The X Factor Finals: Week 2

October 19, 2009 10 Comments

Well, another weekend has passed and another X Factor contestant has been booted off the show.  It’s also another chance for me to write far too much about it all.   Here’s what happened:

Saturday

Running Time (including the Xtra Factor): 180 minutes
Time I watched it in: 77 minutes

X Factor Ratio: 42.8%

Before I started watching, my mate sent me a text saying: ‘ Jon and Edward! Amazing!’  That certainly built up some anticipation; were John and Edward actually capable of being amazing?  This text was followed by a more detailed description: ‘Red leather/pvc suits – hotel porter trollies – and oops i did it again by Britney! TV has found a new level!’  I decided to prepare myself for a ground breaking piece of television.

Louis was not in attendance, for sad reasons, so it was interesting to see how that might affect the final outcome.

Lucie – I don’t know whether I liked it or not; she’s a pretty good singer but it seemed slightly half-hearted.  There is something about her though, and, as Simon likes to say, she has potential.

Olly – The Whitney Houston bits seem mental so far.  Apparently, Olly was singing a Tina Turner song, but I’d never heard it before and had no idea what it was.  He was pretty good and performed well, but there is still terror in his eyes.  Cheryl said that it was his ‘best performance so far’, since it’s only week two that doesn’t mean very much.

Two acts down and I’m already missing Louis’ funny faces.

Miss Frank – There were some ropey bits during this and they still don’t seem to be a performing as a group.  Actually, there were lots of ropey bits, and I think that they could be in trouble this week, even before I’ve even seen the other 8 acts.  Simon said it was terrible and had a go at Cheryl; he reckons they might be in trouble too.  He’s just copying me.

Cheryl looked pretty nice tonight, although that probably won’t come as a revelation to anyone.  And when I saw she looked ‘pretty nice’, I clearly mean that she looked amazing.

Rachel – She began her performance lying on her back on the stage; I’m no expert, but surely that would make it harder to sing.  Still developed a nice range of facial over-acting during the song, so that was quite funny.  She has a good voice but I wasn’t at all convinced by her and there were a few rough bits.  It seems a hallmark of this series that many of the contestants have decent voices but not enough of them have any ooomph, so far.

Joe – I thought that Joe should have been in the bottom two last week, but I tried to have an open mind going in to this performance.  I suppose he’s not got a bad voice, but I think it would work better if he was a drag act.  Again, the judges loved him; I think I’ll just have to accept that he’s not my cup of tea.

Danyl – Like Rachel, he employed a great range of facial overacting to ‘enhance’ his performance.  I don’t think the song did him any favours, but he’s a cracking singer.  The main problem I have with him is that he’s looking so strong that if he goes on to win the competition, it will just be really boring.

Lloyd – Whitney’s words of advice for Lloyd were the ramblings of a mad cat lady - I’ve no idea what it she was on about so I can’t even try to analyse it.  I enjoyed this performance, and he made the song his own, except for the chorus which was ridiculous in its ineptitude.  And wouldn’t you know it, both Dannii and Simon agree with me.  If only I could convince them about Joe.  Simon had yet another go at Cheryl; what a nasty man.  Cheryl started crying and Lloyd hugged her. Lucky Lloyd.  Anyway, I thought Simon was overly critical of Lloyd and I think he did more enough with the verses to stay in comfortably.

John and Edward – They had a lot to live up to, based on the texts I received earlier in the night, and the performance was suitably mental.  Absolutely mental.  And then, just when you thought they couldn’t get any more mental, they did the talking bit.  If you’ve not seen it, you should go and find it, and prepare to watch through your fingers.  And, they really did sing ‘Oops I Did it Again’ by Britney Spears, dressed in red PVC, being spun around on porters’ trollies.   They’ve clearly given them absolutely ridiculous dancing and outfits and gimmicks because they’re such appalling singers.  In a strange way, that just makes me want them to stay in, so I can see what they are made to do next.  Simon said it’s the worst performance he’s ever seen; in a way, that’s quite a compliment.

Rikki – He could quite easily join Joe’s drag act.  Again, he’s not a bad singer, but it wasn’t great.  I could see him struggling unless the alleged Scottish block-vote saves him.

Jamie – I wasn’t convinced by him last week, but he was excellent this week.  Somehow, though, he bores me slightly.

Stacey – She has an amazing mutant-like ability to look different every time you see her.  They decided to put her in a frock this week, but it still wasn’t very flattering; at least they disguised the fringe.  I do like her voice and find her performances more compelling that they somehow should be.  She seems a bit under the radar at the moment and I have a sneaky suspicion that she could be a dark horse.  Unrelated to her singing ability, I am becoming increasingly convinced that she is actually 1970s sitcom character who has travelled to the real world.

Over on The Xtra Factor, they had a new feature, Dermot’s Debrief, which felt like an attempt to get Mr O’Leary more involved.  I realise that I haven’t mentioned him since my thoughts on the first show, on the 23rd August.  Despite him presenting the more profile programme, I can’t help but feel that Holly is the main presenter; as I’ve said before, hosting the ITV1 show is actually a rubbish job.

Predictions -

Last week, I did say that Kandy Rain would be in the bottom two, but other than that I was completely wrong.  I think it’s even tougher to pick this week, and there’s a few that could/should be in trouble.  I’d love to see John and Edward stick around, but they are actually rubbish.

Should be in bottom 2: John and Edward + Miss Frank

Will be in bottom 2: Miss Frank + Rachel

Sunday

Running Time: 135 minutes
Time I watched it in: 47 minutes

X Factor Ratio: 34.8%

After last week’s cringe-fest, I was dreading the opening group song, but, while it was still pretty embarrassing,  it wasn’t quite as bad as last week.  Not quite.  Stacey looks completely different again, but, to be fair, they’d dolled her up well this time.  I did have to wonder whether or not, ‘Queen of the Night’ was the best song choice they could come up with;  it hardly seemed appropriate.

There was a lot of talk, beforehand, about whether or not Cheryl would mime etc etc.  I’ll have  to be honest, I fast forwarded through it all, so I can’t actually comment.  Needless to say, I definitely fast forwarded through Whitney.

After the usual, painfully drawn-out reveal, we got down to the the final two:  Rachel & Rikki.  Rachel was certainly no  surprise and, with Rikki there, it looks like the Scottish voting thing is a myth.  Because there was no Louis present, it effectively meant that the final decision, on who went home, would be Simon’s.

Rachel sang With or Without You by U2.  I hate to repeat myself, but I will; she has a good voice but I still wasn’t convinced by the performance.

Rikki sang a rubbish Westlife song.  I thought the same about him as  I did about Rachel.

I wasn’t sure who Simon will go for, but he went for Rikki.  Fair play to him that he didn’t just pick Rachel because she’s been in the bottom two both weeks.  Cheryl says that she can’t believe that John and Edward are still in: technically, she’s 100% right.  They may be funny but they shouldn’t really still be in.

In conclusion

Miss Frank and John & Edward dodged a bullet this week and Rachel is going to have to be spectacular next week, in order to stay in.  Rikki was never going to win the competition, so I’m glad that I get to see at least one more J&E mentalist classic performance.

Total Duration: 315 minutes

Total time I spent watching it: 124 minutes

Overall X Factor Ratio: 39.4%

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The X Factor Finals: Week 1

October 12, 2009 11 Comments

This week saw the first of the live shows on The X Factor, here is how it went down.

Saturday

Running time (including xtra factor): 180 minutes.
Time I watched it in: 90 minutes.

X Factor Ratio: 50%

I was disappointed that they’ve decided to drag it out over two nights, but I think that I’ll just about live.  Plus, it gives me extra time to blog about it all.  I hope you’re all impressed by my invention of the ‘x factor ratio’, the percentage of the original running time that it took me to wacth it all.  By inputting all of these values in to my super-computer, I hope to be able to plot a 4 dimensional graph that represents my relative enjoyment of each episode. Or something.

Here are my thoughts from when I was watching the show:

Rachel – Sang an awful arrangement of ‘Let Me Entertain You’ and it was a bit of a lacklustre performance, but she’s clearly got a cracking voice.  I’m prepared to cut her a bit of slack for being the first contestant out.  The song choice really didn’t do her justice.

Louis looks like he’s had a makeover that hasn’t worked properly. Weird.

Kandy Rain – It wasn’t great, but it wasn’t a complete car crash.  It was therefore a million times better than what I was expecting.  Dannii & Cheryl were right in the whole ‘let’s get away from being  strippers by dressing as strippers’ debate.  They clearly weren’t saying that they shouldn’t dress like that, just that you shouldn’t complain about people not taking you seriously and then dress so provocatively.  Anyway, I like Cheryl when she gets angry, and she gives Simon what for.

Olly – I didn’t really like the song (a Robbie Williams one, was it She’s The One?), so I don’t know whether that put me off slightly, or whether it was just his performance in general.  He’s got a good voice though.

Rikki – Louis pulled a funny face at the start of this.  As for Rikki, he’s quite a little oddball, but he’s another with a good voice.  Louis pulled another funny face towards the end; he’s funny.  There’s been nobody really crap so far, but no one has blown me away either.

Stacey – She’s such a gonk, I love it (although, there is a chance that she could get annoying).  She looked totally different, I wouldn’t have  known it was the same girl.  Her voice sounded a bit old fashioned (maybe a bit country & western), but  I probably enjoyed it most so far.  Her outfit was awful and really unflattering.

Miss Frank – Louis pulled a little sad face for some reason.  The singing actually sounded pretty good but they didn’t look like they were performing together.  Simon didn’t know their names, but at least he was honest about it.

Jamie – He looked a bit silly pretending to be in a band, and I was a bit embarrassed for him.  I hate to agree with Robbie Williams, but the early part of the song was awful.  It got better but I wasn’t really impressed.  Cheryl was right again, when she said that he didn’t look like he believed it when he was singing.  Simon was definitely being biased in his comments.

Lloyd – I thought it was simultaneously pretty good and absolutely awful.  I quite like the tone of his voice, but he seemed to be all over the place.  The ‘dancing’ was also cringe-worthy.  He will  be safe because he’s blonde and 16.

Lucie – She provided the most confident and best vocal up to this point, she was very good.  I thought Simon’s comments towards her were very harsh; perhaps he sees her as a threat.

John and Edward – The Twonk Twins were about as bad as you’d imagine they’d be.  On the plus side, Louis  pulled another funny face.  Cheryl summed it up best when she said, ‘it’s not your fault that you’re in the final 12.’

Joe – Was it just me that thought he looked slightly creepy? He looked like he’s been attacked by the same people who attempted the makeover on Louis.  His voice would be alright if he was in a musical, but I didn’t think he was very good and he looked terrified.  Predictably, the judges loved him.  I still think that I’m right though.

Danyl – After the ridiculous boot camp and judges’ houses auditions, Danyl managed to reign himself in and was awesome, even though he was performing a girls song.  He was head and shoulders better than the rest, so they’re all going to have to go some to beat him.  I can’t believe what Dannii kept saying, with her implications that he was gay.  What was she thinking?

It was a pretty good first show, and I’ll put down some of the lesser performances down to nerves.  There’s clearly not as much dead wood compared to  other years, so the contestants are really going to have to step it up if they’re going to make an impact.  Robbie Williams was perhaps the worst celebrity ‘masterclass’ mentor so far.  I’d probably jump all over that, except he admitted as much himself in an interview beforehand, so fair play to him.   Plus, the contestants all seemed really pleased to see him.

The Xtra Factor really comes in to its own following the live shows; I think that without it, I may not still be watching at all.  The main ITV1 show, apart from the singing, can be a bit stale; sob stories and ‘witty’ soundbites from the judges.  Over on ITV2, you get to delve in to things a little deeper, from extended interviews with the judges, the back stage buzz, and you get to see a totally different side to the contestants.  It’s all ably held together by Holly Willoughby, and you should know my feelings about her by now.

Predictions -

Should be in bottom 2: John and Edward + Joe

Will be in bottom 2:  John and Edward + Kandy Rain

Sunday

Running time: 120 minutes
Time I watched it in: 51 minutes
X Factor ratio 42.5%

Louis wasn’t present, which was understandable following Stephen Gately’s death; Simon awkwardly insisted that the show would go on. And it did.  The first part of the show involved all 12 acts doing a song together.  It was, maybe, the most cringe worthy thing I’ve ever seen (and that’s saying something).  Even now, I can’t believe that it actually happened; it already feels like a repressed abuse memory.  Alexandra  Burke came out next and did her new single; she’s looking pretty good, she sounds great, but the song was a bit lame.

Dannii then made a weird sort of apology for her ‘Danyl is gay’ implication from the previous night. Then,  Simon made some comments to suggest that Dannii was a lovely person and definitely didn’t mean anything by it.  It was all very awkward.

Then we finally got to the results, which I largely fast forwarded through.  The main ‘shock’ being that John and Edward were, hilariously, safe.  Rachel was somewhat unfairly in the bottom two, and probably suffered from going first on Saturday.  I’ve no idea what the song was that she sang in the ‘sing off’, but she surely did enough to stay safe.  She’s got a cracking voice and was much better than the previous night.  She almost started crying at the start of the song and so did well to pull herself together.  Kandy Rain were predictably in the bottom two and it seemed inevitable, at this point, that they would be going home.  Their performance wasn’t bad, but it was a little bit karaoke.  They were worse than on Saturday.

They started the judges’ voting by assuming that Louis would have voted for Kandy rain, so that was fair enough.  Dannii and Cheryl then obviously chose to save Rachel.  It didn’t look good for the girl group.  Simon then, amazingly, voted to save Kandy Rain, which meant that it went to
the overly dramatic dead-lock.  So, Kandy Rain went home.  Ho hum.

Over on The Xtra Factor, they showed ‘candid camera’ style scene from Saturday night in which Cheryl went to Kandy Rain’s dressing room to clear up that she wasn’t attacking them personally. But, why were the cameras there?  It felt like one of those fake backstage bits that you get in wrestling, where they pretend that they don’t know the camera is there.

In Conclusion

The biggest conclusion I can draw from the weekend is that I have written FAR too much about the X Factor and that I seem to take it far more seriously than I would have imagined.  As for the show itself, the right act probably went home as it would have taken a miracle for them to make an impact in the competition.  The other thing is that they shouldn’t have changed the format to have it over two nights.  An hour for the results show was really over egging it.  Thank god for Sky Plus.

Total Duration: 300 minutes!!

Total time I spent watching it: 141 minutes

Overall X Factor Ratio: 47%

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The X Factor: Judges’ Houses

October 7, 2009 9 Comments

Well we’re getting very close to the live shows on The X Factor, this week sees us visit the judges’ houses (which are obviously not their real houses, so I don’t know why they call it that).  Here’s what happened.

Saturday

Saturday’s episode starts with perhaps the biggest shock in X Factor; Louis was in Italy not in Ireland!  I needed a lie down to cope when I found that out.  We then meet who each judge has drafted in to help them.  Louis had Ronan Keating, the Irish Gary Barlow, so it looks like the two of them are finally talking again.  Cheryl had Will young who is so posh and sincere that I could listen to him all night.  Sadly, Simon had Sinitta helping him yet again.  I can only assume that she must have some incriminating photos of him.  Over in Dubai, Dannii has the somewhat more impressive Kylie to help her.

I was a little underwhelmed by the ‘Boys’ category, although they seem pretty solid throughout and with young male singers, their looks play as big a part as their voices.  I was slightly baffled by Daniel Fox, but I wouldn’t be shocked if any of them got through.

The ‘Groups’ category is notoriously rubbish, and this year is no exception.  Ronan and Louis seemed to criticise every single act after they sang, and didn’t have a good thing to say.  You’d have to say that that was quite worrying for Louis’ chances of winning.  I don’t think it actually matters to the outcome of the show which three  acts they pick.  Unsurprisingly, Louis still managed to find time to defend John and Edward.  More surprisingly, and despite slagging all the acts off, they still audaciously claimed that they have a potential  winner.

Simon seems to have the most difficult job in selecting which of the ‘Over 25s’ will go through, the category looks to be very strong.  It’s actually a bit of a joke when you compare this group to what Louis has to work with.  The most disappointing moment of the week was when Danyl sadly didn’t reprise his hilarious cover of ‘Holding Back the Years’.

The ‘Girls’ category is definitely stronger vocally than the boys, and they certainly look better in bikinis (was it not a bit gratuitous that they sent them down a water slide?).  I’m not sure which ones are the best singers, but I definitely fancy Stacey McClean most.

I realise that at this point that I haven’t picked any of the contestants to go through; it just seems too tight to call this year and I’d struggle to single anybody out.  I also realised, as I was watching it, that the episode seemed endless; this was because, unusually, I actually watched most of it.

Have I mentioned this week that The Xtra Factor is the better programme?  I’ve come to the conclusion that I big part of the reason for this is that you actually get to see the personalities of both contestants and judges; you don’t just get sob stories and cheesy soundbites as you do with the ITV1 show.  It also doesn’t hurt that Holly is almost unbearably lovely.

Sunday

I was a bit apprehensive about watching this episode beforehand as it tends to be full of people crying and I find it totally unbearable.  To be fair to them, it’s not surprising that they cry considering the way that they drag out the reveal as to whether they’re going through or not.  It’s bordering on animal cruelty.

The ‘Girls’ were the first group to be revealed, and Lucie Jones was the first contestant through through.  She has that girl next door type appeal, so she could do pretty well.  Sadly, Stacey McClean didn’t get through. Typical.  Next through was Rachel, who I could tell you exactly nothing about.  The last girl through was the other Stacey; I though that this was a good decision as has distinctive voice and a likeable, goofy personality.

The dreaded ‘Groups’ were up next and I couldn’t have cared less, other than the vague hope that John and Edward would get through for comedy value.  First through were Miss Frank, who, if I was being cruel, I might rename as Miss Take.  Next through were Kandy Rain, the girl band consisting of ex-strippers.  They should be popular with the largely female voters then.  Last, but by no means least, came The Twerps, sorry I mean, John and Edward.  This pair of idiots were somehow the most nailed-on finalists in the whole competition.  I won’t pass comment on Louis’ possible motivations for this.  That said, you can always rely on Louis for a mental decision to keep the show interesting.

The slightly lacklustre ‘Boys’ were next and first through was Weirdy Eyebrow Man (Rikki), quickly followed by Lloyd, whose voice I probably like most in this group.  Before the third finalist was revealed, we had a bit of drama with Cheryl having to stop in the middle of her decision over Daniel Fox.  I’d like to think that her dilemma was genuine and not done to build up the tension.  Since I fancy her, I’ll assume that it was genuine.  Last through was the totally unsurprising, Little Geordie Joe.  It seems to be the rule that you put through people who are from vaguely the same geographical area as you.

Finally, we got to the ‘Over 25s’, and early bookies favourite, Danyl goes through.  They’ve been slightly critical of him since boot camp, but I think this was mainly to not make him seem like the dead cert to go through that he was.  Next through was slightly quirky Olly and finally came Jamie.  I was a little bit surprised by Jamie, not because of a lack of talent, but because I thought Simon would put through at least one of the girls.  They still look the strongest category.

And that’s nearly it for this week, apart from The Xtra Factor.  Have I mentioned that The Xtra Factor is…oh, I have.  Well, what  about Holly…oh, I’ve done that one too.  Never mind.  The most interesting thing was that Holly also thought that Simon would put at least one girl through, proving that great minds think alike.

And that really is that.  I’m actually looking forward to next week, as the live finals really separate the men from the boys (so to speak).  See you there (not literally).

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Has It Got The X Factor Back?

September 27, 2009 6 Comments

Despite being an fan of The X Factor in previous years, this time out has left me cold.  I half heartedly watched the first two weeks and then for the next three I didn’t watch at all.  I’m not entirely sure what that is down to; the change to having a live audience at the initial auditions was a terrible decision, which changed the whole feel of the show, but I don’t know if it is down to more than that.  I think I’ve just about reached my limit of being able to watch bad auditions and seeing people being humiliated; this happening in front of a baying crowd has only highlighted the cruelty.  Perhaps, I’ve just fallen out with the show all together.

Last night’s episodes were the first of the boot camp stage and so it felt an appropriate time to give it another go and see if I could salvage my love for cheesy talent shows.  It’s not a good start.  There’s a full ten minutes of padding before anything  actually happens and I’m thankful that I had Sky Plussed it.   This is perhaps a bit of a harsh criticism as it’s always been full of padding.  In my post from last Novemeber, X-Rated, I revealed that I managed to watch the four televised hours of X Factor shows one Saturday night in 90 minutes – and that was with me paying attention.

Eventually, they did get around to some singing, and the first batch of  auditionees that they showed were absolutely awful.  How they got through the first  round is anybody’s guess.  I can only assume that presence of the live audience skewed the judges objectivity.  With the dross out of the way, we did manage to see some better singers, although not recognising many of the contestants meant that I didn’t feel very  invested in whether they went through or not.

It was vaguely amusing to see John and Edward again, but within about 30 seconds the joke fell flat, they’re just a pair of cocks.  It’s one thing to be ‘shit but funny’, but the identical twins were just plain old shit.  Remarkably, they didn’t get booted out right away because Louis liked them.  Unsurprisingly, they were Irish.

At this stage, I was still pretty uninterested and a fair amount of fast  forwarding happened.  Before I know it they announce who is in the top 50.  Like every other year we get to see scenes of  the successful jumping up and down like chimps and the unsuccessful crying like they’ve just been told that their dog is dead.  These bits are equally annoying every year.

Over on ITV2, The Xtra Factor remains the superior show and Holly Willoughby remains exceptionally lovely.  Apart from her obvious loveliness, I think that she is one of the best presenters currently on TV and has made the show her own.  She’s so good that I’m getting increasingly worried that she’ll be promoted to the main show, which would be good for her bank balance but would be the viewers loss; the presenter of the ITV1 programme really has so little to do.

Overall, I definitely enjoyed ‘Boot Camp’ more than any of the earlier shows, so perhaps things are looking up.  There does seem to be some very strong competitors this year, but then it seems that way every year and by the time it gets to the live shows most of them turn crap.  We’ll have to wait and see.  Part two of boot camp is tonight, so I’ll see you there.

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No Time To Blog: Day 5 – What I Watched Last Night

September 20, 2009 2 Comments

After a long day blogging and looking for an internet stream to watch football I decided to spend last night watching some telly.  It may not be a very exciting way to spend your Saturday night, but I happen to like watching TV.

The main thing that I wanted to watch was the first episode of French drama, Spiral, as I’ve been waiting three years for the second series to make an appearance.  I soon decided against it as watching a programme with subtitles would have required too much concentration.  Instead, I watched Friday’s Derren Brown special, How To Control The Nation.  It was an enjoyable hour’s entertainment and built up to the ‘special film’ that would stick you to your chair.  Suffice to say, I didn’t stick to my chair.  I felt a mixture of disappointment and relief; half of me would have loved to have been stuck, but the other half would have been horrified that I’d been ‘controlled’.

After that, I thought I’d give the Coen brother’s Burn After Reading a try, which I had recorded last week.  I managed to get about ten minutes in to it before I had to switch off in boredom.  Looking for a bit of light-hearted popcorn TV to compensate, I watched this week’s episode of A Town Called Eureka.  It was a silly episode (but then, aren’t they all?), where the town got frozen solid and featured some very dodgy special effects.  I do like the new relationship between Jack and Tess, despite the fact that they’ve just completely dropped the years of build up in his relationship with Allison.  Jaime Ray Newman has done a great job of making Tess a likeable character that feels like she has been around since the show started.

I recorded both X Factor shows with little intent of watching them and deleted both after about 3 minutes.  Not even Holly Willoughby can keep me watching The Xtra Factor, so the rot must definitely have set in.

It was a result and a surprise that Liverpool were the first match on Match of the Day.  It was clearly an exciting match, but there was some shocking defending by the Reds and it needs to be sorted out pronto.  Listening on the radio, as I mentioned here, really didn’t do the game justice;  I didn’t even pick up on the good run and cross by Ryan Babel which led to Torres’ second goal.

The last thing I watched was this week’s Chuck.  It actually held together really well as an episode, one of the best so far, but the will-they-won’t-they stuff between Chuck and Sarah is really starting to bug me.  They should really make a decision on what direction they’re heading in with it and stick with it.

All in all, it was a decent effort and I managed to claw back some space on my planner.  Now I just have to get myself psyched up enough to watch Spiral.

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Missing The X Factor

August 23, 2009 1 Comment

So, I went round to my brother’s house last night, just after seven, and as I glanced at the TV I thought, ‘Hmmm, that looks like The X Factor’.  And it was The X Factor.  Why had I not been informed that it was starting again?

If I was being snobby I’d call The X Factor a guilty pleasure, but I’m not, so I won’t.  It’s an out-and-out entertainment show, and should be judged as such; it should not be compared disparagingly with great works of fiction.  That said, as I watched it last night (without the benefit of being able to fast forward using Sky Plus), I was completely underwhelmed.  Sure, there were still moments of great comedy, such as:

JOHN: I’m John!

EDWARD: I’m Edward!

JOHN & EDWARD: Together, we are… John and Edward!

There was also classic cases of exploitation such as the sisters with tiny faces on fat heads, one of whom was auditioning for the third time.  We all know that there is a preliminary round, so why are they letting the poor girl through again? This time with the added bonus of  being humiliated in front of two thousand people.  Luckily, they seemed too thick to notice.

But for all this, I was uninterested.  I did Sky Plus the late night repeat (and The Xtra Factor), and skimmed through them this morning.  I must have watched about 10 minutes of two and a half hours of programming.  Maybe it’s the change to a live audience in the auditions that is spoiling it for me, or maybe the format has run its course.  It’s more than likely though that I’ll be bored for a few weeks, get drawn in a bit and then be gripped when they get to boot camp.  It is usually claimed that the auditions are the best bit, but, actually, I disagree.  I think that people tend to say that because it’s easy to sneer and be ‘ironic’ at the auditions, and therefore it’s ‘cooler’.

The only other thing that I would point out is that The Xtra Factor tends to be a better show than the main ITV1 programme.  This is in large part down to the talents of Holly Willoughby, who apart from being incredibly lovely, is extremely likeable, good at her job and brings a sense of fun to proceedings.  She so clearly overshadows Dermot O’Leary (who I generally quite like), that it’s bordering on embarrassing.

Anyway, I may be around after next weeks show, or I might not! See you then (or not).

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X-Rated

November 30, 2008 1 Comment

As a rule, I’m not a huge fan of reality shows; it takes a superhuman effort for me not to scream when I hear people in work talking about ‘I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here’. Instead, I generally just have a rant about it being the same every year, and pointing out that eating a kangaroo’s ring piece doesn’t technically constitute entertainment. The one show that I’ve always had a soft spot for though, is The X Factor.

Reality TV is more powerful than religion. They try and tempt you with their obviously empty offers of entertainment, which you happily ignore, smug in the knowledge that you aren’t wasting your life like the rest of the herd. Until one day you get curious and tune in, only as an ironic observer of course, happily mocking all of those who have been drawn in by it. And you carry on watching because it’s hilarious; how are so many people possibly falling for this old rubbish? They’re idiots! And on you go, chuckling contentedly to yourself, right up until the final, when you realise you have spent over twenty quid voting for your favourite contestant, knowing it would be a catastrophe if that other annoying twat were to win. Then like the sad junkie that you’ve become, you writhe around your living room in agony, desperate with the sudden loss of your fix, scouring the TV schedules for the methadone that is Celebrity Big Brother. And even though you eventually find something to curb your craving, and are able to move on with your life, you’ll always feel hollow inside, knowing that your old self is smugly grinning at you from somewhere deep within.
But I digress. I genuinely do like the X Factor and it has the following advatages over its competition:
1) The auditions process. It would be too obvious to just say that the audtions are hilarious, even though they often are. What really fascinates me though is the trend, in recent series, for auditionees with such a lack of self-awareness that having them on the show can only feel like bullying. And not from the obvious source of Mr Cowell’s jibes, but from the simple fact that these people are allowed to get through the initial screening process at all. They might as well hang a sign round their necks saying, ‘They’ve only put me through so you can laugh at how stupid I am’.
Now, I’m not saying that cruelty is a good reason for liking something, far from it. It’s just that some of these people seem so unrealistic that days later, I find myself still debating whether or not some of them are actors. I mean, surely some of them must be? Surely? How many TV shows give you so much to think about?
2) Talent. Despite what some snottier commentators may say (including my dad – but he’s not really an expert), there are always at least some of the contestants that are talented (anyone remember Leona Lewis?); and watching a competition based (at least partly) on an ability, is always more entertaining that voting for the least unlikable person in the jungle.
3) Cheryl Cole. Quite simply, I’m in love.
4) Judges that fight. Yes, it’s a big pantomime in which Simon and Louis desperately want to be the dame, but there’s nothing wrong with a good pantomime. You can’t beat a good bit of melodrama and overacting on a Saturday night. Even fake hissy fits and tantrums can liven up any show.
5) The Xtra Factor. Yes, it’s a bonus that it’s hosted by the lovely Holly Willoughby (whose attractiveness is the epitome of being more than the sum of its parts), but it’s getting the backstage opinions of the judges and contestants that counts. It really adds to your feeling of involvement in the show (perhaps to an unhealthy level, admittedly). And Holly is far more than just a pretty face and has the talent to bring a real warmth to the show. You can’t help but feel that she will be poached to host the main show before too long, which would be a shame as the Xtra Factor is the far more interesting gig.
And last but not least,
6) Sob stories. No, I’m only joking, even I don’t like the sob stories.
This year has been particularly competitive, although whether that’s because the line up has been generally strong or uniformly weak, I don’t know. It’s almost impossible to make a objective call on this while the competition is still in progress. That said, I was sad to see Ruth go home last night, as she was nowhere near the weakest of the five remaining competitors (I’m looking at you JLS!). It would be a crime if Alexandra Burke doesn’t go on to win; not only has she got the strongest voice in the contest, but she looks every inch the pop star and is the only contestant who has really given a performance week in week out. But being the most talented makes it almost inevitable that she won’t win; if I had to pick a winner it would be badger foetus, Eoghan Quigg.
Incidentally, I’d like to give a hearty thank you to James Corden over on the Xtra Factor last night, for saying what we were all thinking about Britney’s dismal ‘performance’. Why they bothered with her is something of a mystery, but I’m guessing Simon won’t be asking her back next year.
On a final note, it’s worth noting the influence of Sky Plus on my continued fascination with the show. If you count the Xtra Factor episodes (which of course I do), the show was on for a staggering 3 hours 55 minutes (7:35 till 11:30!). With Sky Plus I was able to watch it all in 1 hour 33 minutes. If I had to watch it live, I think the excessive amount of padding would have driven me mad years ago.
Vote for Alex!

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