I had decided to do pretty much the same material that I performed in Manchester, but with a few minor tweaks; I removed a joke that was based on a 1980′s reference and added in a stupid impression (more on that later).  I had the running order sorted and it was all material I was familar with, so I felt confident that I knew what I was doing, even though I wasn’t confident of beating the Frog.

The venue was already bustling when I arrived and on an initial scan of the audience I thought there was a good chance that my stuff wasn’t going to play particularly well.  The vibe was one of people out for a general night out with a bit of free entertainment thrown in, rather than one who had specifically sought out comedy for the love of it.  I’m not currently at a level where I can convince this sort of crowd that my penchant for jokes that appear to be bad and\or that fail is done on purpose rather than through ineptitude.  My instincts seemed to be proved correct based on the reaction to the first few comics on (who were non-gong), and which of their material the audience went for (and, more pertinently, which bits they didn’t).

Although I thought my chances of success were slim, I didn’t let it deter me and just went for it as I normally would. I started my set with some of the usuals: “stretched cat”, “this really shifty looking bloke came up to me” and “can’t fight the moonlight”. There was a mixed reaction – as is often the case – with some people were going for it, some sitting blankly and with a few people “ribbiting” in an attempt to get me gonged\frogged off.  The next bit I decided to do was something I hadn’t tried since Gig 2, where it didn’t really work, but  it was something I thought I might be able to sell better now. This is the bit that got me gonged off.  As I’m unlikely to perform it again, I’ll reproduce it in it’s entirity to allow discussion:

(Normal voice) I’m going to have to lighten the mood now, so I’m going to do some impressions. Everybody loves impressions. I’ll be honest, I’m not an expert, but I’m going to give it a go. Who is this?

(Bruce Forsyth voice) You were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off. (pause). You’re a big man, but you’re out of shape…but didn’t he do well? (pause). My name…is Michael Caine….alright, my love?

(Normal voice) It was Michael Caine. As I say, I’m not an expert…

And that was that (they didn’t say how long I lasted but I would guess between 2 and 3 minutes).  Now, you know the bit doesn’t really work when your girlfriend asks you “what the fuck was that bit about?” So, you know, I’m happy that the audience made the right decision. To clarify the intention of the “joke”: I thought it would be funny if I did an impression which was supposed to be one person but just had the voice of someone else.  It made me laugh, anyway.

I don’t blame the audience at all for my demise, I just wasn’t giving them what they wanted. The questions that arise from this are: a) am I able to give them what they want, and b) do I actually want to give them what they want?  Undoubtedly I have a long way to go in my development as a performer and my material can get much stronger, but barring a drastic change in direction, will doing this kind of gig help or hinder my development?

I’m next booked in for Preston BTF on March 7th.  I’ve no idea how I’m going to approach it, but it should, at least, be interesting.

Preparation for the gig was fairly relaxed as I was largely performing tried and tested material, which I know like the back of my hand (or so I thought). There were a few tweaks to a couple of bits, but overall I was pretty confident with the set list, which was:

1. “I’m sat at a desk..” Previously only performed at Gig 25.
2. My “this really shifty looking bloke came up to me and pointed at my wrist…” bit (previously know as “the joke that unjusticely got me gonged off at Beat The Frog” (Gig 12))
3. The “Can’t Fight The Moonlight” bit.
4. The “Arnie\Controversial-Incomplete Joke” bits that have been in pretty much all my straight stand up sets.  There was a bit of a change to the ending of the “incomplete” part, inspired by last week’s tweaked version for Beat The Frog (Gig 29).
5. New joke “So she lost her job…” Although this was new I’d tried it out on a couple of people and felt confident that it would get some kind of laugh.
6.. My “Personal” bit, plus a bit of “Personal Bit 2″ from Gig 27.  On doing a timed run through, I needed a couple of extra minutes and decided that the first part of “Personal Bit 2″ would fit nicely.  There are a few points in it where there are quite natural breaks, so I could always drop bits depending on how time was running.
7. Short play “One Day in Liverpool.”  This has worked really well in Gig 26 and Gig 28, so I thought I’d give it a whirl in a straight set.  It seemed a nice way to finish.

I got a bit nervous on the afternoon of the gig – I think because it was a gig I’d never done before and there was the element of the unknown. I’d calmed down by the time it came to perform, though, and was really looking forward to it.  There wasn’t a huge audience, but the first three bits went down OK – not great – but I felt it was fine given the audience size.  I then got to the Arnie stuff, which isn’t my cleverest but of material, but generally gets a decent laugh, and it got no reaction whatsoever.  It was certainly disconcerting.  Although it’s amazing your stuff goes down a storm, it’s still perfectly fine when you get muted laughter, but nothing at all is a nightmare.  It makes you realise how much the material relies on some response from the crowd and that without it your rhythm and timing become completely shot.

I ploughed on with the tweaked “incomplete joke”, but I really didn’t get any reaction from this point onwards.  The nadir of the set came early on into the “personal bit”.  As I was starting off, someone on the front row’s phone fell out of his pocket and onto the floor.  I instictively felt like I should reference it, which I did, but it threw my timing and, combined with the blank faces, I think I made a bit of a hash of the subsequent bit.  Directly following on from this is a part where I start explaining my feelings on something and this builds up into something of a rant, but, by this stage, I was sufficiently put off that it didn’t really flow as it should.  The punchline to that rant, is actually the start of the next bit and that also got no reaction.  It was at this point that I forgot what to say next.

Now, I’ve done this section on stage a number of times and probably at least a hundred times in practice.  I could probably do it in my sleep, but on this occasion it completely disappeared.  The fact that I conscious of how well I knew the bit, somehow made things worse, and less likely that I would remember. I was genuinely panicking but then I kept repeating the line to stall and because it was the thing to do that made me laugh most.  It perhaps wasn’t the best way to react but I kind of liked the honesty and lack of slickness of it.  My mind was also reeling at this point; I couldn’t decide whether to ditch the thread and try and just do something else or whether to try and stick with it.  The decision was made more difficult because the personal bit all flows, so it’s not like I could skip to a later section of it and it still make sense. In hindsight, I should have perhaps just said that I knew it wasn’t working and then dived into my joke book (which I had in my pocket as a security blanket).  But, I didn’t.  Eventually the line came back to me, but the performance was all very half-hearted from then on.  ”Luckily”, I had used so much time up in forgetting that I didn’t have time to try any of “personal bit 2″.  I ended with the play (to little reaction) and was pleased to get off.

When I died in my first handful of gigs, it was soul-destroying. Now that I have slightly more experience and have done a number of successful gigs, it’s still horrible but I’m able to deal with it relatively easily. I think it does dent the confidence a bit, but it’s also a really good leaning experience. It also highlights how much I still have to learn, particularly in how to deal better with cocking up and having different material to fall back on.  The question that always strikes me in this situation is how can material that has worked so well on other occasions fail so badly? (truly baffling)

It struck me last night that the audience members will have left the gig thinking that I’m awful, and they probably would not be able to believe that the same material has worked really well in front of other audiences.  It’s all a very strange business.

PRE-GIG:

The last time that I tried a gong show was at Beat The Frog in Preston, way back at the end of September (Gig 12). It didn’t go well; out of 8 acts, 6 lasted the full five minutes, one lasted 3:40 and I lasted 2:09. In retrospect, there were lots of reasons why I didn’t do well: it was only my twelfth gig, I hadn’t done a straight stand up gig for two months and I was completely taken aback by the size of the venue and the brightness of the lights on stage. Oh, and I performed 3 jokes about Dragons’ Den where the joke was that the jokes weren’t very funny.  Not the wisest choice of material under the circumstances.

So, I’ve decided to give it another go, and, even ignoring now badly it went last time, I’m more than a little concerned about it. The conflict with the gong show is that you want to always want to stick to your ‘artistic vision’ (just to make me sound like a complete wanker), but there’s the pressure of having to change it in order to meet the instant approval required.  It’s only natural that you really want to last the distance, so what do you do?

I’ve decided to try and stick to my own style, but have cut out anything too obtuse, especially at the beginning of the set. It will be interesting to see if my increase in experience and confidence as a performer will bear fruit or whether the pressure will get to me.

I genuinely have no idea how I’ll do, so I guess there’s only one way to find out.

POST-GIG:  Let’s cut to the chase, I ‘beat the frog’ and lasted the full five minutes, I got one card (out of 3) held up and I didn’t win the contest.  I’m more than happy with how it turned out.

My set list was essentially the same as Gig 25, only I changed the opening joke for my “stretched cat” one.  I managed to get as far as “Scooby Doo” before my time was up.  While I was undoubtedly nervous, I was also looking forward to giving it a go, and the difference in confidence and stage presence to my previous attempt was like night and day.  The opening joke went down well – I was getting laughs just from how I approached the set-up and was confident enough to take my time with it – and most of the stuff went down well from there.  I was even able to throw in a few of the elusive ad-libs that I’ve been searching for.

The point where I got a card against me was at the “Controversial-Incomplete Joke”.  I’ve done this bit since Gig 2 and I’m very fond of it, even if it doesn’t get that much of a laugh (seeing that sentence written down, does make me wonder why I’ve stuck with it for so long).  I set the “joke” up by saying that it is controversial, but incomplete and I fully deliver on that promise (well, the incomplete part, at least).  I think it’s really funny to leave it unresolved (that’s the actual joke, in my mind), but I was aware enough to know that I should have a way of addressing it for a gong show.  I did this by then pointing out that I knew it wasn’t funny (that bit was ad-libbed) and then telling them the way that several people had suggested I could resolve it (this bit was planned) – 3 separate people have genuinely suggested the same tag line to me – and this got a big laugh.  Although, I’d prefer to leave it unresolved, this experience has made me think about how it could be tweaked, so that I can keep it.

Although it would have been nice to win (since it secures you an 8-minute non-gong spot), I’m really pleased to have done the full five minutes.  At least I know now that I can do it, so that if I try something in the future that gets me gonged off then I won’t feel so bad about it.

My planned set was:

1) New bit about Roy Walker’s autobiography.  I was originally going to open with this at Gig 25, but I decided against it as it seemed a little too obtuse to try out on that particular night.  It basically consists of me telling a long (90 seconds-ish) jokeless, serious story before capping off with a fairly lame punchline.  This kind of material is, somewhat unfortunately, the type of stuff that I find funniest.  I had a burning desire to give it a try, even though there was a good chance it wouldn’t work at all.  I had to get it out of my system, if nothing else.

2) My “personal bit”.  This is about 3 minutes of stuff that generally goes down well.  The stuff I had planned next, follows on directly on from this, and it seemed a good idea to stick something in that usually works.

3) A new section that I’m going to call “personal bit 2″.  This material came from several sources.  Firstly, there are a few things that I say in “personal bit” that I thought might be funny to address in a “meta” way.  I then had a couple of relationships things.  The first of these was just a random note that I had jotted down.  The other bit was inspired by the warm-up improvisation that I performed in Gig 22.  I felt happy enough with how all this hung together, but, as always with new material, I wasn’t really sure whether or not it was punchy enough.

As this gig came just a few days after the last one (Gig 26) – which was also new stuff – I’d had to practice the material in parallel.  The advantage of doing a chunk of material on a theme – rather than some of the more random stuff I do – is that it does make it easier to remember.  I do find it really important, though, to run through it as many times as possible in order to get the wording as tight as possible, and to hopefully generate additional toppers to jokes.

There was a fairly small audience (I think I counted 13, not including the other acts), but it was enough to continue.  I was on third and, from the two acts on before me, it seemed that although the audience were enjoying it and appreciative, they weren’t making a huge amount of noise.  So, when it came to my performance, although I got a reaction, and definitely didn’t die, I wasn’t fully able to judge which bits really worked and which didn’t.  This isn’t an attempt to blame the audience,  just a symptom of my lack of experience.

As a whole, I was happy with how it went. I enjoyed doing the Roy Walker stuff and was able to get a laugh out of it (mainly by highlighting the ridiculousness of it).  I’d like to try it again, but might possibly change where I put it in the set.  The “personal bit 2″ stuff seemed to work sufficiently well and it at least felt like it was stand up material (I’ve done stuff in the past where it’s apparent that it’s not going to work when you actually perform it in front of people).  I look forward to trying it again and hopefully gauging where it can be improved.

All in all, it was a fun night.  Yes, this is a really lame way of ending it, but that’s all I’ve got.

The basis of the material was some of the short plays that I originally performed at Magical Animals (Gig 6 & Gig 11) and which have cropped up in a few straight stand up sets.  They’ve usually gone down OK, but in the past I’ve just read them out, so it was a bit of a leap to base an entire act on them in which I’d be acting them out as an idiot.  The character of Simeon Gold was quite OTT, and so the performance was crucial.  My worry was that if the audience didn’t go for the first few minutes thenI might lose confidence in the persona. Being a character act, it’s not like I could just switch to a different type of joke, like you might be able to (if you’re competent enough) with straight stand up.

Luckily, the audience did go for it and I was able to relax into it once the first laugh was out of the way.  The beauty of the “plays” is that they’re supposed to be a bit rubbish, so it does give some scope for messing about with them and improvising around the ideas.   To be honest, it couldn’t have gone much better.  Which, you know, was quite nice.

If you like daft comedy, then S.A.S. is definitely the night for you, and is a bargain at just £3.  Get involved, you won’t regret it.

P.s.

In fairness, you might regret it if you don’t like daft comedy, but it’s only £3, so give it a try anyway.

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Not only was this was my first gig of the year, it was the first “proper” stand up gig I’d done since the end of November (Gig 21). With such a long gap, I wanted to make sure I was well prepared and had my set list worked out well in advance.

As this was “The Best of Open for Laughs” (people who had done well at the regular Open for Laughs), I wanted to find a balance between doing stuff that I know works and not doing the exact same set that I’d performed at the venue last time (Gig 18).  After reviewing the material that I wanted to do, I knew I’d have to drop the “Joke Book” section, which I love doing, but it would be interesting to not fall back on it.

I only managed to do a timed run through on the day of the gig, so had to drop one of my “short plays” at the last minute, so the running order was:

1. New joke about “being sat at a desk..” (It’s not actually about that, but I don’t want to ‘ruin’ it).

2. My “this really shifty looking bloke came up to me and pointed at my wrist…” bit (previously know as “the joke that unjusticely got me gonged off at Beat The Frog” (Gig 12))

3. The “Can’t Fight The Moonlight” bit. Only previously done at Gig 14.

4. My “Luke, I am Yor Father” bit, also last seen at Gig 14.

5. The “Arnie\Controversial-Incomplete Joke” bits that have been in pretty much all my straight stand up sets,

6. “Which 3 Foods would you take on a desert island?” – I think I’ve only done this previously at Gig 5.

7. The Scooby Doo bit – previously thrown into Gig 21.

8. My “Personal” bit – this was pretty much the same as usual but with a new tag line thrown in.

Although my practices had gone well in the week, I seemed to be making a lot of unprecedented and inexplicable mistakes on my Saturday afternoon run-throughs.  I think this helped to set in a bit panic and I was the most nervous that I’d been for a long time.  Put it this way, I had soup for tea. On a Saturday.  I know, I know.

As usual, by the time I got to the venue I felt there was no way I could possibly remember my material.  Luckily, also as usual, I actually did remember it.  It all seemed to go pretty well and it was a nice return to the stage.  I feel slightly awkward talking about how it went – I’m not sure why – but I was pretty pleased with my delivery and my pacing.  If I had to pick an area where I’d like to improve, it would be to be able to play around with the material a bit more.

Bah, I’m getting a bit bored of writing this now.  See you later.

But, that’s enough about my existential angst.  As I mentioned, I was the only non-poet to perform at an extremely cold Platt Chapel. I read a couple of my short stories: my Dorian Gray and Frankenstein epic, that I’ve done a couple of times before, and a brand new one about Father Christmas’s home life.  I seemed to get a good reaction, especially for the new story.

I wasn’t entirely happy with my performance, as I seemed to stumble over my words a bit.  Part of this was down to being perishing, but also because I’d had a really busy week and hadn’t even had chance to have a dry run.  Practice makes perfect.

This looks to be my final gig of the year (boo hoo).  Next year, I really need to ramp up the number of gigs that I’m doing.  So, you know, offer me some, please.

I quite liked some of the ideas but wasn’t sure that the punchlines were punchy enough.  To be honest, I wasn’t sure they even counted as punches, they were more a friendly poke in the ribs.  The more I practiced, the more it felt like an affable anecdote than a piece of stand up.  You never know for sure, though, until you do it.  So I did it.

My suspicions were confirmed.  There were a few minor titters, but it was pretty quiet throughout.  It’s safe to say that as a piece of stand up, it was a complete failure.  I ploughed on, though, and didn’t let the stony silence deter me.  Luckily, it’s a friendly crowd at Magical Animals, so I didn’t get any stick.  Probably the most valuable thing I got from the performance was that I wasn’t despondent with how it went, and just took it as the learning experience that it was.

The only decision I have now is whether to just completely ditch all of the material or see if I can construct one or two shorter jokes from the remnants of the disaster.  Frankly, I haven’t decided yet, I’ll just wait and see.

Related articles

• Gig 11: Magical Animals @ Sandbar, Manchester – 12th September 2011 (poursomegravyonme.co.uk)
• Gig 16: Magical Animals @ Sandbar, Manchester – 10th October 2011 (poursomegravyonme.co.uk)

As I only found out the day before the show, I didn’t have time to prepare anything new and decided to go with the set I performed at Gigs 17 & 18.  Luckily, it came back pretty easily and I only needed a few run-throughs to get it straight.  I decided to throw in one new line because it was just something daft that I said at work and wanted to know whether it would work or not.

I was really pleased with how my spot went.  I think a combination of a friendly audience and performing a set that I know works allowed me to really relax into it and hopefully bring out some more of my own personality.  In terms of development, I probably need to do some more gigs with less friendly audiences, but you might as well enjoy it while you can.

As it was a special gig, with lovely people, I’ll give you the full running order:

Lee Moore (MC)

Sally Jones

Rachel Lancaster

Heena Patel

Conor Aylward

Me

Jackie Hagan

It was a genuinely entertaining evening throughout.  Often with a show that’s a bunch of open-micers, you’ll get a few lulls, but there was none of that here.  It was a genuinely talented bunch (although I may have been the lull) and it will be interesting to see how they all develop.

Related articles

• Gig 6: Magical Animals @ Sandbar, Manchester (poursomegravyonme.co.uk)
• Gig 16: Magical Animals @ Sandbar, Manchester – 10th October 2011 (poursomegravyonme.co.uk)
• Gig 10: SAS Comedy, Lass O’ Gowrie, Manchester – 13th August 2011 (poursomegravyonme.co.uk)
• Gig 14: Comedy Balloon, The Ape and Apple, Manchester – 5th October 2011 (poursomegravyonme.co.uk)
• Gig 8: Comedy Balloon, The Ape and Apple, Manchester – 20th July 2011 (poursomegravyonme.co.uk)
• Gig 7: On The Funny Side @ Pulse, Manchester – 14th July 2011 (poursomegravyonme.co.uk)

The gig was over in Huddersfield and because I didn’t go on my own, I didn’t get to do my usual practice on the drive over.  This was probably a good thing as I knew my stuff and you can be over prepared.  It also took my mind off any nerves that might have otherwise been brewing.

Open for Laughs usually takes place in Bar 1:22, but last night was transferred to Bar Maroc.  The bar is upstairs in a 1960s concrete monstrosity, but the unpromising exterior gave way to a relaxed, friendly interior.  And there were loads of poofs to sit on.  And I got a free cup of tea.  It was great.

The performance area was cordoned off and so gave a nice intimate feel for the 20-30 people in the audience.  I was on fourth in the first half, but luckily my nerves were under control and I was looking forward to performing.

It was a slightly strange gig for me in that it was hard not to compare with Tuesday.  The audience was much smaller and perhaps not as warmed up as in Salford.  It would have been almost impossible for it to go as well.   That’s not to say that it went badly – it didn’t – and I got plenty of laughs in the right places.  There were a few moments where I couldn’t help thinking “that got a big reaction on Tuesday and now it’s not” and it may have thrown me slightly, but I don’t think I let it affect me too much.

I perhaps should have done better with my “Joke Book” section.  The idea is to use some of my bad pun jokes, but dress it up a bit.  I don’t think I talked enough or do enough asides around the jokes, so it might not have been entirely clear to the audience that my fumbling through the book was part of the act.  One of the earlier acts had been working mainly from paper and stumbled  through some bits, so my section might have been a bit too reminiscent of that.  I think I probably got a bit complacent with the section and focused too much on the jokes and not enough on the stuff around them.

The only other bit to note was that the “short story” section didn’t get as much of a reaction as I would have hoped (even when not directly comparing to Tuesday).  I perhaps powered through it to get to the end, when the better option would have to just relaxed and taken my time – just having faith in the material.

Overall, it was an enjoyable gig and one I hope to play again soon.