CBB 2010: The Final

January 30, 2010 Leave a Comment

So, Celebrity Big Brother is finally over and I no longer have to force myself to churn out daily updates.  It’s like a massive weight has been lifted off my shoulders.  Let’s get this whole thing over and done with.

With five housemates remaining there was always going to be a lot of padding and not much content.  It’s strange that the conclusion to the series should be so inherently anti-climatic.  This is my excuse for why this post is so short.

Day 26:

Vinnie moaned about not taking a part in the latest Rambo movie because it didn’t pay enough.  He then mocked people for wearing clothes from Next.  Alex picked him up on it, saying that he’d be losing votes.  Vinnie was overly confident that he’d beat Alex.  Hmmmm.

Errm.  That was about it for Day 26.

Live Show:

I didn’t really have a favourite to win, mainly I just didn’t want it to be Vinnie because his ‘man of the people’ schtick was so disingenuous.

Stephanie was evicted first, and came fifth.  They played the Dynasty theme tune as she left.  How very droll.

The interview was perfunctory.

Jonas was evicted next.  He seemed to forget how to speak English during the interview.  I think he was just nervous and he was comically over-bullish about being over Katia.  Despite some tough talk, you could tell that he was actually upset.  He came across as a very genuine person.

Vinnie came third.  He left to quite a few boos.

Dane came second.  He also came across as a decent bloke and deserved to do well for the fake nightmare incident alone.

This, of course, meant that Alex won.  Who would have thunk it?  He seemed quite overwhelmed by winning, so I guess it’s good thing that he won, as it really meant a lot to him.  Jordan got booed a lot though.  Which was good.

And that was it.  It’s been an enjoyable series overall, despite nothing overly dramatic happening.  It’s a shame that there won’t be a series next year.

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CBB 2010: Day 23

January 27, 2010 Leave a Comment

Nicola said that Stephanie is trying to make her posh.  Big Brother sarcastically asked how that was working out.  Then they asked her to talk posh.  Stop picking on the dim girl, please.

Ivana was asked to go to the diary room.  She was told that she has been nominated for an award by a Scandinavian magazine show, Kugel Fresh, and that she’d be taking part in a live link up, via satellite, to the awards ceremony.   The other housemates were told that it was a completely fictitious award, but they had to convince her that it was real.  As Jonas is Swedish, he had to do the most convincing, but he was a rubbish actor.  He said that the ceremony was held in the same location as the Grammy Awards.

Ivana ‘won’ the award and she had to give a speech.  The other housemates were then told that they had to ruin her moment of glory by telling her that the award was rubbish (it was a glass vase stuck to a bit of wood), drinking from it and then smashing it.  Sadly, the award smashed when Stephanie picked it up, so they didn’t have chance to really get into it all.  They had to resort to getting one of the larger shards and drinking from that.  Stephanie had to go to the diary room as she couldn’t stop laughing.  When she came out, Ivana tried to console her as she was ‘so upset’.  I have a new found respect for Stephanie’s acting talent.

Big Brother announced that it was all a hoax and Ivana seemed to take it on the chin.  As a result, they won a ‘glamorous awards party’.  At the party, each housemate had to reveal a category and choose who they had to give the award to.  Stephanie was upset that Alex gave her the ‘bitchiest housemate’ award.

Jonas sprayed Alex with fake tan.  It’s something that I really didn’t need to see.  But it was extremely funny.  Alex looked like he had been varnished.

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CBB 2010: Day 22

January 26, 2010 Leave a Comment

The housemates had won a lie-in in the previous night’s game of charades, but BB had decided to wake them up early any way, so they didn’t actually get a lie in.  It didn’t really make sense.

Dane said that his sex tape was the biggest thing on the internet.  That just sounds like bragging to me.

They were given a task of being chained together with people they haven’t bonded with.  The meant: Vinnie & Ivana, Jonas, Nicola & Stephanie and Dane & Alex.  It was a pretty rubbish task.  There was some petty arguments and Nicola told a rubbish joke.  Dane and Alex discussed Siamese twins.  Alex pondered ‘how it happens’ as if they originally aren’t stuck together.

Jonas said that he loses all self confidence when he talks to Vinnie because he’s one of his favourite actors.  I don’t know which bit of that statement makes me feel sadder.

Vinnie said that a pair of socks costs £400.  Alex and Dane challenged  him over being the ‘people’s champ’.  Isn’t that what I said yesterday?  Scary.  Vinnie didn’t take to this very well and was just nasty in response.  His true colours are perhaps peeping through.

Dane was called to the diary room.  As ‘keeper of the key’, he, and a housemate of his choice, could visit a very special place when everybody else was asleep.  He picked Jonas, who said that he loved Dane for picking him.  Bless.

Jonas and Dane went into the special place.  They had beers, pizza and a nintendo wii.  I can’t believe they were actually nice to them.  That was the end.  Quite a dull episode.

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CBB 2010: Day 21

January 25, 2010 2 Comments

Jonas sits alone on the bench having a fag and a brew.   Was this as exciting as it was going to get?  Thankfully not, the Tree of Temptation was back.

Vinnie said that Stephanie is playing to the public because she said that two characters have left the house.  He feels that there is friction between them, even though they used to be bezzies.  Vinnie declared that he represents ‘the public’ more than anyone else in the house.  This theory would be undermined by some of his subsequent conversations.

Stephanie bounced up and down on the exercise ball.  Nicola copied her while sat on the sofa.  It made me laugh a bit.

In the sixties, Stephanie lived in a commune.  Living in the BB house feels like ‘coming home’ to her.  Far out, man.

The Tree of Temptation spoke to Nicola and gave her a challenge.  In response, she said ‘yeah’ about 50 times.  To win a message from home, she had to tell all the other housemates a home truth, but then give them a kiss.  The tree gave her an example of a home truth: ‘You’re well fit, but you look a bit like Bruce Forsyth.’  She didn’t twig that he actually meant it.

Nicola then came up with some of the greatest insults in the history of insultitude.

Ivana – “You look like a big fat orange in that tracksuit.”

Dane – “You’re handsome but you reminds me of Danny De Vito.”

Jonas – “Has anyone ever told you that you look like Roland Rat?” (poor Jonas looked devastated)

Alex – “When did you have your teeth whitened? They look green.”

Stephanie – “It looks like you’ve got a big bush on your head.”

In a break from the insults, Stephanie and Vinnie claimed that you need a hundred quid in your pocket at all times.  Just in case you need to buy a newspaper or toothpaste.  Vinnie’s ‘voice of the public’ mantle was seriously slipping.

Dane and Alex had an uncomfortable chat about Dane going round to Jordan’s house.  You could read between the lines about what actually happened, and it was painful to watch.

Nicola went out and talked to the tree as she was struggling to insult Vinnie.  I felt like I was watching a character in a children’s programme – I mean Nicola not the tree.  Tt was actually quite endearing.  She  nearly made the tree laugh by completely mishearing ‘I won’t give you an example’ as ‘he’s going bald’.  I hear by propose that Nicola and the ToT get their own spin-off show.  Here’s an example of their amazing conversation:

Nicola: I thought you were a nice tree.

ToT: Who told you that?

Nicola: I dunno.

Well, I’d watch it.

So, she finally had a crack at Vinnie by saying that he’s put on a load of weight.  He wasn’t having any of it.  She then struggled to get him to let her kiss him. And that was with her begging.  He eventually let her as he suspected it was all task related.  She richly deserved her message from home.

Vinnie discussed his Hollywood lifestyle and how many servants he had and how much it cost to have them.  The man of the people.

Supplied with wine and nibbles, the housemates had to play charades of celebrity faux pas.  They could win an extra five minutes in bed for every one they get right.  Cue the comedy montage.  Nicola seemed to get most answers right. She may have found her niche in life.

The show ended with Jonas telling Big Brother that he sometimes feels cut out of group discussions and feels lonely in the house.  I’d forgotten just how earnest he is.  Bless.

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CBB 2010: Day 20

January 24, 2010 8 Comments

The insanity of blogging about this every day has really kicked in.  I would stop, but it would seem even madder to give up when you’re already three quarters of the way through.  Be prepared for some really slapdash posts in the next week.

Sisqo started the day by doing some crazy dance in the garden.  It would not be enough to save him from eviction.

Stephanie got a bit upset in the diary room as the thought of not having the bible (assuming that Stephen was evicted) would be genuinely depressing.  She did know that it was a bit of a strange thing to say.  Stephen thought that she was being touched by the holy spirit.  I suspect that in a house where you have nothing to do any book would seem holy.

Dane and Stephanie made up a song that they could harmonise to.  I had a fear that it would be stuck in my head all day, but, luckily, it’s already vanished.  The housemates then made up another song that Alex sang along to in the bath.  Hilarious.

The housemates were given a task to make some flat pack furniture.  As Jonas has an unfair advantage (being Swedish), his job was to sabotage the task and make sure that one of the items didn’t get made.  Cue the obligatory comedy montage.  They failed, so they passed.

Dane and Vinnie hoped that it would be Ivana going home.  Whoops.

Dane invented the word ‘begruntle’.

Jonas threw a giant pan of cold water all over Alex in the shower.  This made me laugh more than it should have.  Alex felt that he had been ‘syndicated’.

Stephen was evicted.  Then it was Sisqo.  Everyone expected Stephen to go, but there were a few shocked faces about Sisqo’s exit.

The housemates were given a ‘Swedish spa’ treat.  Alex gave Stephanie and Ivana a massage with some wooden balls.  They loved it, the naughty girls.

Nicola: “Alex is literally a Labrador.”

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CBB 2010: Day 19 and Live Show

January 23, 2010 Leave a Comment

Day 19:

Vinnie started the day by complaining to Big Brother that Sisqo was offensive about him and that he wanted something doing about it.  He then spoke to Dane about it and said that if they cameras weren’t there he would have sorted Sisqo out the previous night.

Vinnie went back to the diary room and was asked to repeat exactly what was said that offended him.  He wouldn’t say what was it was.

In the bedroom, Sisqo talked to Stephen about being ‘snippy’ for the last few days.  He looked terrible.  He apologised to Vinnie, who asked why he singled him out.  They were quite civilised about it all.  Again.

Nicola squeezed the spots on Alex’s back.  Nice.

When Stephen tries to look condescending at people, he just looks like the village idiot.

Dane was given a box to use his special key in.  He received a cake and some champagne, and then got to choose to give some cake to someone by patting them on the bum.  He slapped Stephanie’s ass.

The housemates were locked in the bedroom and given outfits for a tarts and vicars party, to celebrate 21 years of sobriety for Stephen.  We then got the customary montage to Amy Winehouse’s Rehab.

They had a game of pass the parcel.  Alex won some pink panties and, obviously, put them on.  Stephanie won a fake dog poo.

Stephanie received her cake in the diary room.  It dropped on her from above.  The others were all called to the diary room and we got a montage of them expecting cake splattage but nothing happening.  It was quite weird.  Stephanie was called back and they dropped another cake on her head.

Nicola told Stephen that she wanted to put the fake poo in Ivana’s bed.  He said that he couldn’t condone it.  She said, ‘Yeah, but it will be funny.’  So he sort of joined in, but then said again that he didn’t condone it.  Strange man.  They all had a good laugh though, it was strangely heartwarming.

Live Show:

Stephen was evicted.  I don’t quite know how I feel about it.  Yes, he’s a tit, but he was fascinatingly weird.  His exit interview was sadly dull.

There was another eviction and Sisqo was kicked out.  Are there a lot of Ivana fans out there?

The polls are now open to vote to win.  I don’t have a clue who it’s going to be.

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CBB 2010: Day 18

January 22, 2010 Leave a Comment

In the aftermath of last night’s fake nightmare, Stephen claims that he performed a quick fix on the room.  He meant an exorcism.  Dane was questioned about the nightmare and made up that he was dreaming about a film where they pull you out of bed by the legs.  He’d had all night to think about it, so he could have come up with a better story.  Stephen thinks it was evidence that bad spirits exist.  Dane looked like he was dying to tell him the truth.

Dane was justly rewarded with a replacement mystery key for his efforts.  He has to keep the fact that he has it a secret.

Stephanie said that Nicola’s boyfriend wouldn’t be worried about her being close with Dane (he was massaging her neck).  Was it a bit of a veiled insult?

Stephen stretched Alex’s legs.  It was a very Kowalski-esqe homo erotic moment.

The housemates were told that they’d receive a roast dinner.  The plates were piled high.  Even higher than when you go to the Toby Carvery and feel compelled to keep adding roasties.

Jonas was asked by Nicola if he’s bisexual (don’t know why) and he said that he wasn’t but he’d like to be.  He’s not afraid to grab another man’s balls or stick a pencil up a man’s ass.  So there.

In a series of CBB that has contained some very weird tasks, they really reached a new high (or low) in this episode.  They had to weave a load of offal into a complete cow. Yes, really.  And they played ’Size of a Cow’ by the Wonderstuff, over a montage of them doing it.  It was enough to turn you vegetarian.  Jonas asked Ivana if she’d ever
done it before. The answer was, unsurprisingly, no.

Nicola got upset about missing her baby, which was fair enough.

Alex used to ‘work’ at a mental asylum.

Stephen warned Big Brother that they should be aware of the word ‘wrath’.  In regard to life.  Whatever that meant.  He thought it would be funny if they went to hell.  He’s really giving Christians a great image.

A number of the housemates decided to ‘harmonise’ to Amazing Grace.  It was really funny.

Jonas is the kind of guy that reads science magazines every day.  Stephen uses this as an opportunity to mention god, but I wasn’t really listening.

The last 15 minutes of the show were really boring and can be summarised thusly: Sisqo thinks that he’s taking on Vinnie.  Vinnie doesn’t rise to it.

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CBB 2010: Day 16

January 20, 2010 Leave a Comment

Alex, Jonas & Nicola talk about Stephen and how he complains about Jonas’s package.

Vinnie made a bird feeder and the housemates were all ecstatic that some birds showed up.  It’s hard to comprehend how bored they must be.

Vinnie reiterates that he’s in the house to let people see what he’s really like.

Sisqo is tired of Alex getting his ass kissed by the other housemates.  When does this ever happen?  They all rip him!

I’m trying to watch this episode before football starts and so I’m not really paying that much attention.  That said, there are a lot of boring conversations going on.  They need a wacky task to stir them up a bit.

Stephen claims that Jonas only wore his undies and no vest.  He has a very selective memory when it suits him.

Ivana and Nicola had to act as models in a life drawing class.  They were allowed to wear flesh coloured underwear.  It wasn’t the wackiest task ever.  Ivana was a sight for sore eyes though.  Stephanie’s and Sisqo’s drawings were actually really good.

Sov is evicted.  Hooray.  As revealed yesterday, Ivana, Sisqo and Stephen are up for the public vote.

Stephen thinks he’s a saint.  The rest of the housemates thinks he’s a knob.  I can’t really be bothered going into details.

Some other stuff probably happened, but I got a bit bored.  Has the show run out of steam or am I just a bit tired?  I’ll see you tomorrow to find out.

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CBB 2010: Day 15 and Live Shows

January 19, 2010 Leave a Comment

It’s an eviction night.  Who will go?  You decide.  Etc.

Day 15:

Stephen attempted to convince Alex that something to do with a water bottle was a sign from god.  Even Alex is sick of his preaching now.

Vinnie and Sov bickered about cooking and food again.  If it’s this tedious for the viewer, then it must be driving the housemates up the wall.

The day’s task involved the most vocal housemate, Sisqo, by playing a singing game.  He had to do karaoke in the diary room and sing missing lyrics (see Shane Ritchie’s rubbish game show for details).  If he sang any of the lyrics incorrectly then one of the other housemates would be shot with a ‘gunk gun’.  He did rubbish and didn’t know any of the songs.  It seems unlikely that he would have heard of Saturday Night by Whigfield.  He got two out of six right.  And one of them was The Thong Song.  And ‘on a whim’, Big Brother decided to spray them all with more gunk for a laugh.  There’s certainly been an ‘end of term’ feel to this entire series.

Sov wouldn’t wash up because she didn’t feel well.  I don’t think that many of the others believed her.

Some of the housemates have a go at Jonas because he vaguely defended Sov.  He took it very personally, but he’s a sensitive young man.  He did his best to talk to Sov, but she refused to budge again.  Dane and Stephen then attempted to talk some sense into her.  It didn’t work.

Ivana, Stephanie, Vinnie and Nicola all sit in the snug, discussing Sov.  If she were to be evicted, what on earth would they all talk about?

Stephen got slightly homo-erotic while discussing Alex’s physique.

In a bizarre moment, Barry Fry came into the house to give them all a ‘half-time pep talk’.  For those who don’t know, Barry Fry is a sweary lower-league football manager.  It was amusing for about three seconds.

Isn’t CBB only usually 3 weeks long??  If it’s half time, then there must be two weeks left.  Damn, that’s an extra week of blogging that I’ve let myself in for.

Dane argued with Sov, and Stephen preached for 54 minutes.  Some things never change

Live Show:

There were chants of ‘Get Sov out’ from the live audience and their wish came true.  Maybe we’ll get some different topics of conversation now.

I don’t really have much to say about her exit interview, other than that she came across like a big kid.

The remaining housemates then had to do live speed-nominations.  They had 30 seconds each to do them.

Alex: Sisqo & Dane

Dane: Ivana & Stephen

Ivana: Jonas & Stephen

Jonas: Ivana & Sisqo

Nicola: Stephen & Ivana

Sisqo: Ivana & Alex

Stephanie: Stephen & Ivana (!)

Stephen: Nicola & Dane

Vinnie: Sisqo & Alex

This means that Sisqo, Stephen and Ivana are up for eviction.

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CBB 2010: Day 14

January 18, 2010 Leave a Comment

Is there part of me that regrets inadvertently committing to writing about CBB every day? That would be an affirmative.  Anyway, on with the show…

Vinnie and Dane discussed Jordan and Alex.  It could be argued that they were being a bit harsh towards Alex, but you have to say that they were pretty spot on with their assessment.

Sov got an egg when she wasn’t supposed to.  Dane picked her up on it, but she wasn’t the least bit bothered.  She’s like a big kid and the endless arguments about food are getting old fast.

It was time for nominations:

Nicola:
Stephen – she can’t explain it, but he’s strange toward her (he’s a bit of a sleaze).
Sov – she’s not a team player and she walked out of the meeting early.

Sov:
Ivana – she treats her like a kid.
Stephanie – err, everything.

Stephanie:
Sov – she’s not a team player and is selfish.
Jonas – she’s found his behaviour (with Katia) difficult to deal with and can’t stand the scatalogical humour.

Sisqo:
Ivana – always wants to have her say and favours Alex.
Nicola – preoccupied with her life outside the house (she’s never mentioned it in the edited highlights) and is always mentioning her boyfriend.

Ivana:
Johan (Jonas) – he ran in the garden naked and it offended her (so why not nominate Alex, too??)
Nicola – something to do with tea bags.

Alex:
Sov – not a team player.
Sisqo – because Alex is the hunkiest man and he can’t have an American winning (no, me neither).

Stephanie and Ivana discuss how much fun it is to shop from catalogues and list many of the things you can buy in them.  Quite bizarre.

Dane:
Sov – she’s inconsiderate.
Ivana – she’s a worrier.

Jonas:
Sisqo – he’s a show off and talks about money all the time.
Sov – she’s very ‘unresponsible’ and steals fags.

Vinnie:
Alex – he’s in training and he eats too much.
Nicola – she’s an unintentional stirrer (I cannot believe that he hasn’t nominated Sov)

Stephen:
Nicola – she looks out for herself and pretends to be a team player
Dame (Dane) – same as Nicola

So, the housemates up for eviction are Sov (5 votes) and Nicola (4).  I think it’s a bit harsh on Nicola, actually.  She looks like a poorly girl in a film.

Dane attempted to do the big brother voice.  Perhaps the worst impression of all time.  And that’s coming from me.

Alex challenged Stephen about proving the existence of god.  This prompted one of his rubbish, nonsensical sermons.  I couldn’t summarise it if I wanted to, and I don’t want to.

They got mis-fortune cookies, which revealed the results of the nominations. Nicola looked like she knew it was coming.  All female nominees again.  Hmm, it must mean something.

Jonas uses the word unresponsible again.  I like it.  He also sniffed Katia’s pilow.  Sov attempted to get her cigarette rations early by straddling him.  Bah.  Poor Jonas.

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