Airports

August 12, 2010 Leave a comment

Airports are weird, aren’t they?  I know that sounds like the start of a bad observational comedy routine, but it’s true.

I’m at the magnificent John Lennon Airport for the first leg of my journey to Norway and I thought that I’d fill you in on what’s happened so far.

After a suspiciously easy check-in (nobody in the queue), I went through the hand luggage scanning, which is extremely rigourous these days, what with the transparent plastic bags and the no liquids over 100ml and the shoes.  Not that I’m complaining.  A vigourous search of your belongings is certainly preferable to the alternative.

Something strange did happen when I got searched, though.  After my stuff had been through the scanner, the lady said that she had to scan my phone (she didn’t specify what it was going to be scanned for).  This entailed her getting a wand with a cloth on the end and wiping the phone all over.  She then put it in a machine and pulled a lever and a ticket printed out.  She looked at the ticket and called over a colleague.   All was clearly not well.

Her colleague got a fresh cloth for the wand and wiped it over the woman’s hands and then popped the phone back in the machine and pulled the lever.  No ticket came out this time.  He then wrote my name and flight details and the word “iPhone” onto a scrap of paper.  I was starting to worry.   Was I going to be questioned for some heinous crime and miss my flight?  Or worse, was I going to have to leave my precious iPhone behind?

No.  He just gave it me back.   I asked if there was anything wrong.  He said “not anymore” before walking off.  I wasn’t overly reassured.  What were they scanning for on the clearly bogus piece of machinery? Why had he written my name down?  Would there be consequences?

In an attempt to calm my nerves, I went to get a coffee.  Caffeine is a well known relaxant, right?  Anyway, I ordered a coffee that should have cost £2.99.  The girl charged my £2.39.  There was nothing on the menu that costs £2.39.  It was a lovely brew, though, so I’m just putting the pricing  down to the weirdness of airports.

As I enjoyed my drink, I decided to send a few tweets.  Afterwards I realised that I couldn’t lock my phone.  It seemed as though its examination had cocked up the button.  I tried restarting the phone but it then got into a loop for about 5 minutes.  I was panicking by this stage.  What had they done to my beloved iPhone?

I just buggered about with the button for a bit and it seems to be fine at the moment.  Fingers crossed.

My only other bit of airport news so far is that one of the Ryan Air flight attendants looked like a ladyboy, but I’m not here to pass judgment.   By the way, I am actually writing this as I’m sat in the airport.  All that stuff has only just happened to me.  The netbook is paying dividends already.   Not literally, but it is very handy.

Right, I should go and mooch around WH Smiths.  It’s my duty as a traveller.

Bon Voyage (to myself).

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Post Recycling – May 2009

May 29, 2010 Leave a comment

After 3 months of nothing, I finally I have some posts to write about in a horribly self indulgent manner.  Yes, welcome to Post Recycling, where I take a look at the blog posts that I published a year ago and try and get you to read them.  To be fair, it’s not entirely about me pimping my old posts.  It’s quite an interesting experience to go back and see how your life and writing has changed in the previous 12 months.  Well, that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it.

May 2009 saw my blogging drought come to an end, and also saw PSGOM transfer from Blogger to here on WordPress.  I explain this move (not very well) in the post Welcome to WordPress.  It’s not very exciting, but it has such historical significance that it’s worth reading just so you can tell your grandkids that you did.

I guess I was still working out what I should be writing about on PSGOM, at this stage, which probably explains the post Holy Gravy?.  In it, I describe how when I tried to go to my old blogger address it took me to some kind of wacko bible web-site.  Maybe it was just God sending me a message.  Or maybe not.

May 2009 also saw me start to write about football, a practice that I’ve now stopped.  What a difference a year makes.  The post A Prayer saw me asking my old friend God for some help in Liverpool winning the league.  Sadly, the very next post, Gravy 1 God 0, saw God disprove his existence as Manchester United won and all but ended Liverpool’s chances.  Ah, how I wish I could return to those days of narrowly missing out, rather than the complete and abject failure of the Reds this season.  At some point, I should really write a post about their demise, but it’s going to take an almighty effort.  Anyway, I discuss the end of last season’s title race in the post It is Now, in which I urge Manchester United fans not to gloat for the sake of their own existential well-being.

Looking through your old posts is a good way of bringing back some happy memories.  Firstly, there was Blumen’ Marvellous which describes Team Extreme’s Goot’s proposed starter for his Heston Blumenthal-style (Blumenstyle) feast.  Sadly, Goot never got around to scheduling the dinner party and we’re all still sat around exceedingly hungry for his pony-tail based delights.  Secondly, there was my Wall of Wonder, which documents all of the pictures that I had stuck on the wall next to my desk in work.  Sadly, I’ve since moved desks and it’s all come down, but I’ll always have this post to remind me of the glory days.

The final post of the month was Previewing My Reviews.  In retrospect, it’s an interesting post as it’s basically me apologising for being crap at writing reviews because I was so nervous about writing any that I felt I had to pre-empt the criticism I was sure to get for their crapness.  I wouldn’t necessarily say that I’ve gotten any better at writing reviews, but I’ve published loads of them now, so at least I no longer feel funny about doing it.  There’s definitely a lesson to be learned for any fledgling bloggers: just write it.

You can read the rest of my posts from May 2009, here.

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Just to Say Hello

April 29, 2010 Leave a comment

So. Another day goes by without me having chance to blog properly. In theory I could get my laptop out and write something now. There’s just two problems with this: football is on, and I can’t be arsed.

I thought I’d say hello, though, so I’m writing this on my phone. Just think of this as a long text message. That’s on the Internet. It’s actually nothing like a text message, so forget that I mentioned it.

In many ways, there’s no good reason for me to write this post. I just like to let you guys know that I’m still around.

Boo.

I’m still around.

Erm. I’m struggling a bit now. I’m watching Liverpool as I write this. They’ve made a good start but I just have a bad feeling about the result. I hope I’m proved wrong. We’ll see what happens in 80 minutes time.

The only other thing that I can think to tell you is that I have a cat sniffing my hair. It’s cuter than it sounds. She’s not a pervert or anything.

Anyway, I’m getting a bit sleepy, so I’m off. I’ll speak to you properly very soon.

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Duvet Covers and Post Apocalyptic Football Stadia

February 28, 2010 2 Comments

Question of the Day:  How is it possible that an intelligent man, highly educated in the physical sciences, is completely incapable of hanging a duvet cover over a washing line?  No, it doesn’t make sense to me either.  I’m staring out of the patio windows and weeping at my own ineptitude.  Does anybody know of any washing line based courses that I can go on?

Anyway, I’ve gone a whole two days without posting and it feels like a lifetime.  Of course, it doesn’t actually feel like a lifetime, but a nice bit of hyperbole jazzes up any situation.  Two days is definitely long enough for me to feel the pull of ‘can’t be arsedness’, so it was important for me to post today.

Under normal circumstances, I would have done some kind of post about Liverpool’s match on Thursday.  However, I’ve decided to end the madness of writing about football matches that I’ve not even seen.  It can’t be healthy.  All I will say is that I’ve gotten over being in the Europa League, but having a match kick-off at 6pm and shown on ESPN is positively uncouth.

One football match that I did watch was yesterday’s League One game between Oldham and Norwich (I was in the Norwich end).   In the absence of a match report, I will share with you the following things that I learnt:

  • Oldham is infeasibly cold.  It must be dragging the average temperature of the country down by at least 5 degrees.
  • Oldham’s Boundary Park looks like a nuclear wasteland and should be hired out to Hollywood producers as the set for any upcoming post-apocalyptic thrillers.
  • League One football is so heartbreakingly real that it is the sporting equivalent of a kitchen-sink drama.

Anyway, Liverpool are playing this afternoon and it’s not on the telly.  This leaves me wondering if I should try and get an internet stream or if I should do something productive instead.  Answers on a postcard please.

UPDATE:

Before I had chance to publish this post, I was visited by my Gran, my brother and my nephew.  They are a trio that are easily capable of filling anyone’s afternoon.  Luckily, Liverpool won anyway.

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Manchester City 0 Liverpool 0

February 21, 2010 1 Comment

Surprisingly, this wasn’t one of the two televised matches this afternoon.  Even more surprisingly, I was able to get a decent internet stream to watch it on.

Well, I say that I watched it.  I forgot that the match was on, and by the time I found a decent stream about 30 minutes had gone.  Then my parents came round for a visit so I was only half watching until about 75 minutes in.  Then the stream went squiffy and it took me about 10 minutes to get another one.  But, I definitely got to watch the last five minutes and stoppage time.

I didn’t miss much.

From what I saw, both teams were pretty awful.  The ‘race’ for fourth place looks set to be an exceedingly tedious one.

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Liverpool 1 Unirea Urziceni 0

February 19, 2010 Leave a comment

It’s Thursday. It’s Channel 5. It’s the Europa League. It’s…not where Liverpool want to be.

Oh well, you just have to get on with it, don’t you?

This wasn’t exactly the most inspiring of fixtures, against half-fit Romanian opposition, but at least there was an opportunity to put in a good display and get a comfortable victory. Well, that was the theory.

The reality was somewhat different. God, it was so boring. Liverpool had almost constant possession, yet rarely threatened. It was practically a training exercise. Humiliation was avoided when Ngog scored a tap-in, in the 81st minute. Phew.

I’m glad that I didn’t pay to watch it, but I suppose that a win’s a win.

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Arsenal 1 Liverpool 0

February 11, 2010 Leave a comment

On the whole, I’m not a superstitious person, but there’s one spurious belief that I have:  don’t tempt fate.  One specific sub-set of this rule is that you shouldn’t record Match of the Day before your team play, just in case they don’t win.

This is an unnecessarily obtuse way of saying that I missed the match last night and I’ve not seen any of it.  Under the circumstances, this is a good thing.  On the back of two bad losses, to Man United and Chelsea, it’s not entirely surprising that Arsenal pulled out the win.  I can’t comment any further than that really.

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Liverpool 1 Everton 0

February 6, 2010 2 Comments

There’s always an extra edge when you play in a derby match, but the crucial thing today was for Liverpool to try and pick up all three points.  Yes, I know it’s a cliché, but it also happens to be true.

Like all true derbies, there wasn’t a great deal of football played, but the Reds were certainly up for the fight.  They were almost up for it too much when Kyrgiakos was sent off for a two-footed challenge after 34 minutes.  There was no doubt that he deserved to receive the red card, but Pienaar should have probably been sent off a few minutes earlier for a reckless tackle on Mascherano.  Liverpool managed to get to half-time without conceding and so were able to re-group.

The second half wasn’t as much of a challenge as you might have expected – Everton were toothless in attack.  The Reds were able to take the lead on 55 minutes with a Dirk Kuyt header, from a set piece.  This was quite staggering as Liverpool are woeful at set pieces.  The fact that Kuyt was a yard from the line, in the middle of the goal, was surrounded by Howard and Neville, and didn’t jump, all just made the goal more unlikely.

From that point on, the result looked fairly comfortable – far more comfortable than Everton should have made it.  Pienaar was eventually sent off, for a second booking, in injury time, and that was about it.

As I said at the start of the post, the three points were crucial, especially as Liverpool play Arsenal and Man City away in the next week.  Fingers crossed for those matches, I suspect that they’re going to be a lot tougher than today.

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Liverpool 2 Bolton 0

January 30, 2010 Leave a comment

Do you remember the days when I’d spend Saturday afternoons frustratedly trying to get the match on an unreliable internet stream? They seem like such a distant memory.

This match report comes ‘live’ from me watching the potted highlights on Match of the Day. Which I’ve sky-plussed.

You can’t really tell how the game played out from such brief summaries, but it didn’t seem a vintage Reds performance. Dirk Kuyt gave Liverpool the lead in the first half as he bundled the ball in the back of the net. It wasn’t pretty but they all count.

The performance seemed to pick up in the second half, despite Ngog missing an open goal. The game was sealed on 70 minutes, when an Insua shot took a wicked deflection off Kevin Davies.

Liverpool’s league form hasn’t actually been that bad in the last 6 games, despite some lacklustre performances. Let’s hope that the quality of play now starts to improve.

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Wolves 0 Liverpool 0

January 27, 2010 Leave a comment

Another disappointing result for Liverpool: a toothless goalless draw.

Luckily, it wasn’t on telly and I didn’t think to get an internet stream, so there’s two hours of my life that I didn’t waste.

My football blogging has been rather half-hearted lately, truly reflecting Liverpool’s indifferent season. Let’s hope that they have an upturn in their fortunes soon, if only to make me more enthusiastic in my writing.

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