The X Factor Finals: Grand Final 2009

December 14, 2009 7 Comments

The final of the finals is finally here.  May God have mercy on our souls.

Saturday

Running Time (including the Xtra Factor): 180 minutes

Time I watched it in: 77 minutes

X Factor Ratio: 42.8%

Before I started writing this\watching the show, I remembered that someone was going to be leaving, so I thought I better make a prediction.  I thought that Olly would (and should) be the first to be eliminated.  Look how that turned out.

Unlike previous series, I don’t really care which of the acts win this series.  I would have slightly preferred to have Stacey win, but I have to admit that Joe deserves it.

Each of the contestants performed three songs, the opener was the song that they sang at their first audition.

Stacey – What a Wonderful World – Stacey looked really nice here, although they had her precariously perched on a stool in a very short dress.  Again.  My upskirt conspiracy theory rumbled on to the very end.  The song really suited her voice and it was a pleasant, if slightly boring, performance.  The nerves showed a little in her vocals, but that’s hardly surprising under the circumstances.

The judges comments were predictably bland.

Olly – Superstition – I didn’t really mind the singing too much (apart from the fact that he couldn’t say ‘suffer’), but the dancing was as irritating as ever.  I’m fully aware of how my dislike for Olly is completely irrational.

Nothing worthy of comment from the judges, again.

Joe – Dance with my Father – I didn’t know the song and guessed the title from the lyrics.  It was another good performance from Joe, but it was very musical theatre.

I’ve given up on the judges – they’ve got no incentive to say anything nasty when it’s the final.  How boring.

The next set of songs were the not-so-secret duets.  I don’t know why the judges were being so coy about who was performing as it had been announced everywhere – including the info button on Sky.

Stacey – Feeling Good (with Michael Buble) – Mickey Bubbles singing was really weird and, as a result, it was like they weren’t performing together.  Does he usually sing like that and is this why he is so popular?  I found it baffling.  Anyway, Stacey looked pretty sexy in her shiny dress.  She also sang really well, maybe her best yet.  Mickey didn’t seem convinced that Stacey could win, he could have at least have pretended.

Olly – Angels (with Robbie) – I hate this song and if there was any lingering doubt on who might be the ‘mystery’ guest, then it didn’t last long.  Olly was pretty awful and Robbie actually cocked up his own song by coming in before he should.  Robbie looked like he was going to start crying and the whole thing felt incredibly awkward.

Joe – Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me (with George Michael) – Joe was excellent.  Although they looked like father and son, it was definitely the best duet, both vocally and in terms of performance.  At the end, George had that big star ‘I don’t quite know what’s going on’ vibe.  He also said that it must be nerve wracking to meet ‘people like him’.

The last round was the contestants ‘best song’ from the series.

Stacey – Who Wants to Live Forever – Whatever you think of Stacey, you have to admit that they’ve certainly made the most out of her legs over the series.  Although I like her voice, her performances are just too tentative for her to be a pop star.

How can Simon make the phrase “you smashed it” sound so unenthusiastic?

Olly – Fool in Love – I’m not even sure that I can remember him singing this before and I don’t have a clue what it is.  He’s not awful but I didn’t really like it.  I don’t know what he could actually do to impress me.

Joe – Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word – Well, I have to admit it, Joe deserves to win the competition.  He was excellent, again.

So that was it, all that was left was to announce who’d be going home.  Tragedy struck as Olly was announced safe.  I felt a little bit angry and sad inside.  It was down to Joe and Stacey, and clearly Joe wasn’t going home.  Poor Stacey.  Oh well, it actually makes tomorrow interesting for me, as I’m now desperate that Joe wins.  Stacey was incredibly gracious in defeat, which makes me wish she stayed in even more.

The only thing worth mentioning on The Xtra Factor was when Simon asked a pensioner caller what she was wearing and what she had on under her dressing gown.  It was quite revolting., but very funny.

Sunday

Running Time: 180 minutes

Time I watched it in:  54 minutes

X Factor Ratio: 30%

I really couldn’t be bothered watching this, but it would be a strange time to quit.  Despite saying yesterday that I really wanted Joe to beat Olly, I couldn’t actually be bothered.

There was some god-awful group song from all the finalists.   I fast forwarded through it.

Olly – Twist & Shout – Annoying.  That’s all I have.

Joe – Don’t Stop Believin’ – Yeah, it was alright.

I think I shocked even myself with just how uninterested I was.  You’ll be glad to know that I bravely soldiered on.

JLS did a duet with Alexandra Burke.  Then they wheeled out Leona Lewis.  Were they just trying to prove how bad that this year’s contestants have been in comparison to past winners?

They then performed ‘the winner’s single’.  Did I recklessly fast-forward or did Simon forget to tell us what it was called?  The chorus uses the phrase “the climb” so I googled it – apparently it’s a Miley Cyrus song.  It’s quite insipid, but what you’d expect.

Olly – Not great.  He’s not actually that bad, vocally, I just don’t ‘get it’.

Joe – I preferred this to Olly’s version, mainly because Joe is a more natural singer.  It really felt effortless compared to Olly.

How many times have we had to listen to Cheryl saying how much she’s glad to have met Joe?

I fast forwarded through George Michael, but thought I’d listen to a bit of Paul ‘Macca’ McCartney.  Then all the finalists joined him on stage to sing ‘Drive my Car’.  Deary me.  I didn’t want to watch but I couldn’t look away.  Macca saved it by doing ‘Live and Let Die’ – a mentalist classic.

I can’t believe how long they dragged out revealing the winner.  I fast forwarded for ages and it still didn’t come.  Eventually the right decision was made and Joe won.  I can’t quite believe that I think it was the right decision.

Over on The Xtra Factor Holly reveals the predictions that the judges and presenters made at boot camp, about who the final winner would be.

Dermot – Olly

Holly – Olly

Louis – Olly

Dannii – Nicole (didn’t even get through the the live shows)

Cheryl – Olly + Miss Frank (Louis demanded his rule book because she picked two acts)

Simon – Olly

They also revealed who got the most votes in each of the live shows – it makes for quite interesting reading:

Week 1 – Danyl

Week 2 – Stacey

Week 3 – Rachel

Week 4 – Danyl

Week 5 – Danyl

Week 6 – Stacey

Week 7 – Joe

Week 8 – Joe

Week 9 – Joe

Week 10 – Joe

Joe clearly had it sewn up by the last few weeks, but it’s interesting to see that Stacey and Danyl won so many weeks.

In Conclusion

You can probably tell, by how rushed Sunday’s write up is, just how fed up with it I’d become by the end.  I can’t even be bothered making any final conclusions.  See you all next year for some more X Factor fun.

Total Duration: 360 minutes

Total time I spent watching it: 131 minutes

Overall X Factor Ratio: 36.4%

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The X Factor Finals: Week 9

December 7, 2009 12 Comments

It’s the ‘semi-finals’; thank god it’s nearly all over.

Saturday

Running Time (including the Xtra Factor): 150 minutes

Time I watched it in: 70 minutes

X Factor Ratio: 46.7%

It’s Michael Jackson night, so at least there might be some good songs.  Of course, he did plenty of bad ones too.  Fingers crossed that no one does ‘Earth Song’ (you can read more about my fear of Earth Song here).

Olly – Can You Feel It? – No, Olly, I can’t.  I’ve never been a huge fan of Olly, but this was probably his worst vocal yet.  He’s also an atrocious dancer.  This week, he seemed to have been inspired by a fish.  Simon looked ecstatically happy – he’s got a great poker face.

Dannii said that they could all feel it in the room.  Bully for them.  All the judges gave him absolutely glowing praise, so maybe it’s just me.

Joe – She’s Out of my Life – I’ve slowly warmed to Joe, very much in a case of substance over style.  He’s still not my cup of tea but at least he can sing.  It’s just a shame that they gave him such a depressing song.  I can’t believe that he’s now one of my favourites – it just shows how bad some of the others have been this year.

Louis gave sickeningly gushing praise, Dannii and Simon quickly followed suit.  I started to for someone to get an absolute slating, just to liven it up.  Cheryl, of course, loved it – he is from Newcastle, after all.

Stacey – The Way You Make Me Feel – Gosh.  Dannii is either really brave or really stupid to pick the penultimate week to give Stacey an up-tempo song and a routine that involved more than just standing still.  It didn’t quite work, but it was nice to see her doing something different.  It was a bit of a weak song really, and really did nothing for her voice.

Simon: ‘It was fine, but it wasn’t you.’  There’s a reason why he’s the best judge and his comments here were really spot on.

Danyl – The Man in the Mirror – Simon covered his mouth early on in the song as if to say: ‘Dear god, what have I done?’  As always, Danyl was much stronger in the second half of the song.  Was he terrible or was he actually pretty good?  Yet again, I had no idea.   He got a standing ovation from Simon AND Cheryl.  I didn’t think it was worthy of that.

Simon said it was incredible and then got even more carried away.  I take back what I said about him being the best judge.

The second set of songs are ‘judges’ choice’.  Joy.

Olly – We Can Work It Out – This was the straw that broke the camel’s back – Olly is crap.  This was bloody awful.   And his dancing is neither big nor clever.  Towards the end, I did start to wonder if he’d actually suffered a nervous breakdown and nobody had noticed.

Louis said he was impressed that he picked a song that wasn’t well known.  Yeah, because the Beatles are just an obscure indie band.

Joe – Open Arms – Cheryl did a really awful overhead clap at the start of the song.  It made me feel a bit embarrassed.  I don’t know what the song was (I looked up the title), but it was absolutely awful.  We were right back in the realms of musical theatre with this performance.  He was also stood on a table.

The judges were getting on my nerves by this point.  Cheryl thinks she is actually Joe’s mum.

Stacey – Somewhere – The cheese factor was really cranked up with this song choice, but it did suit her voice.  I’m no fashion expert but her dress wasn’t very flattering; I kept thinking that it was going to inflate.

Simon came out with one of his classic lines: ‘You are back in the game, sweetheart.’  I hope that Stacey wins, simply because she’s so bashful when she gets compliments.  It’s not a very good reason for wanting someone to win, but its all I’ve got.  Thank god that she did this song last or she may have been in trouble.

Danyl – I Have Nothing – God, Simon can’t half pick some melodramatic rubbish.  I’ve reached this weird point with Danyl where I simultaneously think that he’s a cracking singer and that he’s absolutely garbage.  I don’t really know how to comment.

Louis now officially thinks that everyone should be in the final.  Cheryl managed to give him positive comments without actually giving him a compliment.  She clearly doesn’t like him.

With the main show finished, I thought I’d managed to escape its evil clutch, but the Xtra Factor played a snippet from Earth Song.  A snippet is more than I can handle.  Holly appeared to be wearing one of Bet Lynch’s old dresses, but, dear god, was she ever working it.

We get to the best bit of the week – the public interrogation of the judges, who seem to be genuinely dreading what the callers are going to ask them.  You can’t have better proof for what a good feature it is.  Jenny phoned in for the third week running and completely lost the plot.  I’ve never heard anything quite like it and Holly said that she was a bit scared.  Jenny is either a great actress or a complete nutcase.  Louise then phoned in and attacked Dannii in a Paxman-esqe way over what Stacey wears on stage.  Simon just sat and grinned.

My predictions:

Should go home: Olly

Will go home: Danyl

Sunday

Running Time: 120 minutes

Time I watched it in: 43 minutes

X Factor Ratio: 35.8%

I was at my brother’s when the show was on live and I had the misfortune of watching the first 40 minutes.  I couldn’t believe just how boring it was in real-time.  This kind of robbed my final bit of enthusiasm for blogging about it.

Danyl went home.

In Conclusion

My prediction was right and the early favourite, Danyl, went home.  I wish it had been Olly.  Here are my current favourites, for what it’s worth.

1. Stacey

2. Joe

3. No… I’m not going to say Olly.

Total Duration: 270 minutes

Total time I spent watching it: 113 minutes

Overall X Factor Ratio: 41.9 %

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The X Factor Finals: Week 8

November 30, 2009 9 Comments

We’re down to five acts this week and I’m feeling as apathetic as I possibly could be towards the competition.  Frankly, you should consider yourselves very lucky to be getting this post at all.  The theme this week was Take That and Elton John – the contestants did 2 songs each.

Saturday

Running Time (including the Xtra Factor): 165 minutes

Time I watched it in: 66 minutes

X Factor Ratio: 40%

Danyl – Relight my Fire – In the VT, Cheryl looked like she was dressed to go to a court appearance, and it was the first time she’s looked like a real person in about 2 years.  Danyl was strangely not very good, it sounded like his voice was constricted somehow.   He also appeared to be wearing a woman’s t-shirt.  After weeks of saying how much better he is than the others, I’m beginning to wonder if that’s true.

Louis was in his ultra-positive mode already; he’s boring when he has no acts left.

Lloyd – A Million Love Songs – Lloyd would be OK if he could actually project his voice.  He can’t.  He also looks distinctly uncomfortable on stage.  A bit boring.

Olly – Love Ain’t Here Anymore – The best bit of the performance was when he was sat on the stage at the beginning and sang to a member of the audience.  It was the best bit because it was incredibly cringey and so was quite funny.  The rest of it was pretty dull.

Joe – Could it be Magic – I don’t want to repeat myself, as I say the same thing about Joe every week, so I’ll summarise: very talented cruise ship entertainer.  That actually sounds a lot cattier than I intended to be; at the end of the day, who am I to have a go at anybody’s singing talent?  Anyway, he is an excellent singer and is the only one to give consistent performances, week after week.

Simon is being a bit boring so far.

Stacey – Rule the World –  I’m back to liking Stacey’s voice again, as I did early on in the competition.  It was very pleasant (although she needs to sort out her breathing).  I feel a bit mean that I’ve called her a gonk, because it’s clearly down to nerves. I do like her gonkiness though.

It was half-time and the judges said who they think had ‘delivered’ so far:

Simon – Danyl & Olly (shock)

Cheryl – Lloyd & Joe (shock)

Dannii – Stacey & Joe

Louis – Joe

And, with that, the second half kicked off.

Lloyd – I’m Still Standing – My gut feeling was that this was much better than his first song, although I don’t exactly know why.  It must be bloody hard to stay focused when you have Cheryl beaming at you.  Louis hates Lloyd – Cheryl stuck up for him, which was good to see.  Simon said that it was like an amateur dramatics performance – it was good to see him back on form.  Cheryl was livid, I love it when she’s feisty.

Danyl – Your Song – I thought the first half was a bit ropey but he had a real return to form in the second half of the song.  It was a bit weird how a load of kids came on to the stage like the children of the corn.  Simon came out with one of his classic lines: ‘it wasn’t good, it was sensational.’  I’m not convinced that it’s good enough to always start the song poorly, as Danyl often does, even if the second half is very good.

Olly – Saturday Night’s Alright (For Fighting) – Was Olly really sweaty or did he have a rubber shirt on?  I just find him really lame.  Louis said: ‘I like your funny dancing.’

Joe – Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word – The song actually really suited him and it was probably the least ‘musical theatre’ that he’s been all series.  I’m slowly warming to Joe; I didn’t think it would ever happen.

Stacey – Something About the Way You Look Tonight – The judges didn’t seem to like it, but I thought it was pretty good.

Over on The Xtra Factor, what was the deal with Holly’s make-up?  I don’t like to say anything that could remotely be considered a criticism of Holly, but it had to be said.

There’s no sing off this week, so it’s a straight prediction on who will go.

Should go home: Lloyd

Will go home: Danyl

Sunday

Running Time: 120 minutes

Time I watched it in: 41 minutes

X Factor Ratio: 34.2%

The group song was ‘I Don’t Feel Like Dancing’ by the Scissor Sisters.  Strangely, Stacey’s voice was the lowest in the whole song.  They also made her sit on a step again in a very short dress – they seem determined to get some upskirt action from her.  It was the best group song of the series, but please don’t read this as meaning that it was any good.

With no sing-off, I was able to whizz through the results show in 8 minutes.  The only thing worth noting is that Lloyd went home.  I did say in my predictions that he should go home, but I found myself wishing that some of the others had gone home instead (Olly & Danyl).  I think that’s just me being contrary, though.

Over on The Xtra Factor, I’m pleased to say that Holly’s make-up was looking much better, and she was back to her usual lovely self.

In Conclusion

It’s quite boring now that the twins have gone, so I’ll just tell you my favourite acts:

1. Stacey

2. Joe

3. Danyl

Total Duration: 285 minutes

Total time I spent watching it: 107 minutes

Overall X Factor Ratio: 37.5 %

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Rhydian Backs Olly..sort of

November 27, 2009 Leave a Comment

My not-so-secret sources have revealed another exclusive X Factor story from this week’s upcoming News of the World:

FORMER X Factor star Rhydian Roberts reckons Olly Murs will win the show this year because he is the most popular.

The opera ace - who came second to Leon Jackson in the 2007 series - said:  “Maybe Olly will be this year’s late bloomer; he’s looking the most likely.
“Danyl Johnson has to be my favourite at the moment though because he is the best singer, Joe McElderry second and Stacey Solomon third.
“The only problem with Danyl is that the public don’t seem to like him and I think Olly is probably the most popular.”

This is a bit of a strange story as the ice-haired Welshman backs Olly to win because he’s the most popular – yet he was in the bottom two last week.  Then, he actually doesn’t think he should win – at best he’s ranking him as fourth out of the last five.  Are we supposed to read between the lines here or something? I feel like there’s a hidden message in this article that I can’t quite work out.

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The X Factor Finals: Week 7

November 23, 2009 9 Comments

This week’s theme was George Michael.  Meh.

Saturday

Running Time (including the Xtra Factor): 140 minutes

Time I watched it in: 59 minutes

X Factor Ratio: 42.1%

Lloyd – Faith – The exciting news is that Lloyd has had a bit of a haircut.  The unexciting news is that his singing is as ropey as ever.   It’s not that he’s got a bad voice, as such, he’s just really patchy.  I suppose that you have to remember that he’s only 16.  There’s no George Michael masterclass, so the theme seems a bit OTT.

Louis is wearing a ridiculous bow-tie, and so it really suited him.  The crowd went wild because Simon described the performance as ‘not bad’.  Is this the level that we’ve sunk to?

Stacey – Don’t know – They had her sat down to start the performance whilst wearing a very short dress – quite brave.  The song was really boring, whatever it was.   It would have been quite a good performance but there were one or two dodgy bits in it.  She’s still a lovable gonk though.

The crowd seemed to be suffering from mass hysteria; I wonder what they feed to them before it starts.  Stacey looks really bashful when she gets praise, which is quite endearing.  People will probably think that she was putting it on, though.

John and Edward – I’m Your Man – This was a relatively subdued performance from the twins as they cavorted around on a 20-foot high scaffold.  They were definitely back in the absolutely rubbish category, but at least they aren’t boring.  Simon described them as an “unstoppable machine” – a truly frightening thought.

Danyl – Careless Whisper – I don’t really know what I thought about it.  He’s on a different level to the other acts and so it’s difficult to really judge him.  Cheryl said that parts of it were really flat – she gets in her weekly Danyl dig – good girl.

Olly – Fast Love – Another one of the acts with dodgy bits.  I think I’m going to have to accept that I just don’t like him, even if it’s really unfair.  His stupid dancing was quite subdued, which was a shame.  Overall, I thought it was pretty bad, he seems to be getting worse if anything.  Danni said that there were tuning problems in the first half of the song.  I’m glad it wasn’t just me that thought so.

Joe – Don’t Let the Sun Go Down On Me – Simon did a great appreciative nod towards the beginning of the song.  Joe’s not really my cup of tea but he’s certainly consistent each week, and that’s more than you can say for the others.

We’ve got to the stage in the competition where Louis loves everybody.  He did manage to to open his rule book and have a go about it being an Elton John song and not a George Michael one.  Simon managed to take credit for the performance, as he always does.

The main show seemed to fly by tonight, so my comments seem to be a lot shorter than usual.  Could The Xtra Factor help me pad it out any?  Well, Joan Collins was in the audience looking like a leopard-skin scarecrow.  It was quite scary so I just focused on Holly and I felt instantly soothed.

Up in the studio with the judges and Cheryl was wearing a ridiculously short dress to be sat on a stool.  The stylists appeared to be going for the upskirt factor.

Someone asked Louis why he has to be childish whenever he’s being criticised, he said ‘because that’s what I’m like.’  Which was a good answer, to be fair.  Someone else slagged off Simon’s song choices for Danyl.  Another guy suggested that Louis has had a face-lift.  Gina phoned up and nastily accused Cheryl of favouring Joe over Lloyd.  God, I love Britain.

Predictions:

Should be in bottom 2: Lloyd + Olly

Will be in bottom 2: Lloyd + Danyl

Sunday

Running Time: 120 minutes

Time I watched it in: 35 minutes

X Factor Ratio: 29.2%

The group song was Wake Me Up Before You Go Go.  Like always, it was hideous.

Skipping through a lot of rubbish (Susan Boyle and Mariah Carey), it boiled down to John & Edward and Olly in the final two.

Jedward sang Boyzone’s No Matter What, the first time in the competition that they’ve actually ‘sung’.  It really showed just how bad they are.

Olly sang a song (I knew what it was but I’ve already forgotten what it was) and was distinctly average.  Sadly, ‘distinctly average’ is too much for Jedward to contend with.

It was pretty obvious who was going to go, but I found myself praying that the twins would survive.  Sadly they didn’t.

In conclusion

It’s quite incredible that Lloyd wasn’t in the bottom two, maybe people are voting because they feel sorry for him.  Jedward are finally gone – they were absolutely rubbish singers, but the show is going to be a lot more boring without them.  There’s no one left that I’m really rooting for – a sorry state of affairs.

My favourite acts:

1. Stacey – Meh.

2. Danyl – Meh.

3. Joe – Meh.

Total Duration: 260 minutes

Total time I spent watching it: 94 minutes

Overall X Factor Ratio: 36.2 %

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The X Factor Finals: Week 6

November 16, 2009 5 Comments

This week was ‘Queen Week’ and I’m totally bored of the themes.  They could only save it by having ‘Indie Week’ in which Joe sings The Stone Roses and Jedward cover The Smiths.  We can but dream.

P.s.

I inexplicably can’t put breaks between paragraphs in Sunday’s bit.

Saturday

Running Time (including the Xtra Factor): 150 minutes.
Time I watched it in: 70 minutes
X Factor Ratio: 46.7%

The show started with a strange serious bit.  After some disparaging comments about the show, Simon challenged Sting to come on to the programme as a mentor.  Well done, Simon, you can’t beat a good celebrity feud for a bit of drama.  He then went on to insist that last week’s decision, not to save Lucie, was definitely not tactics and that he’d never do that.  He also restated the trust that has in the public to decide.  The public, coincidentally, buy records.

Jamie – ‘Radio Ga Ga’ – I think it’s a bit of a weak song but he proved that he’s actually a good singer, and didn’t do too much shouting.  I still thought he was awful though.  Cheryl sat po-faced while she was watching him and then looked bemused after he had finished.  Dannii said that the song didn’t show off his vocal range and Louis said that he’s out of his depth.  Cheryl and Simon were both complimentary about him without really saying anything.  The phrase ‘damning with faint praise’ sprang to mind.

Lloyd – ‘Crazy Little Thing Called Love’ –  It was apparent before he even started singing that this song was too much of a stretch for Lloyd.  I felt like I had been transported to a 1980s Butlins and the Red Coats were putting on a show.  He was better than he has been in the last few weeks, though.   By that, I mean that he looked a bit less like a zombie when he was performing.

Simon described him as: ‘Like a puppy taking part in the Grand National.’  This made no sense whatsoever, but it was pretty funny.  Although, it was only funny because it didn’t really make sense.

Olly – ‘Don’t Stop Me Now’ – Olly seems to be a lot of people’s favourite but I’ve never been impressed, so I tried to take a fresh look at him this week.  My instant reaction was ‘Meh?’  I suppose he’s quite good but I can’t help but feel like there’s something wrong with him – and I don’t just mean his epileptic dancing.  Dannii said to him: ‘Your dance moves are incredible.’   I came away with the feeling that maybe this means that I’m an incredible dancer too, because I can writhe around like an idiot just as well as the next man.

Joe – ‘Somebody to Love’ – I’ll just make the same point as I do every week; he’s got a good voice for musicals but he’d make the least convincing pop star since Susan Boyle.  Sadly, he’s probably one of the best singers left on the show.

Louis’ rule book reared its ugly head again, this week he claimed that having a choir was cheating. Cheryl told him to shut up.

John and Edward – ‘Under Pressure\Ice Ice Baby’ – I thought it was inevitable that they were going to speak ‘We Will Rock You’, this week.  So, if the song choice was a surprise, I don’t know how you’d describe the fact that they actually sounded OK on the singing bits (relatively speaking).  Fortunately, the ‘rapping’ (speaking) bits were terrible and so normality was restored.  At one stage a man jumped around on stage with a pineapple on his head.  It was impossible to tell if this was supposed to be part of the act or not.

I suddenly became overcome with a startling vision – Jedward are going to sell millions of records.  It was a sobering thought.

In all fairness, they were actually pretty good this week and not just ‘so bad that they’re good’.  You definitely couldn’t accuse them of being ‘karaoke’.  Obviously I say this with my X Factor head on;  I’m fully aware that in the real world they’re shit.

Louis’ rule book stayed suspiciously closed.

Stacey – ‘Who Wants to Live Forever’ – If I was in a sarcastic mood I would answer: ‘Not me.’  Anyway, for the girl always accused of doing no performance they pick one the most plodding songs ever and she’s required to walk about 4 steps.  On the other hand,though, she was much better vocally than she has been recently and was easily one of the best on the night.  The judges bigged her up to the Nth degree – was she really that good or are they just scared of losing the only girl left?

Danyl – ‘We Are the Champions’ – It was a tough week for Danyl as he was given maybe one of the worst songs of all time. The first part of the performance felt like he was reining himself in too much, and so it seemed a bit strange.  He picked it up for the second half and proved that he’s still the best singer in the competition, by far.  Simon made a really good point in saying that Danyl sang the song like he meant it – it’s such a cheesey song that it’s hard to take it seriously – but Danyl managed to pull it off.

And that was all the acts done and dusted and it just remained to flick over to The Xtra Factor.  Holly revealed that  it was Calvin Harris that jumped on stage with Jedward (with a pineapple on his head), and that he had been booted out of the studio.  At least we now know that it wasn’t part of the act.

I found it pretty easy to make my predictions pretty this week:

Should be in bottom 2: Lloyd + Jamie

Will be in bottom 2: Lloyd + Jamie

Sunday

Running Time: 120 minutes
Time I watched it in: 46 minutes
X Factor Ratio: 38.3%
The group song was Bohemian Rhapsody, and, while it wasn’t quite as cringe-worthy as previous efforts, it was all pretty gang show.  Brian May and Roger Taylor joined in with them.  I don’t know whether that’s a good thing or not.
Next up was the charity single.  I think it’s actually quite good that they do this – it uses the massive popularity of the programme to raise money for a good cause – and it also gives some of the unsuccessful acts the chance to at least have one hit single.  Sadly, the song is Michael Jackson’s ‘You Are Not Alone’, one of the most depressing songs ever.
The final two were Jamie and Lloyd – Good god, my predictions were 100% right!  I claim no skill in this, I had to get it right eventually due to the law of averages.
Jamie – The Show Must Go On – Another Queen song?? Over the last couple of nights I’ve realised that I actually quite like his voice, but the problem is that he does absolutely nothing for me as a performer.  I was totally bored and fast forwarded through the second half of the song.
Lloyd – No idea (not the name of the song, I just don’t know what it was) – Lloyd is one of those singers that has a nice tone to his voice but still somehow sounds awful.  There’s not much to choose between these two – they both deserved to go.
Simon and Cheryl understandably chose to save their own acts.  Louis sent home Jamie as he thinks that Lloyd has more potential and appeal.  This meant that the final decision came to Dannii and she chose to send home Lloyd.  She did qualify this by saying that she was actively choosing to save Jamie rather than passively taking it to deadlock.  Yet again we were relying on the public vote and Jamie went home.  Simon looked like he was shocked, but how could he be?
On the Xtra Factor Simon was asked whether he used tactics by choosing the themes to suit Jamie?  His answer: ‘Obviously not.’

In Conclusion

It’s a pity that Lloyd couldn’t have gone as well as Jamie, but then we’ve already established that I don’t really like any of the acts.  Jedward survive another week which is continuing to prove that Louis was somehow right to pick them in the first place.

My favourite acts:

1. Danyl – the best singer.

2. Stacey – better than last week.

3. Jedward – they’re not boring.

Total Duration:  270 minutes

Total time I spent watching it: 116  minutes

Overall X Factor Ratio: 43.0%

 

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The X Factor Finals: Week 5

November 9, 2009 2 Comments

It was ‘Movies Week’ on the X Factor this week, but this was essentially just free rein for them to pick whichever songs they wanted (virtually every popular song has appeared in one film or other).  On a personal note, my post might be a bit shorter\rubbisher this week due to blogging fatigue and a technical failure.

Saturday

Running Time (including the Xtra Factor): 155 minutes
Time I watched it in: 61 minutes

X Factor Ratio: 39.4%

Stacey – ‘Son of a Preacher Man’ from Pulp Fiction –  Stacey had a few ‘sexy’ dance moves to perform this week but it looked a bit like she’d had a stroke.  I usually quite like Stacey, but, although the vocal was technically pretty good, the performance felt really flat.  Simon got his digs in early this week with ‘it was a lazy song choice’ and ‘you could be vulnerable’.   To be fair, she could have been vulnerable as it wasn’t great.

Olly – ‘Twist and Shout’ from ???? –  I’m never really blown away by Olly and I’m starting to think it’s because he seems to give the same performance every week.  Plus, he always sings old fashioned songs.  Simon went ‘woo’ after the performance, so I guess he liked it.  Louis said:  ‘Why the silly song?’ and Dannii also had a go at him.  The judges were really on top form.  Cheryl said that he always sings retro songs; great minds think alike.

Lloyd – ‘Stand by Me’ from the film…Stand by Me? – I don’t really know what I thought of it, but if I had to guess I’d say pretty bad.  The judges are being really harsh tonight, I wonder if something was said before the show.  Lloyd, deservedly, got really bad comments so the screaming young girl vote might need to kick back in to save him.

Jamie – ‘Crying’ from ???? –  Simon pulled a funny face at the beginning of the song and it made me wonder if the rumours are true that him and Jamie don’t get along.  I thought the song was really bad, but I’m struggling to explain exactly why.  I seem to feel the same about a lot of the acts.

Apparently the song was from the film was Gummo.  Louis then claimed that Simon was cheating because he’d never heard of it.  Cheryl and Simon then had another lovers’ tiff.

Lucie – I’ve no idea what the song was, never mind the film –  While not being completely convinced, Lucie was certainly one of the better acts this week.  For the first time, I could actually imagine her being a pop star and she made the song her own, whatever it was.  She also had the best judges comments up to that point.

Danyl – ‘Purple Rain’ from Purple Rain – In a shock move, to silence his critics, Danyl had a new hair cut.  He still didn’t seem back to 100% but he was a welcome relief because he gave a good performance that left me with no mixed feelings.  Let’s hope that all the bullshit around him is done and dusted and he can just get on with him singing.  It seemed pretty obvious that Simon’s glowing praise was intended to boost his confidence.

John and Edward – ‘Ghostbusters’ from Ghostbusters – There were plenty of boos in the studio, which seemed totally unfair until they started.

Fuck.  Me.

It was perhaps the most horrific thing that I’ve ever seen as they did a panto recreation of Ghostbusters.  They even had the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man show up.   It was jaw-droppingly bad and there were plenty more boos for the twins when they had finished.  To be honest, it’s all getting a bit awkward.  Incredibly, Simon said it was ‘sort of good’ – you can take this as a sign that the end of the world is nigh.  I couldn’t decide whether he was being nice to make sure they got voted off, or if he was hedging his bets in case they win.

Joe – ‘Circle of Life’ from some Disney shite – Joe should very clearly be working in musicals, but, as much as it pains me to say so, he’s still miles better than lots of the others.

Over on The Xtra Factor I was pleased to see the judges were upstairs again.  Simon gamely picked ‘Simon’s unfair’ and the caller questioned Simon’s commitment to Jamie with Paxmanesqe determination.  Not to be outdone, Cheryl picked ‘Cheryl can’t pick songs’, which was just an excuse for someone to have a go at her.  It’s all so refreshingly honest.

I usually give my predictions for the bottom two, but I hadn’t written my notes up before the results show and so I’d feel like I was cheating if I were to do it now.

Sunday

Running Time: 120 minutes
Time I watched it in: 33 minutes

X Factor Ratio: 27.5%

Well, inexplicably, there was no sound on my recording of the results show.  Some people might consider that to be a blessing, but it does mean that I can’t give any details other than what I could guess.  Jedward were finally in the bottom two but, somewhat surprisingly, so was Lucie, who was one of the best acts this week.

I’ve no idea what the sing-off was like, or what they sang, but I’ll take a wild guess that Lucie sang better.

Bizarrely, Simon took the vote to deadlock and Lucie went home.  I can only assume that Simon must be playing some tactical game to take it to deadlock.  On the Xtra Factor everyone seemed a bit gutted.  The feeling was summed up best by Maz from Fife as she asked Simon what on earth he was playing at.

In Conclusion

Well, just as I was getting to like Lucie she went home.  I might keep my trap shut from now on.

I’ve realised that I don’t seem to like any of the acts, so I’m going to force myself to pick my top three.  These are just my personal picks and not who I think will win.  I would have included Lucie if she hadn’t gone.

1. Danyl – It doesn’t really matter if he has the ‘likeability factor’ or not, he’s easily the best singer.

2. Stacey – Incredibly, I’m really struggling to pick someone other than Danyl.  I’ve plumped for Stacey because I liked her in the early weeks.  I think she’s been pretty bad for the last two weeks.

3.  Joe – There is no rational explanation for me to pick Joe because I’ve consistently given him a slating.  In my head, I know I should pick Olly, but I just found myself picking Joe.  It’s not a good sign for the series as a whole that it was such a struggle for me to pick.

And that’s the end of this week’s rather lacklustre report.  You can tell that I wasn’t really in the mood because I’ve sworn at least 3 times during the course of the post and I’m such a good boy that I don’t usually use naughty words.  I’ll see you next week for whatever bogus theme they think up.

Total Duration:  275 minutes

Total time I spent watching it: 94  minutes

Overall X Factor Ratio: 34.2%

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The X Factor Finals: Week 4

November 2, 2009 6 Comments

It was ‘Rock Week’ on the X Factor this week and it meant that I might possibly like some of the songs.   That said, they were always likely to be somewhat flexible in their definition of ‘rock’, so I wasn’t banking on liking any of them.  On a more mundane note, I hurriedly finished this post on my dinner, so please forgive any mistakes until I get chance to go back and edit it.

Saturday

Running Time (including the Xtra Factor): 165 minutes
Time I watched it in: 78 minutes

X Factor Ratio: 47.3%

Without further ado, let’s get down to the singing:

Joe – So far he has been my least favourite contestant, perhaps unfairly.  Even though I had no idea what the song was that he was singing,  I actually hated it less than his other performances.  That’s quite a compliment coming from me.

It struck me, even this early in the evening, that there’s a possibility that none of the contestants actually have the x-factor this year.  Disappointingly, there was no Bon Jovi master class; I was strangely looking forward to it.

Lucie – I had pretty much the same thoughts as I did last week; she’s got a lovely voice but it all seems a little half-hearted.  I feel completely unfair criticising someone who sings so well, but you end up being hyper-critical when you watch these kind of programmes.  Simon came up with his first of many funny quotes: ’The reason I didn’t like you last week is because you were boring.’  Mr Cowell did praise her but it felt a little like he was forced to.  It made me wonder if, following last week’s shocks, they were going to be grimly positive for anyone that they consider to be a ‘singer’.

Danyl – The performance that all the vultures were looking forward to most; how would he cope after the shock of last week?  It’s not quite clear to me why he is  ’hated’ and  I find it all slightly weird.  His introductory VT set the scene with the obligatory sob story.  Danyl sang the Aerosmith ‘Armageddon’ song, which was a classic Simon song choice.  Incredibly, the early part of the song was awful – he didn’t sing the melody and he was out of tune.  What on earth has gone wrong with him?  It was a terrible performance and he knew it; he looked like a broken man.  Dannii’s comments were spot on, but it felt a little harsh after he had been so much better than anyone else in previous weeks.  Cheryl told him that, ‘You don’t do it for me’, which seemed like she was being tactical again.  Simon cagily praised the second half of the song, but the implications for the first half were clear.

The cynical part of my brain wondered if he was acting sad on purpose.

Lloyd – In previous weeks I’ve been quite lenient on Lloyd because I like the tone of his voice.  Sadly, a poor vocal this week highlighted his rabbit in the headlights performance style, but I don’t want to be too harsh on him because he is only 16.  He sang a Katy Perry song so you can consider the definition of rock well and truly stretched.

If he didn’t have screaming girls voting for him then he’d be in real trouble this week.

Stacey – They gave her a more elaborate performance this week after being compared to a statue in previous episodes.  The first half of the song consisted of her sitting on a box which is surely less effort than standing still.  Eventually she did a bit of walking whilst singing.  What amazing choreography.

I like Stacey purely because I could imagine listening to her to help me fall asleep.  This is weird in iteself as I don’t listen to music when I’m falling asleep and it can hardly be considered a compliment.  Simon said: ’I was more impressed with your walking than with your singing.’

Jamie – It was a deceptively tough night for Jamie because it was ‘his week’ and he needed to do something special.  He didn’t. And, to make matters worse, the fake band were back.

I feel like I judge him more harshly than some of the others, I think, because I expect more from him.  I didn’t like it, but was he really any worse than anybody else?  I’m finding it increasingly difficult to make objective comments on any of them.

Cheryl questioned why we suddenly have rock week in the one year that Simon has a rock singer in his category.  Simon looked deeply offended by the insinuation.  Awesome.

Rachel – She really stepped up last week and needed to keep her momentum going.  The first thing to that needs to be mentioned is the terrible dress that she was wearing.  Even I could have picked a better one.  Not that it’s really relevant.  She sang ‘One’ by U2 and I was a bit worried during the first half of the song, but she really pulled it together and was probably the best act so far.

Simon, modest as ever, said: ’I take complete credit for turning you around.’

I feel like there is a decrease in the number of sarcastic jokes in my post this week. They’re obviously not giving me enough material to work with.

John and Edward – Simon said (as he was laughing): ‘This is worse than a nightmare.’  The nightmare certainly continued as The Twerps did a rap version of ‘We Will Rock You’ by Queen.  It was certainly very appropriate for Halloween.  My theory, on Friday, that they would be asked to do a toned down performance was WAY off the mark.

Actually this was the least bad that they’ve been in the whole competition, which, ironically, means that they’re probably going home.  God forgive me for saying this, but I would sort of prefer them to  stay in rather than some of the others.  At least they have a bit of personality.

Olly – Oh yeah, that Olly guy is still in the competition.  I can’t really criticise him vocally, but he’s yet another contestant where I’m just not feeling it.  Simon seemed to like it; he looked like he was being sucked off under the desk.  Olly was the final act for the night.

Over on The Xtra Factor, the judges were in the upstairs studio and took part in a new feature in which they picked a viewer to speak to, based on a brief headline.  It was actually quite a funny segment and the judges had fun picking callers to wind each other up.  On a logistical note, Cheryl was really not wearing the right dress to be perched on a stool and she did well to conceal herself.  It’s a real struggle for me not to say something complimentary about Holly.

The best part of the whole evening came when Heidi from the Sugababes phoned up and Simon sarcastically asked how they were all getting on these days.   They swiftly moved on.

I’m really struggling to know who to pick in my predictions.  Nobody is rubbish, but neither is anybody standing out. As such, I’m just going to pick on whims.  To be fair, I can’t be any less accurate than previous attempts.

Should be in bottom 2: Lloyd + Jamie

Will be in bottom 2: Lucie + Rachel

Sunday

Running Time: 120 minutes
Time I watched it in: 46 minutes

X Factor Ratio: 38.3%

The show started with the customary group song and it continued its tradition of being unspeakably awful.  I don’t think we should discuss it any further.

I fast forwarded through lots of stuff here and got straight to the results with Rachel and Lloyd being the bottom two.  I predicted Rachel would be there and did so simply because she had been there before.  Even though she was one of the best performers on the night, she is the one that doesn’t seem to have a fan base.  Lloyd was a surprise despite me thinking that he should be there.  A few weeks ago the Scottish block vote myth was shattered (when Rikki went home), and this week the Screaming Young Girls block vote myth was dispelled.  How bizarre.

It was a tough call on who should go.  I felt that Rachel was the stronger act, but how many second chances should you give somebody?  We’d have to see how they performed in the sing-off.

Rachel – ‘Stop Crying Your Heart Out’ by Oasis – It must have been tough for her in the circumstances but she pulled through and gave a good, solid performance.

Lloyd – ‘You Are So Beautiful’ by Joe Cocker – Cheryl stressed that Lloyd had a bad throat before he sang and he did a nice touch of the throat, while he was singing, to emphasise his poorliness.  To be fair, he was clearly struggling and did the best he could – which wasn’t great.

The two lady judges voted with their acts and Louis voted to save Rachel.  It was all down to Simon who fairly, yet boringly, took it to deadlock and the public vote.  Not surprisingly Rachel went home.

After switching over to The Xtra Factor, it seemed that Lloyd actually couldn’t talk.  He did well to be able to sing at all.

Following on from the success of the previous night the judges were back upstairs on their stools.  Cheryl was sensibly wearing trousers this time.  It was a good idea to move them to the Xtra Factor studio and you get much more out of them when they’re not sat in the main studio.

They went to the phone lines again and Louis loved the fact that they picked ‘Simon can’t mentor’.  The callers all tend to be unflinchingly direct and it makes for enjoyably uncomfortable viewing.  One of the callers basically just told Cheryl that her dress was horrible.  I don’t think she quite knew how to respond.  If you’re not watching this bit then you’re missing out.

In Conclusion

It’s a shame that Rachel went  home as she was by no means the worst contestant.  After this week, even taking in to account his sore throat, Lloyd seriously needs to buck his ideas up.  Quite remarkably Jedward live to fight another day. How long will their reign of terror go on?

Total Duration: 285 minutes

Total time I spent watching it:  124 minutes

Overall X Factor Ratio: 43.5%

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X Factor News (of the World)

October 30, 2009 4 Comments

Yesterday, I received an e-mail from Mark at i-level (a marketing company) offering me weekly X Factor updates supplied by the News of the World.  This gave me mixed feelings.  I find it gratifying enough when somebody reads my blog, but this was someone offering to send me exclusive material for me to use.  On the other hand, I felt a bit unsure how I felt about promoting a tabloid newspaper.  After a bit of internal debate, I’m afraid that vanity got the better of me and I thought I’d give it a try; it will be an interesting experiment if nothing else.  It’s possible that you could be questioning my integrity at this stage, but a) it’s stories about X Factor, so integrity doesn’t come in to play, and b) since I’m receiving no form of recompense for using the stories then I can’t exactly be accused of ‘selling out’.

As a Liverpool fan, I am aware that some people are uncomfortable with the NOTW as it is owned by the same parent company as The S*n and is seen as its ‘sister paper’.  It is my understanding of the boycott that it applies purely to the aforementioned ‘newspaper’, which I would have nothing to do with it.  Some of the content that I have been forwarded comes as an embedded video format, which, although it only has NOTW branding, features a link to the NOTW web-site where there is a link to the rag.  For that reason, I have decided not to use that embedded link.  I thought I better state my position clearly before I start.

Anyway, with that serious stuff out of the way, here is a preview of a couple of stories that will appear in this Sunday’s News of the World.  The first contains the X Factor’s chief choreographer Brian Friedman’s thoughts on The Twerps:

X FACTOR dance ace Brian Friedman is begging viewers to stop voting for the Grimes twins – as a win by Jedward would “make a mockery” of the show.
Choreographer Brian has admitted that while Dublin lads John and Edward are great entertainment, they could ruin the credibility of the country’s biggest singing contest because they don’t have any talent.
So bad are their raw vocals that Brian, 32, says listening to the boys sing is like “entering the gates of hell.”
Still the boys, 18, have yet to be left in the bottom two by voters – and are now ranked with a 14/1 shot at winning by bookies.
Meanwhile, Brian has been ordered by Simon Cowell to make sure star singer Danyl Johnson, 27, does not face a repeat of last week – where he was left in the bottom two despite being the head judge’s key talent.
He said Simon’s initial worries about a Grimes victory have been eclipsed by the thought that Danyl – one of Simon’s favourites to ever appear on the show – could be next to leave.
Brian said: “There is no way to figure out exactly what the public are voting for.
“But I really hope the viewers with actual music taste got the wake up call they needed with Danyl and Miss Frank being in the bottom two last week – they have to get voting for people who can sing.
“I absolutely do not think the Grimes twins deserve to win. And I’m not alone in that – but if you want to make a change you’ve got to get on the phone and vote.”

On the surface, this seems quite a non-story – anyone with any sense agrees that the twins are rubbish.  What is interesting, though, is that someone internal to the programme has come out and criticised one of the acts, and this seems quite unusual.  It’s especially strange as it is Brian’s job to prepares the contestants to perform.  Does this mean that we should expect a stripped back, no-gimmicks Jedward performance this week, in order to highlight their flaws?  You may also remember that in my post  for Week 3 that I mentioned that Brian had to go to an emergency meeting following the live results show.  This story has made me even more curious to know what was said in that meeting.

The second story is about little Lloyd:

X FACTOR heart-throb Lloyd Daniels is too busy for love – but he’s got a crush on fellow contestant Lucie Jones.
The teen hunk – dubbed a “little David Beckham” by Louis Walsh – split with girlfriend Molly shortly before things started to hot up on X Factor to avoid distractions.
But he has a huge soft-spot for fellow Welsh contestant Lucie, his best friend on the show together with Essex single-mum Stacey Solomon, according to his proud mum.
And he’s smitten with glamorous judge Cheryl Cole, too.
Lisa Daniels, 41, told the News of the World: “When he first met Lucie in the early stages of the competition, he said to me ‘mum, I’ve just met the most beautiful girl from Cardiff’.
“He said said she was absolutely stunning and lovely as well. He really liked her. Lucie and Stacey are his best friends on the show. Whenever I ring him he is with them.
“I think one of the reasons Lloyd gravitates towards Stacey is because her son Zac is close in age to his little brother Tylor who is 18-months-old.”
She added: “Lloyd thinks Cheryl is absolutely beautiful and has an incredible figure.
“For a boy of 16 she is pretty much the perfect woman. A couple of weeks ago Lloyd knocked on her dressing room door.
“He was going to ask her something, but he can’t even remember what it was now because he was so excited about what happened.
“He rang me straight after and said ‘I’ve just spent 40 minutes in Cheryl’s dressing room drinking tea with her and Louis’.
“He was so excited. I asked if they talked about his songs and routines, but he said they just talked about real life.”
Lloyd has become an overnight sensation on the ITV1 talent contest, wowing fans and judges alike with his innocent personality and choir boy good looks.
Last week Louis hailed the blonde teen as a boy-band star in the making, saying: “I think he’s fantastic. He’s like a little David Beckham.”

I can only assume that this story will be the main story on the front page, with its shocking revelation: 16-year old boy fancies Cheryl Cole.  It’s simply incredible!  Sarcasm aside, the main thing that I got from the story is that I would love to be a fly-on-the-wall of Cheryl and Louis’s tea-drinking sessions, and listen to them talking about ‘real life’.  It’s got all the makings of a hit TV show.

And that’s it for now.  Will John and Edward survive again and will anybody bother voting for Danyl? We’ll just have to wait and see.

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The X Factor Finals: Week 3

October 26, 2009 26 Comments

Well, it was big band week, this week, and it usually separates the metaphorical men from the metaphorical boys.  Could John and Edward stay in the competition for another week, purely by being crap?  Well keep reading and you’ll find out.

Saturday

Running Time (including the Xtra Factor): 180 minutes
Time I watched it in: 75 minutes

X Factor Ratio: 41.7%

I started watching Saturday’s episodes at half-past eleven, which isn’t desperately late but is a bit too late to be arsed writing this. I can only apologise if none of this makes sense.

Olly – Was it just me or was he dressed like a five year old at a wedding?  He gave a competent performance, but still had a look of terror in his eyes.  I was impressively underwhelmed.  Thank god for the return of ‘Lil Louis, who managed to use the clichés ’you’re the dark horse’ and ‘you’re the boy next door’ in his first set of comments.

Why did no one tell Cheryl that her head band had slipped?  It was at  the same jaunty angle as Captain Mainwaring’s glasses when he falls over.

Lloyd – He seemingly managed to sing the entire song in one breath as well as developing an American accent.  He did a back flip during the performance and Simon gave him a look that would have been more appropriate if he’d just seen him having sex with a horse.  It was a pretty good performance after something of a shaky start.

Dannii’s dress looked like what the most glamourous woman in a post apocalyptic society would wear (sparkly tatty sack).

Miss Frank – This performance lurched dangerously between good and awful.  My first reaction was that it was going to crash land in camp awful, but I think this would have been harsh.  It was their best performance to date.

I’ve missed Louis’ unique clapping technique.

Rachel – It’s only during Rachel’s VT that I realised that Mike Bubble was doing a master class.  I was doing well with my fast forwarding.  Rachel was excellent this week, and, with a strong up-tempo song (Proud Mary), she proved that she has a great voice.  If she’s in the bottom two this week then it will be a joke.

I’ve just realised that I don’t really mention what songs the acts have been singing.  Is that weird?  It seems a bit weird.  I think it’s an indicator though how much the music actually matters to my enjoyment of the show (not very much).

Jamie – Did he really only have 24 hours to learn the song, or did they just say that to add a bit of drama?  Either way, Angel of Harlem by U2 was a strange choice for big band week.  I didn’t really like it, and he kind of bores me.  And it bores me even more that I’ve said he slightly bores me again.  The performance came across as a bit karaoke, but Simon looked at the point of orgasm at the end of the song.  Louis thought that since U2 were clearly not ‘big band’ then Simon was effectively cheating and that the performance was karaoke anyway.  I seem to have the exact same views as Mr Walsh, which is more than a little disturbing.

Stacey – She’s got an old fashioned, soothing  type voice that I shouldn’t really like and yet I love listening to her.  For that reason, I’ve not really got anything sarcastic to say about her.  I won’t even bring up the 70s sitcom stuff.  I think the judges’ comments were a bit harsh.

Danyl – Something of an enigma; he’s a great singer but no one seems to like him.  The big problem with Danyl is that his performances are so professional that you get no buzz when he gives a good performance and so it’s tempting to not rate him as highly as you should.  Previous winners, Leona and Alexandra, ended up being excellent, but you at least felt that they went on a journey.  Danyl has seemed like an established recording artist from his first audition.  For that reason, I feel that his presence could almost spoil the series.

Joe – I don’t think there is really much point in me commenting too much as he’s really not my cup of tea, but the judges love him.  He’s the only performer, so far, that I fast forwarded through much of the song. He seems like a nice enough lad so I don’t want to be nasty.  That said, he’s surely not  pop star in a million years (I’ve now sealed his fate as a mega star).

Lucie – It’s a bit harsh to zoom in on her face on the 500 inch screen when she’s got noticeable zits.  She sang this exceptionally well, but it left no impression on me whatsoever.

Does each judge have to give a half hearted standing ovation for each of their acts?

John and Edward – The Twerps had a lot to live up to after last week and they spectacularly failed to deliver.  I think it’s safe to say that the joke is now officially over.  The girl in the middle of the Jedward sandwich was pretty tasty though.

Over on The Xtra Factor,  Holly seemed to be dressed as Princess Leia.  Being Holly though, you shouldn’t read this as a criticism.

Predictions -

It’s proving to be really tough to make predictions this year since, Jedward apart, none of the acts are really rubbish and none of them are really standing out.  I’ll give it a go anyway.

Should be in bottom 2: John and Edward + Joe

Will be in bottom 2: Olly + Jamie

Sunday

Running Time: 120 minutes
Time I watched it in: 43 minutes

X Factor Ratio: 35.8%

The show started, as always, with the dreaded group song.  This week it was like a really bad amateur dramatics society musical and there was so much overacting going on that it was actually physically draining.

Thankfully Westlife made an appearance after that, so there was a good five minutes I could fast forward straight through.  Ditto Mike Bubble.

Shockingly,  Danyl and Miss Frank were in the bottom two.  Ok, it was a shock that Danyl was in the bottom two and the mildest of mild surprises that Miss Frank were.  The big question was whether or not either of the female judges have the guts to tactically get rid of Danyl.

Miss Frank – ‘Love Don’t Live Here Anymore’ – It wasn’t a bad performance actually and it must have be tough for them to concentrate knowing who they were up against.  Towards the end of the song I changed my mind and thought that maybe it was terrible.  I just don’t seem to be able to make my mind up about them.

Danyl – ‘With a Little Help From My Friends’ (Joe Cocker version) – He must have been absolutely gutted, but he was excellent as always.

Cheryl was the last judge to vote and craftily took it to deadlock.  This meant that there was a chance that she could get rid of one of her main rivals without looking like the bad guy.  Miss Frank still went home though; nice try Chezza.

Over on The Xtra Factor and Holly looked amazing.  I’m probably going to stop mentioning that though as I’m starting to sound a tad obsessive.  In the interview with the judges, Simon was rightly bewildered by the voting.   The other noticeable thing with the judges was, and I’ll put this as politely as I can, Louis looked fucked.

Towards the end of the show, Yvie and Brian revealed that had to go to an emergency meeting because nobody knew what was going on with the voting.  Bring on next week!

In Conclusion

Well, my faith in the great British public was restored when Rachel was safe, but I immediately became suspicious again as Danyl, incredibly, ended up in the bottom two.  With the demise of Miss Frank, poor Louis is left with just The Twerps.  Logically, I would have said that this left him no chance of winning, but strange things seem to be happening.  Will sanity be restored next week?

Total Duration: 300 minutes

Total time I spent watching it: 118 minutes

Overall X Factor Ratio: 39.3%

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