The housemates had won a lie-in in the previous night’s game of charades, but BB had decided to wake them up early any way, so they didn’t actually get a lie in.  It didn’t really make sense.

Dane said that his sex tape was the biggest thing on the internet.  That just sounds like bragging to me.

They were given a task of being chained together with people they haven’t bonded with.  The meant: Vinnie & Ivana, Jonas, Nicola & Stephanie and Dane & Alex.  It was a pretty rubbish task.  There was some petty arguments and Nicola told a rubbish joke.  Dane and Alex discussed Siamese twins.  Alex pondered ‘how it happens’ as if they originally aren’t stuck together.

Jonas said that he loses all self confidence when he talks to Vinnie because he’s one of his favourite actors.  I don’t know which bit of that statement makes me feel sadder.

Vinnie said that a pair of socks costs £400.  Alex and Dane challenged  him over being the ‘people’s champ’.  Isn’t that what I said yesterday?  Scary.  Vinnie didn’t take to this very well and was just nasty in response.  His true colours are perhaps peeping through.

Dane was called to the diary room.  As ‘keeper of the key’, he, and a housemate of his choice, could visit a very special place when everybody else was asleep.  He picked Jonas, who said that he loved Dane for picking him.  Bless.

Jonas and Dane went into the special place.  They had beers, pizza and a nintendo wii.  I can’t believe they were actually nice to them.  That was the end.  Quite a dull episode.

Jonas sits alone on the bench having a fag and a brew.   Was this as exciting as it was going to get?  Thankfully not, the Tree of Temptation was back.

Vinnie said that Stephanie is playing to the public because she said that two characters have left the house.  He feels that there is friction between them, even though they used to be bezzies.  Vinnie declared that he represents ‘the public’ more than anyone else in the house.  This theory would be undermined by some of his subsequent conversations.

Stephanie bounced up and down on the exercise ball.  Nicola copied her while sat on the sofa.  It made me laugh a bit.

In the sixties, Stephanie lived in a commune.  Living in the BB house feels like ‘coming home’ to her.  Far out, man.

The Tree of Temptation spoke to Nicola and gave her a challenge.  In response, she said ‘yeah’ about 50 times.  To win a message from home, she had to tell all the other housemates a home truth, but then give them a kiss.  The tree gave her an example of a home truth: ‘You’re well fit, but you look a bit like Bruce Forsyth.’  She didn’t twig that he actually meant it.

Nicola then came up with some of the greatest insults in the history of insultitude.

Ivana – “You look like a big fat orange in that tracksuit.”

Dane – “You’re handsome but you reminds me of Danny De Vito.”

Jonas – “Has anyone ever told you that you look like Roland Rat?” (poor Jonas looked devastated)

Alex – “When did you have your teeth whitened? They look green.”

Stephanie – “It looks like you’ve got a big bush on your head.”

In a break from the insults, Stephanie and Vinnie claimed that you need a hundred quid in your pocket at all times.  Just in case you need to buy a newspaper or toothpaste.  Vinnie’s ‘voice of the public’ mantle was seriously slipping.

Dane and Alex had an uncomfortable chat about Dane going round to Jordan’s house.  You could read between the lines about what actually happened, and it was painful to watch.

Nicola went out and talked to the tree as she was struggling to insult Vinnie.  I felt like I was watching a character in a children’s programme – I mean Nicola not the tree.  Tt was actually quite endearing.  She  nearly made the tree laugh by completely mishearing ‘I won’t give you an example’ as ‘he’s going bald’.  I hear by propose that Nicola and the ToT get their own spin-off show.  Here’s an example of their amazing conversation:

Nicola: I thought you were a nice tree.

ToT: Who told you that?

Nicola: I dunno.

Well, I’d watch it.

So, she finally had a crack at Vinnie by saying that he’s put on a load of weight.  He wasn’t having any of it.  She then struggled to get him to let her kiss him. And that was with her begging.  He eventually let her as he suspected it was all task related.  She richly deserved her message from home.

Vinnie discussed his Hollywood lifestyle and how many servants he had and how much it cost to have them.  The man of the people.

Supplied with wine and nibbles, the housemates had to play charades of celebrity faux pas.  They could win an extra five minutes in bed for every one they get right.  Cue the comedy montage.  Nicola seemed to get most answers right. She may have found her niche in life.

The show ended with Jonas telling Big Brother that he sometimes feels cut out of group discussions and feels lonely in the house.  I’d forgotten just how earnest he is.  Bless.