perhaps, I’ve just fallen out with the show all together.

Last night’s episodes were the first of the boot camp stage and so it felt an appropriate time to give it another go and see if I could salvage my love for cheesy talent shows.  It’s not a good start.  There’s a full ten minutes of padding before anything  actually happens and I’m thankful that I had Sky Plussed it.   This is perhaps a bit of a harsh criticism as it’s always been full of padding.  In my post from last Novemeber, X-Rated, I revealed that I managed to watch the four televised hours of X Factor shows one Saturday night in 90 minutes – and that was with me paying attention.

Eventually, they did get around to some singing, and the first batch of  auditionees that they showed were absolutely awful.  How they got through the first  round is anybody’s guess.  I can only assume that presence of the live audience skewed the judges objectivity.  With the dross out of the way, we did manage to see some better singers, although not recognising many of the contestants meant that I didn’t feel very  invested in whether they went through or not.

It was vaguely amusing to see John and Edward again, but within about 30 seconds the joke fell flat, they’re just a pair of cocks.  It’s one thing to be ‘shit but funny’, but the identical twins were just plain old shit.  Remarkably, they didn’t get booted out right away because Louis liked them.  Unsurprisingly, they were Irish.

At this stage, I was still pretty uninterested and a fair amount of fast  forwarding happened.  Before I know it they announce who is in the top 50.  Like every other year we get to see scenes of  the successful jumping up and down like chimps and the unsuccessful crying like they’ve just been told that their dog is dead.  These bits are equally annoying every year.

Over on ITV2, The Xtra Factor remains the superior show and Holly Willoughby remains exceptionally lovely.  Apart from her obvious loveliness, I think that she is one of the best presenters currently on TV and has made the show her own.  She’s so good that I’m getting increasingly worried that she’ll be promoted to the main show, which would be good for her bank balance but would be the viewers loss; the presenter of the ITV1 programme really has so little to do.

Overall, I definitely enjoyed ‘Boot Camp’ more than any of the earlier shows, so perhaps things are looking up.  There does seem to be some very strong competitors this year, but then it seems that way every year and by the time it gets to the live shows most of them turn crap.  We’ll have to wait and see.  Part two of boot camp is tonight, so I’ll see you there.

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No Time To Blog: Day 5 – What I Watched Last Night

September 20, 2009 2 Comments

After a long day blogging and looking for an internet stream to watch football I decided to spend last night watching some telly.  It may not be a very exciting way to spend your Saturday night, but I happen to like watching TV.

The main thing that I wanted to watch was the first episode of French drama, Spiral, as I’ve been waiting three years for the second series to make an appearance.  I soon decided against it as watching a programme with subtitles would have required too much concentration.  Instead, I watched Friday’s Derren Brown special, How To Control The Nation.  It was an enjoyable hour’s entertainment and built up to the ‘special film’ that would stick you to your chair.  Suffice to say, I didn’t stick to my chair.  I felt a mixture of disappointment and relief; half of me would have loved to have been stuck, but the other half would have been horrified that I’d been ‘controlled’.

After that, I thought I’d give the Coen brother’s Burn After Reading a try, which I had recorded last week.  I managed to get about ten minutes in to it before I had to switch off in boredom.  Looking for a bit of light-hearted popcorn TV to compensate, I watched this week’s episode of A Town Called Eureka.  It was a silly episode (but then, aren’t they all?), where the town got frozen solid and featured some very dodgy special effects.  I do like the new relationship between Jack and Tess, despite the fact that they’ve just completely dropped the years of build up in his relationship with Allison.  Jaime Ray Newman has done a great job of making Tess a likeable character that feels like she has been around since the show started.

I recorded both X Factor shows with little intent of watching them and deleted both after about 3 minutes.  Not even Holly Willoughby can keep me watching The Xtra Factor, so the rot must definitely have set in.

It was a result and a surprise that Liverpool were the first match on Match of the Day.  It was clearly an exciting match, but there was some shocking defending by the Reds and it needs to be sorted out pronto.  Listening on the radio, as I mentioned here, really didn’t do the game justice;  I didn’t even pick up on the good run and cross by Ryan Babel which led to Torres’ second goal.

The last thing I watched was this week’s Chuck.  It actually held together really well as an episode, one of the best so far, but the will-they-won’t-they stuff between Chuck and Sarah is really starting to bug me.  They should really make a decision on what direction they’re heading in with it and stick with it.

All in all, it was a decent effort and I managed to claw back some space on my planner.  Now I just have to get myself psyched up enough to watch Spiral.

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Missing The X Factor

August 23, 2009 1 Comment

So, I went round to my brother’s house last night, just after seven, and as I glanced at the TV I thought, ‘Hmmm, that looks like The X Factor’.  And it was The X Factor.  Why had I not been informed that it was starting again?

If I was being snobby I’d call The X Factor a guilty pleasure, but I’m not, so I won’t.  It’s an out-and-out entertainment show, and should be judged as such; it should not be compared disparagingly with great works of fiction.  That said, as I watched it last night (without the benefit of being able to fast forward using Sky Plus), I was completely underwhelmed.  Sure, there were still moments of great comedy, such as:

JOHN: I’m John!

EDWARD: I’m Edward!

JOHN & EDWARD: Together, we are… John and Edward!

There was also classic cases of exploitation such as the sisters with tiny faces on fat heads, one of whom was auditioning for the third time.  We all know that there is a preliminary round, so why are they letting the poor girl through again? This time with the added bonus of  being humiliated in front of two thousand people.  Luckily, they seemed too thick to notice.

But for all this, I was uninterested.  I did Sky Plus the late night repeat (and The Xtra Factor), and skimmed through them this morning.  I must have watched about 10 minutes of two and a half hours of programming.  Maybe it’s the change to a live audience in the auditions that is spoiling it for me, or maybe the format has run its course.  It’s more than likely though that I’ll be bored for a few weeks, get drawn in a bit and then be gripped when they get to boot camp.  It is usually claimed that the auditions are the best bit, but, actually, I disagree.  I think that people tend to say that because it’s easy to sneer and be ‘ironic’ at the auditions, and therefore it’s ‘cooler’.

The only other thing that I would point out is that The Xtra Factor tends to be a better show than the main ITV1 programme.  This is in large part down to the talents of Holly Willoughby, who apart from being incredibly lovely, is extremely likeable, good at her job and brings a sense of fun to proceedings.  She so clearly overshadows Dermot O’Leary (who I generally quite like), that it’s bordering on embarrassing.

Anyway, I may be around after next weeks show, or I might not! See you then (or not).

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X-Rated

November 30, 2008 1 Comment

As a rule, I’m not a huge fan of reality shows; it takes a superhuman effort for me not to scream when I hear people in work talking about ‘I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here’. Instead, I generally just have a rant about it being the same every year, and pointing out that eating a kangaroo’s ring piece doesn’t technically constitute entertainment. The one show that I’ve always had a soft spot for though, is The X Factor.

Reality TV is more powerful than religion. They try and tempt you with their obviously empty offers of entertainment, which you happily ignore, smug in the knowledge that you aren’t wasting your life like the rest of the herd. Until one day you get curious and tune in, only as an ironic observer of course, happily mocking all of those who have been drawn in by it. And you carry on watching because it’s hilarious; how are so many people possibly falling for this old rubbish? They’re idiots! And on you go, chuckling contentedly to yourself, right up until the final, when you realise you have spent over twenty quid voting for your favourite contestant, knowing it would be a catastrophe if that other annoying twat were to win. Then like the sad junkie that you’ve become, you writhe around your living room in agony, desperate with the sudden loss of your fix, scouring the TV schedules for the methadone that is Celebrity Big Brother. And even though you eventually find something to curb your craving, and are able to move on with your life, you’ll always feel hollow inside, knowing that your old self is smugly grinning at you from somewhere deep within.
But I digress. I genuinely do like the X Factor and it has the following advatages over its competition:
1) The auditions process. It would be too obvious to just say that the audtions are hilarious, even though they often are. What really fascinates me though is the trend, in recent series, for auditionees with such a lack of self-awareness that having them on the show can only feel like bullying. And not from the obvious source of Mr Cowell’s jibes, but from the simple fact that these people are allowed to get through the initial screening process at all. They might as well hang a sign round their necks saying, ‘They’ve only put me through so you can laugh at how stupid I am’.
Now, I’m not saying that cruelty is a good reason for liking something, far from it. It’s just that some of these people seem so unrealistic that days later, I find myself still debating whether or not some of them are actors. I mean, surely some of them must be? Surely? How many TV shows give you so much to think about?
2) Talent. Despite what some snottier commentators may say (including my dad – but he’s not really an expert), there are always at least some of the contestants that are talented (anyone remember Leona Lewis?); and watching a competition based (at least partly) on an ability, is always more entertaining that voting for the least unlikable person in the jungle.
3) Cheryl Cole. Quite simply, I’m in love.
4) Judges that fight. Yes, it’s a big pantomime in which Simon and Louis desperately want to be the dame, but there’s nothing wrong with a good pantomime. You can’t beat a good bit of melodrama and overacting on a Saturday night. Even fake hissy fits and tantrums can liven up any show.
5) The Xtra Factor. Yes, it’s a bonus that it’s hosted by the lovely Holly Willoughby (whose attractiveness is the epitome of being more than the sum of its parts), but it’s getting the backstage opinions of the judges and contestants that counts. It really adds to your feeling of involvement in the show (perhaps to an unhealthy level, admittedly). And Holly is far more than just a pretty face and has the talent to bring a real warmth to the show. You can’t help but feel that she will be poached to host the main show before too long, which would be a shame as the Xtra Factor is the far more interesting gig.
And last but not least,
6) Sob stories. No, I’m only joking, even I don’t like the sob stories.
This year has been particularly competitive, although whether that’s because the line up has been generally strong or uniformly weak, I don’t know. It’s almost impossible to make a objective call on this while the competition is still in progress. That said, I was sad to see Ruth go home last night, as she was nowhere near the weakest of the five remaining competitors (I’m looking at you JLS!). It would be a crime if Alexandra Burke doesn’t go on to win; not only has she got the strongest voice in the contest, but she looks every inch the pop star and is the only contestant who has really given a performance week in week out. But being the most talented makes it almost inevitable that she won’t win; if I had to pick a winner it would be badger foetus, Eoghan Quigg.
Incidentally, I’d like to give a hearty thank you to James Corden over on the Xtra Factor last night, for saying what we were all thinking about Britney’s dismal ‘performance’. Why they bothered with her is something of a mystery, but I’m guessing Simon won’t be asking her back next year.
On a final note, it’s worth noting the influence of Sky Plus on my continued fascination with the show. If you count the Xtra Factor episodes (which of course I do), the show was on for a staggering 3 hours 55 minutes (7:35 till 11:30!). With Sky Plus I was able to watch it all in 1 hour 33 minutes. If I had to watch it live, I think the excessive amount of padding would have driven me mad years ago.
Vote for Alex!

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