X Factor News (of the World)

October 30, 2009 4 Comments

Yesterday, I received an e-mail from Mark at i-level (a marketing company) offering me weekly X Factor updates supplied by the News of the World.  This gave me mixed feelings.  I find it gratifying enough when somebody reads my blog, but this was someone offering to send me exclusive material for me to use.  On the other hand, I felt a bit unsure how I felt about promoting a tabloid newspaper.  After a bit of internal debate, I’m afraid that vanity got the better of me and I thought I’d give it a try; it will be an interesting experiment if nothing else.  It’s possible that you could be questioning my integrity at this stage, but a) it’s stories about X Factor, so integrity doesn’t come in to play, and b) since I’m receiving no form of recompense for using the stories then I can’t exactly be accused of ‘selling out’.

As a Liverpool fan, I am aware that some people are uncomfortable with the NOTW as it is owned by the same parent company as The S*n and is seen as its ‘sister paper’.  It is my understanding of the boycott that it applies purely to the aforementioned ‘newspaper’, which I would have nothing to do with it.  Some of the content that I have been forwarded comes as an embedded video format, which, although it only has NOTW branding, features a link to the NOTW web-site where there is a link to the rag.  For that reason, I have decided not to use that embedded link.  I thought I better state my position clearly before I start.

Anyway, with that serious stuff out of the way, here is a preview of a couple of stories that will appear in this Sunday’s News of the World.  The first contains the X Factor’s chief choreographer Brian Friedman’s thoughts on The Twerps:

X FACTOR dance ace Brian Friedman is begging viewers to stop voting for the Grimes twins – as a win by Jedward would “make a mockery” of the show.
Choreographer Brian has admitted that while Dublin lads John and Edward are great entertainment, they could ruin the credibility of the country’s biggest singing contest because they don’t have any talent.
So bad are their raw vocals that Brian, 32, says listening to the boys sing is like “entering the gates of hell.”
Still the boys, 18, have yet to be left in the bottom two by voters – and are now ranked with a 14/1 shot at winning by bookies.
Meanwhile, Brian has been ordered by Simon Cowell to make sure star singer Danyl Johnson, 27, does not face a repeat of last week – where he was left in the bottom two despite being the head judge’s key talent.
He said Simon’s initial worries about a Grimes victory have been eclipsed by the thought that Danyl – one of Simon’s favourites to ever appear on the show – could be next to leave.
Brian said: “There is no way to figure out exactly what the public are voting for.
“But I really hope the viewers with actual music taste got the wake up call they needed with Danyl and Miss Frank being in the bottom two last week – they have to get voting for people who can sing.
“I absolutely do not think the Grimes twins deserve to win. And I’m not alone in that – but if you want to make a change you’ve got to get on the phone and vote.”

On the surface, this seems quite a non-story – anyone with any sense agrees that the twins are rubbish.  What is interesting, though, is that someone internal to the programme has come out and criticised one of the acts, and this seems quite unusual.  It’s especially strange as it is Brian’s job to prepares the contestants to perform.  Does this mean that we should expect a stripped back, no-gimmicks Jedward performance this week, in order to highlight their flaws?  You may also remember that in my post  for Week 3 that I mentioned that Brian had to go to an emergency meeting following the live results show.  This story has made me even more curious to know what was said in that meeting.

The second story is about little Lloyd:

X FACTOR heart-throb Lloyd Daniels is too busy for love – but he’s got a crush on fellow contestant Lucie Jones.
The teen hunk – dubbed a “little David Beckham” by Louis Walsh – split with girlfriend Molly shortly before things started to hot up on X Factor to avoid distractions.
But he has a huge soft-spot for fellow Welsh contestant Lucie, his best friend on the show together with Essex single-mum Stacey Solomon, according to his proud mum.
And he’s smitten with glamorous judge Cheryl Cole, too.
Lisa Daniels, 41, told the News of the World: “When he first met Lucie in the early stages of the competition, he said to me ‘mum, I’ve just met the most beautiful girl from Cardiff’.
“He said said she was absolutely stunning and lovely as well. He really liked her. Lucie and Stacey are his best friends on the show. Whenever I ring him he is with them.
“I think one of the reasons Lloyd gravitates towards Stacey is because her son Zac is close in age to his little brother Tylor who is 18-months-old.”
She added: “Lloyd thinks Cheryl is absolutely beautiful and has an incredible figure.
“For a boy of 16 she is pretty much the perfect woman. A couple of weeks ago Lloyd knocked on her dressing room door.
“He was going to ask her something, but he can’t even remember what it was now because he was so excited about what happened.
“He rang me straight after and said ‘I’ve just spent 40 minutes in Cheryl’s dressing room drinking tea with her and Louis’.
“He was so excited. I asked if they talked about his songs and routines, but he said they just talked about real life.”
Lloyd has become an overnight sensation on the ITV1 talent contest, wowing fans and judges alike with his innocent personality and choir boy good looks.
Last week Louis hailed the blonde teen as a boy-band star in the making, saying: “I think he’s fantastic. He’s like a little David Beckham.”

I can only assume that this story will be the main story on the front page, with its shocking revelation: 16-year old boy fancies Cheryl Cole.  It’s simply incredible!  Sarcasm aside, the main thing that I got from the story is that I would love to be a fly-on-the-wall of Cheryl and Louis’s tea-drinking sessions, and listen to them talking about ‘real life’.  It’s got all the makings of a hit TV show.

And that’s it for now.  Will John and Edward survive again and will anybody bother voting for Danyl? We’ll just have to wait and see.

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The X Factor Finals: Week 3

October 26, 2009 26 Comments

Well, it was big band week, this week, and it usually separates the metaphorical men from the metaphorical boys.  Could John and Edward stay in the competition for another week, purely by being crap?  Well keep reading and you’ll find out.

Saturday

Running Time (including the Xtra Factor): 180 minutes
Time I watched it in: 75 minutes

X Factor Ratio: 41.7%

I started watching Saturday’s episodes at half-past eleven, which isn’t desperately late but is a bit too late to be arsed writing this. I can only apologise if none of this makes sense.

Olly – Was it just me or was he dressed like a five year old at a wedding?  He gave a competent performance, but still had a look of terror in his eyes.  I was impressively underwhelmed.  Thank god for the return of ‘Lil Louis, who managed to use the clichés ’you’re the dark horse’ and ‘you’re the boy next door’ in his first set of comments.

Why did no one tell Cheryl that her head band had slipped?  It was at  the same jaunty angle as Captain Mainwaring’s glasses when he falls over.

Lloyd – He seemingly managed to sing the entire song in one breath as well as developing an American accent.  He did a back flip during the performance and Simon gave him a look that would have been more appropriate if he’d just seen him having sex with a horse.  It was a pretty good performance after something of a shaky start.

Dannii’s dress looked like what the most glamourous woman in a post apocalyptic society would wear (sparkly tatty sack).

Miss Frank – This performance lurched dangerously between good and awful.  My first reaction was that it was going to crash land in camp awful, but I think this would have been harsh.  It was their best performance to date.

I’ve missed Louis’ unique clapping technique.

Rachel – It’s only during Rachel’s VT that I realised that Mike Bubble was doing a master class.  I was doing well with my fast forwarding.  Rachel was excellent this week, and, with a strong up-tempo song (Proud Mary), she proved that she has a great voice.  If she’s in the bottom two this week then it will be a joke.

I’ve just realised that I don’t really mention what songs the acts have been singing.  Is that weird?  It seems a bit weird.  I think it’s an indicator though how much the music actually matters to my enjoyment of the show (not very much).

Jamie – Did he really only have 24 hours to learn the song, or did they just say that to add a bit of drama?  Either way, Angel of Harlem by U2 was a strange choice for big band week.  I didn’t really like it, and he kind of bores me.  And it bores me even more that I’ve said he slightly bores me again.  The performance came across as a bit karaoke, but Simon looked at the point of orgasm at the end of the song.  Louis thought that since U2 were clearly not ‘big band’ then Simon was effectively cheating and that the performance was karaoke anyway.  I seem to have the exact same views as Mr Walsh, which is more than a little disturbing.

Stacey – She’s got an old fashioned, soothing  type voice that I shouldn’t really like and yet I love listening to her.  For that reason, I’ve not really got anything sarcastic to say about her.  I won’t even bring up the 70s sitcom stuff.  I think the judges’ comments were a bit harsh.

Danyl – Something of an enigma; he’s a great singer but no one seems to like him.  The big problem with Danyl is that his performances are so professional that you get no buzz when he gives a good performance and so it’s tempting to not rate him as highly as you should.  Previous winners, Leona and Alexandra, ended up being excellent, but you at least felt that they went on a journey.  Danyl has seemed like an established recording artist from his first audition.  For that reason, I feel that his presence could almost spoil the series.

Joe – I don’t think there is really much point in me commenting too much as he’s really not my cup of tea, but the judges love him.  He’s the only performer, so far, that I fast forwarded through much of the song. He seems like a nice enough lad so I don’t want to be nasty.  That said, he’s surely not  pop star in a million years (I’ve now sealed his fate as a mega star).

Lucie – It’s a bit harsh to zoom in on her face on the 500 inch screen when she’s got noticeable zits.  She sang this exceptionally well, but it left no impression on me whatsoever.

Does each judge have to give a half hearted standing ovation for each of their acts?

John and Edward – The Twerps had a lot to live up to after last week and they spectacularly failed to deliver.  I think it’s safe to say that the joke is now officially over.  The girl in the middle of the Jedward sandwich was pretty tasty though.

Over on The Xtra Factor,  Holly seemed to be dressed as Princess Leia.  Being Holly though, you shouldn’t read this as a criticism.

Predictions -

It’s proving to be really tough to make predictions this year since, Jedward apart, none of the acts are really rubbish and none of them are really standing out.  I’ll give it a go anyway.

Should be in bottom 2: John and Edward + Joe

Will be in bottom 2: Olly + Jamie

Sunday

Running Time: 120 minutes
Time I watched it in: 43 minutes

X Factor Ratio: 35.8%

The show started, as always, with the dreaded group song.  This week it was like a really bad amateur dramatics society musical and there was so much overacting going on that it was actually physically draining.

Thankfully Westlife made an appearance after that, so there was a good five minutes I could fast forward straight through.  Ditto Mike Bubble.

Shockingly,  Danyl and Miss Frank were in the bottom two.  Ok, it was a shock that Danyl was in the bottom two and the mildest of mild surprises that Miss Frank were.  The big question was whether or not either of the female judges have the guts to tactically get rid of Danyl.

Miss Frank – ‘Love Don’t Live Here Anymore’ – It wasn’t a bad performance actually and it must have be tough for them to concentrate knowing who they were up against.  Towards the end of the song I changed my mind and thought that maybe it was terrible.  I just don’t seem to be able to make my mind up about them.

Danyl – ‘With a Little Help From My Friends’ (Joe Cocker version) – He must have been absolutely gutted, but he was excellent as always.

Cheryl was the last judge to vote and craftily took it to deadlock.  This meant that there was a chance that she could get rid of one of her main rivals without looking like the bad guy.  Miss Frank still went home though; nice try Chezza.

Over on The Xtra Factor and Holly looked amazing.  I’m probably going to stop mentioning that though as I’m starting to sound a tad obsessive.  In the interview with the judges, Simon was rightly bewildered by the voting.   The other noticeable thing with the judges was, and I’ll put this as politely as I can, Louis looked fucked.

Towards the end of the show, Yvie and Brian revealed that had to go to an emergency meeting because nobody knew what was going on with the voting.  Bring on next week!

In Conclusion

Well, my faith in the great British public was restored when Rachel was safe, but I immediately became suspicious again as Danyl, incredibly, ended up in the bottom two.  With the demise of Miss Frank, poor Louis is left with just The Twerps.  Logically, I would have said that this left him no chance of winning, but strange things seem to be happening.  Will sanity be restored next week?

Total Duration: 300 minutes

Total time I spent watching it: 118 minutes

Overall X Factor Ratio: 39.3%

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The X Factor Finals: Week 2

October 19, 2009 10 Comments

Well, another weekend has passed and another X Factor contestant has been booted off the show.  It’s also another chance for me to write far too much about it all.   Here’s what happened:

Saturday

Running Time (including the Xtra Factor): 180 minutes
Time I watched it in: 77 minutes

X Factor Ratio: 42.8%

Before I started watching, my mate sent me a text saying: ‘ Jon and Edward! Amazing!’  That certainly built up some anticipation; were John and Edward actually capable of being amazing?  This text was followed by a more detailed description: ‘Red leather/pvc suits – hotel porter trollies – and oops i did it again by Britney! TV has found a new level!’  I decided to prepare myself for a ground breaking piece of television.

Louis was not in attendance, for sad reasons, so it was interesting to see how that might affect the final outcome.

Lucie – I don’t know whether I liked it or not; she’s a pretty good singer but it seemed slightly half-hearted.  There is something about her though, and, as Simon likes to say, she has potential.

Olly – The Whitney Houston bits seem mental so far.  Apparently, Olly was singing a Tina Turner song, but I’d never heard it before and had no idea what it was.  He was pretty good and performed well, but there is still terror in his eyes.  Cheryl said that it was his ‘best performance so far’, since it’s only week two that doesn’t mean very much.

Two acts down and I’m already missing Louis’ funny faces.

Miss Frank – There were some ropey bits during this and they still don’t seem to be a performing as a group.  Actually, there were lots of ropey bits, and I think that they could be in trouble this week, even before I’ve even seen the other 8 acts.  Simon said it was terrible and had a go at Cheryl; he reckons they might be in trouble too.  He’s just copying me.

Cheryl looked pretty nice tonight, although that probably won’t come as a revelation to anyone.  And when I saw she looked ‘pretty nice’, I clearly mean that she looked amazing.

Rachel – She began her performance lying on her back on the stage; I’m no expert, but surely that would make it harder to sing.  Still developed a nice range of facial over-acting during the song, so that was quite funny.  She has a good voice but I wasn’t at all convinced by her and there were a few rough bits.  It seems a hallmark of this series that many of the contestants have decent voices but not enough of them have any ooomph, so far.

Joe – I thought that Joe should have been in the bottom two last week, but I tried to have an open mind going in to this performance.  I suppose he’s not got a bad voice, but I think it would work better if he was a drag act.  Again, the judges loved him; I think I’ll just have to accept that he’s not my cup of tea.

Danyl – Like Rachel, he employed a great range of facial overacting to ‘enhance’ his performance.  I don’t think the song did him any favours, but he’s a cracking singer.  The main problem I have with him is that he’s looking so strong that if he goes on to win the competition, it will just be really boring.

Lloyd – Whitney’s words of advice for Lloyd were the ramblings of a mad cat lady - I’ve no idea what it she was on about so I can’t even try to analyse it.  I enjoyed this performance, and he made the song his own, except for the chorus which was ridiculous in its ineptitude.  And wouldn’t you know it, both Dannii and Simon agree with me.  If only I could convince them about Joe.  Simon had yet another go at Cheryl; what a nasty man.  Cheryl started crying and Lloyd hugged her. Lucky Lloyd.  Anyway, I thought Simon was overly critical of Lloyd and I think he did more enough with the verses to stay in comfortably.

John and Edward – They had a lot to live up to, based on the texts I received earlier in the night, and the performance was suitably mental.  Absolutely mental.  And then, just when you thought they couldn’t get any more mental, they did the talking bit.  If you’ve not seen it, you should go and find it, and prepare to watch through your fingers.  And, they really did sing ‘Oops I Did it Again’ by Britney Spears, dressed in red PVC, being spun around on porters’ trollies.   They’ve clearly given them absolutely ridiculous dancing and outfits and gimmicks because they’re such appalling singers.  In a strange way, that just makes me want them to stay in, so I can see what they are made to do next.  Simon said it’s the worst performance he’s ever seen; in a way, that’s quite a compliment.

Rikki – He could quite easily join Joe’s drag act.  Again, he’s not a bad singer, but it wasn’t great.  I could see him struggling unless the alleged Scottish block-vote saves him.

Jamie – I wasn’t convinced by him last week, but he was excellent this week.  Somehow, though, he bores me slightly.

Stacey – She has an amazing mutant-like ability to look different every time you see her.  They decided to put her in a frock this week, but it still wasn’t very flattering; at least they disguised the fringe.  I do like her voice and find her performances more compelling that they somehow should be.  She seems a bit under the radar at the moment and I have a sneaky suspicion that she could be a dark horse.  Unrelated to her singing ability, I am becoming increasingly convinced that she is actually 1970s sitcom character who has travelled to the real world.

Over on The Xtra Factor, they had a new feature, Dermot’s Debrief, which felt like an attempt to get Mr O’Leary more involved.  I realise that I haven’t mentioned him since my thoughts on the first show, on the 23rd August.  Despite him presenting the more profile programme, I can’t help but feel that Holly is the main presenter; as I’ve said before, hosting the ITV1 show is actually a rubbish job.

Predictions -

Last week, I did say that Kandy Rain would be in the bottom two, but other than that I was completely wrong.  I think it’s even tougher to pick this week, and there’s a few that could/should be in trouble.  I’d love to see John and Edward stick around, but they are actually rubbish.

Should be in bottom 2: John and Edward + Miss Frank

Will be in bottom 2: Miss Frank + Rachel

Sunday

Running Time: 135 minutes
Time I watched it in: 47 minutes

X Factor Ratio: 34.8%

After last week’s cringe-fest, I was dreading the opening group song, but, while it was still pretty embarrassing,  it wasn’t quite as bad as last week.  Not quite.  Stacey looks completely different again, but, to be fair, they’d dolled her up well this time.  I did have to wonder whether or not, ‘Queen of the Night’ was the best song choice they could come up with;  it hardly seemed appropriate.

There was a lot of talk, beforehand, about whether or not Cheryl would mime etc etc.  I’ll have  to be honest, I fast forwarded through it all, so I can’t actually comment.  Needless to say, I definitely fast forwarded through Whitney.

After the usual, painfully drawn-out reveal, we got down to the the final two:  Rachel & Rikki.  Rachel was certainly no  surprise and, with Rikki there, it looks like the Scottish voting thing is a myth.  Because there was no Louis present, it effectively meant that the final decision, on who went home, would be Simon’s.

Rachel sang With or Without You by U2.  I hate to repeat myself, but I will; she has a good voice but I still wasn’t convinced by the performance.

Rikki sang a rubbish Westlife song.  I thought the same about him as  I did about Rachel.

I wasn’t sure who Simon will go for, but he went for Rikki.  Fair play to him that he didn’t just pick Rachel because she’s been in the bottom two both weeks.  Cheryl says that she can’t believe that John and Edward are still in: technically, she’s 100% right.  They may be funny but they shouldn’t really still be in.

In conclusion

Miss Frank and John & Edward dodged a bullet this week and Rachel is going to have to be spectacular next week, in order to stay in.  Rikki was never going to win the competition, so I’m glad that I get to see at least one more J&E mentalist classic performance.

Total Duration: 315 minutes

Total time I spent watching it: 124 minutes

Overall X Factor Ratio: 39.4%

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The X Factor Finals: Week 1

October 12, 2009 11 Comments

This week saw the first of the live shows on The X Factor, here is how it went down.

Saturday

Running time (including xtra factor): 180 minutes.
Time I watched it in: 90 minutes.

X Factor Ratio: 50%

I was disappointed that they’ve decided to drag it out over two nights, but I think that I’ll just about live.  Plus, it gives me extra time to blog about it all.  I hope you’re all impressed by my invention of the ‘x factor ratio’, the percentage of the original running time that it took me to wacth it all.  By inputting all of these values in to my super-computer, I hope to be able to plot a 4 dimensional graph that represents my relative enjoyment of each episode. Or something.

Here are my thoughts from when I was watching the show:

Rachel – Sang an awful arrangement of ‘Let Me Entertain You’ and it was a bit of a lacklustre performance, but she’s clearly got a cracking voice.  I’m prepared to cut her a bit of slack for being the first contestant out.  The song choice really didn’t do her justice.

Louis looks like he’s had a makeover that hasn’t worked properly. Weird.

Kandy Rain – It wasn’t great, but it wasn’t a complete car crash.  It was therefore a million times better than what I was expecting.  Dannii & Cheryl were right in the whole ‘let’s get away from being  strippers by dressing as strippers’ debate.  They clearly weren’t saying that they shouldn’t dress like that, just that you shouldn’t complain about people not taking you seriously and then dress so provocatively.  Anyway, I like Cheryl when she gets angry, and she gives Simon what for.

Olly – I didn’t really like the song (a Robbie Williams one, was it She’s The One?), so I don’t know whether that put me off slightly, or whether it was just his performance in general.  He’s got a good voice though.

Rikki – Louis pulled a funny face at the start of this.  As for Rikki, he’s quite a little oddball, but he’s another with a good voice.  Louis pulled another funny face towards the end; he’s funny.  There’s been nobody really crap so far, but no one has blown me away either.

Stacey – She’s such a gonk, I love it (although, there is a chance that she could get annoying).  She looked totally different, I wouldn’t have  known it was the same girl.  Her voice sounded a bit old fashioned (maybe a bit country & western), but  I probably enjoyed it most so far.  Her outfit was awful and really unflattering.

Miss Frank – Louis pulled a little sad face for some reason.  The singing actually sounded pretty good but they didn’t look like they were performing together.  Simon didn’t know their names, but at least he was honest about it.

Jamie – He looked a bit silly pretending to be in a band, and I was a bit embarrassed for him.  I hate to agree with Robbie Williams, but the early part of the song was awful.  It got better but I wasn’t really impressed.  Cheryl was right again, when she said that he didn’t look like he believed it when he was singing.  Simon was definitely being biased in his comments.

Lloyd – I thought it was simultaneously pretty good and absolutely awful.  I quite like the tone of his voice, but he seemed to be all over the place.  The ‘dancing’ was also cringe-worthy.  He will  be safe because he’s blonde and 16.

Lucie – She provided the most confident and best vocal up to this point, she was very good.  I thought Simon’s comments towards her were very harsh; perhaps he sees her as a threat.

John and Edward – The Twonk Twins were about as bad as you’d imagine they’d be.  On the plus side, Louis  pulled another funny face.  Cheryl summed it up best when she said, ‘it’s not your fault that you’re in the final 12.’

Joe – Was it just me that thought he looked slightly creepy? He looked like he’s been attacked by the same people who attempted the makeover on Louis.  His voice would be alright if he was in a musical, but I didn’t think he was very good and he looked terrified.  Predictably, the judges loved him.  I still think that I’m right though.

Danyl – After the ridiculous boot camp and judges’ houses auditions, Danyl managed to reign himself in and was awesome, even though he was performing a girls song.  He was head and shoulders better than the rest, so they’re all going to have to go some to beat him.  I can’t believe what Dannii kept saying, with her implications that he was gay.  What was she thinking?

It was a pretty good first show, and I’ll put down some of the lesser performances down to nerves.  There’s clearly not as much dead wood compared to  other years, so the contestants are really going to have to step it up if they’re going to make an impact.  Robbie Williams was perhaps the worst celebrity ‘masterclass’ mentor so far.  I’d probably jump all over that, except he admitted as much himself in an interview beforehand, so fair play to him.   Plus, the contestants all seemed really pleased to see him.

The Xtra Factor really comes in to its own following the live shows; I think that without it, I may not still be watching at all.  The main ITV1 show, apart from the singing, can be a bit stale; sob stories and ‘witty’ soundbites from the judges.  Over on ITV2, you get to delve in to things a little deeper, from extended interviews with the judges, the back stage buzz, and you get to see a totally different side to the contestants.  It’s all ably held together by Holly Willoughby, and you should know my feelings about her by now.

Predictions -

Should be in bottom 2: John and Edward + Joe

Will be in bottom 2:  John and Edward + Kandy Rain

Sunday

Running time: 120 minutes
Time I watched it in: 51 minutes
X Factor ratio 42.5%

Louis wasn’t present, which was understandable following Stephen Gately’s death; Simon awkwardly insisted that the show would go on. And it did.  The first part of the show involved all 12 acts doing a song together.  It was, maybe, the most cringe worthy thing I’ve ever seen (and that’s saying something).  Even now, I can’t believe that it actually happened; it already feels like a repressed abuse memory.  Alexandra  Burke came out next and did her new single; she’s looking pretty good, she sounds great, but the song was a bit lame.

Dannii then made a weird sort of apology for her ‘Danyl is gay’ implication from the previous night. Then,  Simon made some comments to suggest that Dannii was a lovely person and definitely didn’t mean anything by it.  It was all very awkward.

Then we finally got to the results, which I largely fast forwarded through.  The main ‘shock’ being that John and Edward were, hilariously, safe.  Rachel was somewhat unfairly in the bottom two, and probably suffered from going first on Saturday.  I’ve no idea what the song was that she sang in the ‘sing off’, but she surely did enough to stay safe.  She’s got a cracking voice and was much better than the previous night.  She almost started crying at the start of the song and so did well to pull herself together.  Kandy Rain were predictably in the bottom two and it seemed inevitable, at this point, that they would be going home.  Their performance wasn’t bad, but it was a little bit karaoke.  They were worse than on Saturday.

They started the judges’ voting by assuming that Louis would have voted for Kandy rain, so that was fair enough.  Dannii and Cheryl then obviously chose to save Rachel.  It didn’t look good for the girl group.  Simon then, amazingly, voted to save Kandy Rain, which meant that it went to
the overly dramatic dead-lock.  So, Kandy Rain went home.  Ho hum.

Over on The Xtra Factor, they showed ‘candid camera’ style scene from Saturday night in which Cheryl went to Kandy Rain’s dressing room to clear up that she wasn’t attacking them personally. But, why were the cameras there?  It felt like one of those fake backstage bits that you get in wrestling, where they pretend that they don’t know the camera is there.

In Conclusion

The biggest conclusion I can draw from the weekend is that I have written FAR too much about the X Factor and that I seem to take it far more seriously than I would have imagined.  As for the show itself, the right act probably went home as it would have taken a miracle for them to make an impact in the competition.  The other thing is that they shouldn’t have changed the format to have it over two nights.  An hour for the results show was really over egging it.  Thank god for Sky Plus.

Total Duration: 300 minutes!!

Total time I spent watching it: 141 minutes

Overall X Factor Ratio: 47%

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The X Factor: Judges’ Houses

October 7, 2009 9 Comments

Well we’re getting very close to the live shows on The X Factor, this week sees us visit the judges’ houses (which are obviously not their real houses, so I don’t know why they call it that).  Here’s what happened.

Saturday

Saturday’s episode starts with perhaps the biggest shock in X Factor; Louis was in Italy not in Ireland!  I needed a lie down to cope when I found that out.  We then meet who each judge has drafted in to help them.  Louis had Ronan Keating, the Irish Gary Barlow, so it looks like the two of them are finally talking again.  Cheryl had Will young who is so posh and sincere that I could listen to him all night.  Sadly, Simon had Sinitta helping him yet again.  I can only assume that she must have some incriminating photos of him.  Over in Dubai, Dannii has the somewhat more impressive Kylie to help her.

I was a little underwhelmed by the ‘Boys’ category, although they seem pretty solid throughout and with young male singers, their looks play as big a part as their voices.  I was slightly baffled by Daniel Fox, but I wouldn’t be shocked if any of them got through.

The ‘Groups’ category is notoriously rubbish, and this year is no exception.  Ronan and Louis seemed to criticise every single act after they sang, and didn’t have a good thing to say.  You’d have to say that that was quite worrying for Louis’ chances of winning.  I don’t think it actually matters to the outcome of the show which three  acts they pick.  Unsurprisingly, Louis still managed to find time to defend John and Edward.  More surprisingly, and despite slagging all the acts off, they still audaciously claimed that they have a potential  winner.

Simon seems to have the most difficult job in selecting which of the ‘Over 25s’ will go through, the category looks to be very strong.  It’s actually a bit of a joke when you compare this group to what Louis has to work with.  The most disappointing moment of the week was when Danyl sadly didn’t reprise his hilarious cover of ‘Holding Back the Years’.

The ‘Girls’ category is definitely stronger vocally than the boys, and they certainly look better in bikinis (was it not a bit gratuitous that they sent them down a water slide?).  I’m not sure which ones are the best singers, but I definitely fancy Stacey McClean most.

I realise that at this point that I haven’t picked any of the contestants to go through; it just seems too tight to call this year and I’d struggle to single anybody out.  I also realised, as I was watching it, that the episode seemed endless; this was because, unusually, I actually watched most of it.

Have I mentioned this week that The Xtra Factor is the better programme?  I’ve come to the conclusion that I big part of the reason for this is that you actually get to see the personalities of both contestants and judges; you don’t just get sob stories and cheesy soundbites as you do with the ITV1 show.  It also doesn’t hurt that Holly is almost unbearably lovely.

Sunday

I was a bit apprehensive about watching this episode beforehand as it tends to be full of people crying and I find it totally unbearable.  To be fair to them, it’s not surprising that they cry considering the way that they drag out the reveal as to whether they’re going through or not.  It’s bordering on animal cruelty.

The ‘Girls’ were the first group to be revealed, and Lucie Jones was the first contestant through through.  She has that girl next door type appeal, so she could do pretty well.  Sadly, Stacey McClean didn’t get through. Typical.  Next through was Rachel, who I could tell you exactly nothing about.  The last girl through was the other Stacey; I though that this was a good decision as has distinctive voice and a likeable, goofy personality.

The dreaded ‘Groups’ were up next and I couldn’t have cared less, other than the vague hope that John and Edward would get through for comedy value.  First through were Miss Frank, who, if I was being cruel, I might rename as Miss Take.  Next through were Kandy Rain, the girl band consisting of ex-strippers.  They should be popular with the largely female voters then.  Last, but by no means least, came The Twerps, sorry I mean, John and Edward.  This pair of idiots were somehow the most nailed-on finalists in the whole competition.  I won’t pass comment on Louis’ possible motivations for this.  That said, you can always rely on Louis for a mental decision to keep the show interesting.

The slightly lacklustre ‘Boys’ were next and first through was Weirdy Eyebrow Man (Rikki), quickly followed by Lloyd, whose voice I probably like most in this group.  Before the third finalist was revealed, we had a bit of drama with Cheryl having to stop in the middle of her decision over Daniel Fox.  I’d like to think that her dilemma was genuine and not done to build up the tension.  Since I fancy her, I’ll assume that it was genuine.  Last through was the totally unsurprising, Little Geordie Joe.  It seems to be the rule that you put through people who are from vaguely the same geographical area as you.

Finally, we got to the ‘Over 25s’, and early bookies favourite, Danyl goes through.  They’ve been slightly critical of him since boot camp, but I think this was mainly to not make him seem like the dead cert to go through that he was.  Next through was slightly quirky Olly and finally came Jamie.  I was a little bit surprised by Jamie, not because of a lack of talent, but because I thought Simon would put through at least one of the girls.  They still look the strongest category.

And that’s nearly it for this week, apart from The Xtra Factor.  Have I mentioned that The Xtra Factor is…oh, I have.  Well, what  about Holly…oh, I’ve done that one too.  Never mind.  The most interesting thing was that Holly also thought that Simon would put at least one girl through, proving that great minds think alike.

And that really is that.  I’m actually looking forward to next week, as the live finals really separate the men from the boys (so to speak).  See you there (not literally).

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X-Rated

November 30, 2008 1 Comment

As a rule, I’m not a huge fan of reality shows; it takes a superhuman effort for me not to scream when I hear people in work talking about ‘I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here’. Instead, I generally just have a rant about it being the same every year, and pointing out that eating a kangaroo’s ring piece doesn’t technically constitute entertainment. The one show that I’ve always had a soft spot for though, is The X Factor.

Reality TV is more powerful than religion. They try and tempt you with their obviously empty offers of entertainment, which you happily ignore, smug in the knowledge that you aren’t wasting your life like the rest of the herd. Until one day you get curious and tune in, only as an ironic observer of course, happily mocking all of those who have been drawn in by it. And you carry on watching because it’s hilarious; how are so many people possibly falling for this old rubbish? They’re idiots! And on you go, chuckling contentedly to yourself, right up until the final, when you realise you have spent over twenty quid voting for your favourite contestant, knowing it would be a catastrophe if that other annoying twat were to win. Then like the sad junkie that you’ve become, you writhe around your living room in agony, desperate with the sudden loss of your fix, scouring the TV schedules for the methadone that is Celebrity Big Brother. And even though you eventually find something to curb your craving, and are able to move on with your life, you’ll always feel hollow inside, knowing that your old self is smugly grinning at you from somewhere deep within.
But I digress. I genuinely do like the X Factor and it has the following advatages over its competition:
1) The auditions process. It would be too obvious to just say that the audtions are hilarious, even though they often are. What really fascinates me though is the trend, in recent series, for auditionees with such a lack of self-awareness that having them on the show can only feel like bullying. And not from the obvious source of Mr Cowell’s jibes, but from the simple fact that these people are allowed to get through the initial screening process at all. They might as well hang a sign round their necks saying, ‘They’ve only put me through so you can laugh at how stupid I am’.
Now, I’m not saying that cruelty is a good reason for liking something, far from it. It’s just that some of these people seem so unrealistic that days later, I find myself still debating whether or not some of them are actors. I mean, surely some of them must be? Surely? How many TV shows give you so much to think about?
2) Talent. Despite what some snottier commentators may say (including my dad – but he’s not really an expert), there are always at least some of the contestants that are talented (anyone remember Leona Lewis?); and watching a competition based (at least partly) on an ability, is always more entertaining that voting for the least unlikable person in the jungle.
3) Cheryl Cole. Quite simply, I’m in love.
4) Judges that fight. Yes, it’s a big pantomime in which Simon and Louis desperately want to be the dame, but there’s nothing wrong with a good pantomime. You can’t beat a good bit of melodrama and overacting on a Saturday night. Even fake hissy fits and tantrums can liven up any show.
5) The Xtra Factor. Yes, it’s a bonus that it’s hosted by the lovely Holly Willoughby (whose attractiveness is the epitome of being more than the sum of its parts), but it’s getting the backstage opinions of the judges and contestants that counts. It really adds to your feeling of involvement in the show (perhaps to an unhealthy level, admittedly). And Holly is far more than just a pretty face and has the talent to bring a real warmth to the show. You can’t help but feel that she will be poached to host the main show before too long, which would be a shame as the Xtra Factor is the far more interesting gig.
And last but not least,
6) Sob stories. No, I’m only joking, even I don’t like the sob stories.
This year has been particularly competitive, although whether that’s because the line up has been generally strong or uniformly weak, I don’t know. It’s almost impossible to make a objective call on this while the competition is still in progress. That said, I was sad to see Ruth go home last night, as she was nowhere near the weakest of the five remaining competitors (I’m looking at you JLS!). It would be a crime if Alexandra Burke doesn’t go on to win; not only has she got the strongest voice in the contest, but she looks every inch the pop star and is the only contestant who has really given a performance week in week out. But being the most talented makes it almost inevitable that she won’t win; if I had to pick a winner it would be badger foetus, Eoghan Quigg.
Incidentally, I’d like to give a hearty thank you to James Corden over on the Xtra Factor last night, for saying what we were all thinking about Britney’s dismal ‘performance’. Why they bothered with her is something of a mystery, but I’m guessing Simon won’t be asking her back next year.
On a final note, it’s worth noting the influence of Sky Plus on my continued fascination with the show. If you count the Xtra Factor episodes (which of course I do), the show was on for a staggering 3 hours 55 minutes (7:35 till 11:30!). With Sky Plus I was able to watch it all in 1 hour 33 minutes. If I had to watch it live, I think the excessive amount of padding would have driven me mad years ago.
Vote for Alex!

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