Boring Blog Stats – July 2010

Blah blah blah….here are how many hits my blogs got last month…blah blah blah.

In June,  the figures were:

The World of Sherby57 – Total hits = 640, average hits per day = 21.3

Pour Some Gravy On Me – Total hits = 915, average hits per day = 30.5

In July, they were:

Sherby57 – Total hits = 718, average hits per day = 23.2

PSGOM – Total hits = 922, average hits per day = 29.7

Top Posts for the Month

Sherby57 -

Home Page – 227 hits

Genetic Engineering – Has it gone too far? – 109 hits – Always slightly depressing that this is always my top post.  I’m almost tempted to delete it, but I’m too much of a whore for the hits.

A Hilarious A-Team Joke – 71 hits – God bless The A-Team movie for rekindling interest in this post.  It really is a tremendous joke, too.

Sexy Lamb – 56 hits – Cute cats are always a winner.

PSGOM -

Home Page – 452 hits

Richard Herring @ Night & Day Cafe, Manchester – 44 hits – Not only was this an excellent gig, but it’s provided me with a decent number of hits. It’s a win-win scenario.

Navmii on iPhone Review – 38 hits – Maybe I’ve saved 38 people from spending £20 that they probably shouldn’t.  Please read the follow up post, here, for more info.

Team Extreme – Episode 3: Cozzy’s Caravan – 32 hits – Good old Team Extreme.  Not only do they save the day on a frequent basis, but they also generate hits for my blog.  They’re ace.

Plinky

You may be wondered what the hell the two posts were yesterday (What Keeps Me Up at Night and Would I Survive No Internet for a Whole Month?).  I don’t blame you for wondering that, they did seem a bit random.  Well, worry no more, because I’m here to explain.  They were both Plinky inspired.

What’s Plinky, I hear you ask?  Apart from those of you who already know what it is.  I don’t hear you asking what Plinky is, because you already know what it is.  Plinky is a new mini blogging site in which a new question is set every day and you can choose if you want to answer it or not.  It’s a way of blogging without having to think of the topics yourself.  I know I don’t really have a problem thinking of new things to write about, but I thought I’d give it a go anyway.

Marvellously, Plinky links straight into WordPress blogs and so it means that it creates a post on here as well as on the Plinky site itself (I feel as if I’ve used the word Plinky more than is actually necessary – sorry).  It’s surprisingly addictive, and I’ve had to stop myself from going back and answering a load more of the older questions.  Sometimes you have to pace yourself.

Why not give it a go?  Let me know if you try it and how you get on with it.  Or you could just Plink me about it.

I don’t think that plinking somebody is actually a thing, though.  Just tell me about how you get on.

Two Weeks of Sherby57: 4th July – 17th July 2010

Hello.  I love you.  Won’t you tell me your name?

Wow.  Derek is an unusual name for such a pretty girl.  So, “Derek”, would you like to hear about some of my blog posts from the last few weeks?  You would?  How delightful.

Sunday 4th

Tea-Based Barry White-Style Love Song – Can you imagine what it would be like if Barry White were to write a song about making a cup of tea? No?  You’ve really got no imagination at all, have you?  No need to worry, just read this post and you’ll find out.

Monday 5th

Parallel Spoons – Do you like your mind messed with and your perceptions challenged?  Then don’t read this post.  Only joking, you should definitely read this post.  Or should you?  Yes.

Tuesday 6th

Not Really A Poem –  What happens when you try and write a poem and you can’t think of anything to write poetry about?  You try and pretend that you’re writing some crazy avant garde poem about not being able to write a poem.  Then you sit back and collect your avant garde poetry awards.  Ker-ching.

Wednesday 7th

Biggest Bogey – Meh.  Something about a big bit of snot that I got bored of writing half way through.  Yet again I tried the whole “I’m being post modern” escape route.

Thursday 8th

Romcosmonauts – This post will go down in history.  It’s the post in which I create the blog post romcom clips show.  I’ve literally revolutionised the internet.

Sunday 11th

Post From The Past – July 2009 – Some old posts that weren’t that exciting.  Wait a minute, I’m supposed to be selling this to you.  The old posts were totally amazing.

Monday 12th

Sherby57′s Mind Expanders – 6 – Another puzzle of the most intellectual variety.   If you’ve completed all 6 mind expanders to date then you probably have a really muscly brain by now.  Don’t get carried away, though.  Brain steroids are really dangerous.

Wednesday 14th

Tedgate – Ted causes controversy by standing near a gate.  A tense political thriller in under 300 words.  Without the politics.  Or any thrills.

Thursday 15th

The Noisy Couple – A Story –  Who would have thought that being noisy in a pub could be romantic? Me, of course.  It’s very romantic depending on the circumstances.

Friday 16th

Perfume Lesson –  Do you want to grow as a person?  You’d better get reading this post then.  You’ll end up smelling nice and having a transcendental experience.

Two Weeks of Sherby57: 20th June – 3rd July 2010

“Bang bang,” went the thing that went bang.  It was a bang that had banged like no other bang.  In that instant, Clive knew that it was time to give up the pork pies.

Hello and welcome to another edition of this bloody thing.  Here are the posts that appeared on The World Of Sherby57 in the past couple of weeks.

Monday 21st

Being Back – My Song – As I hadn’t blogged for 5 days, I decided to write a song to reflect my feelings on returning to blogland.  It’s just the words, so you’ll have to imagine the music.  It’s like a mix between “The Cat Crept In” by Mud and Beethoven’s 5th Symphony, if that helps.

Tuesday 22nd

Two Men of Potentially Differing Sizes – One man is big and the other is small. Or are they?  Read this post for a powerful lesson in the power of perception.

Wednesday 23rd

The Man Who Sold The World – A thrilling anecdote about when I sold the planet to some dodgy aliens.

Thursday 24th

Secret Location – Can anybody guess where I was when I wrote this post?  In many ways it doesn’t matter, cos I can’t tell you anyway.  It’s a secret.

Saturday 26th

Big Sherby57 on TVer – Check out my reviews of some of the hottest shows on the box, including a reality TV show about prostitution, a game show involving pumpkins and a harrowing documentary about a weird cat.

Monday 28th

Possibly Some News – This may or may not have happened.  Whatever it was.

Tuesday 29th

The Band – A Story – A hilarious story based on a bit of ropey word play.

Wednesday 30th

Five Reasons To Love Bobby Davro –  It’s been pointed out that I’m a bit obsessed with Mr Davro.  This post attempts to explain why.

Thursday 1st

Hey, You Smell – A Story – Love can blossom in the most unusual of places, even in a perfume shop.

Boring Blog Stats – May 2010

Love.  Exciting and new.

Come aboard. We’re expecting you.

And so started every episode of the excellent cruise liner based TV show, The Love Boat.  In a way, isn’t taking a look at your blogs statistics very much like an episode of The Love Boat?  No, you’re absolutely right.  They’re nothing alike.  Lets’s take a look at those stats anyway.

In April,  the figures were:

The World of Sherby57 – Total hits = 679, average hits per day = 22.6

Pour Some Gravy On Me – Total hits = 700, average hits per day = 23.3

In May, they were:

Sherby57 – Total hits = 752, average hits per day = 24.3

PSGOM – Total hits = 1100, average hits per day = 35.5

Top Posts for the Month

Sherby57 -

Home Page – 230 hits

Genetic Engineering – Has it gone too far? – 147 hits – A classic post about a man who has a banana instead of a penis.  Does he look familiar to anybody, and what’s his link to Team Extreme?

Sexy Lamb – 27 hits – A photo of one of my cats when she was a little baby.  She’s reclined in a ridiculously provocative pose.  Rest assured, she got into this position of her own accord, no matter how unlikely that may seem.

Amazing Animations! – 25 hits – I can’t believe that these animations have been on the internet for 3 years and Pixar haven’t offered me a job yet.  Life can be so cruel sometimes.

PSGOM -

Home Page – 483 hits

Leaving Facebook – 69 hits – It’s a weird world in which your most popular post is one about deleted yourself from a web-site.  The most amazing thing about this is that it means “Sex Sells” wasn’t my most popular post for the first time in the history of Boring Blog Stats.

Flight of the Conchords @ Manchester Apollo – 68 hits – That’s right, “Sex Sells” isn’t even the number two post for the month.  Many thanks to the New Zealand comedy folksters for having so many fans.

Sex Sells: The Mr Banana Penis Story – 56 hits – Ah, there it is.  It’s a post that discusses the popularity of the previously mentioned “Genetic Engineering” post from Sherby57.

Team Extreme Versus The Nazis – 53 hits – Good old Team Extreme.  When they’re not out saving the world, they’re helping me to get more hits.

Top Posts of all time (so far)

Sherby57 -

Genetic Engineering – Has it Gone Too Far? – 3434 hits – See. I told you it was popular.

Geordie Jokes – 670 hits – I’m one of the best joke writers in the world and everyone loves the Geordies.  It’s no wonder that this post has gone rocketing up the rankings.

Goot Crow Industries and Global Influence – 582 hits – What do you mean that you haven’t heard of Goot the Crow?  I think you’d better go and read this post.  It might just save your life.  P.s.  Please don’t confuse Goot the Crow with Team Extreme’s Goot.  It’s complicated.

PSGOM -

Sex Sells: The Mr Banana Penis Story – 813 hits – I think we’ve already mentioned this one.

The X Factor Finals: Week 7 – 145 hits – I’d like to think that this post has been so popular because of my insightful analysis of the talent contest.  It’s not, though.  The post contains the word “upskirt”.  It really is that tragic.

About Gravy – 126 hits – I guess that people just want to find out more about me.  It gives me a warm fuzzy feeling inside.

Waffle Round Up

Hello to you all.  I hope that you’re enjoying the bank holiday weekend.  This is my sincere voice, in case you were wondering.  Today’s post is going to be a round up of some of the general stuff that’s been going on around me and my blogs recently.

I’ve seen an upturn in the number of hits I’ve been getting in the last week or two.  This is in no small part due to my Team Extreme stories and forcing everyone in work to read them.  It’s a great technique for anyone wanting to boost their hittage.  What’s weird is that these hits from people in the office don’t quite make up the total number of hits I’ve received.  It’s almost as if getting more hits has made my blogs more likely to get even more hits.  Is that possible? Is that the way that WordPress blogs work?  It’s very intriguing.

You may remember my post on Wednesday, Amazonian, in which I celebrated my book appearing for sale on Amazon.   Well, as I’m only human, I immediately submitted a 5-star review.  Amazon are supposed to approve reviews within 48 hours, but as of yet, there’s still no sign of mine.  Do you think that they rejected it because I was blatantly plugging my own work?  I really wasn’t subtle about the fact that I was the author, but it still seems a bit harsh.  If anyone else would like to contribute a review, or even buy a copy, then I’d be ever so grateful.

Speaking of my book, it made it’s first public appearance yesterday, when Dr. Angel took her copy on a train journey.  You can see the evidence below:

It’s quite a momentous day for any author.  I can only imagine that the Doc was inundated with requests from her fellow passengers as to what the amazing book was that she was reading.  She’s not actually said anything to that effect, but I assume that she’s not telling me so that I don’t get big headed.

Some of the comments sections on some of my posts have gone off on some very severe tangents recently.  On the comments to A Tale of Two Posts, Mr Shev has set the following challenge:

Anyway in the spirit of this sordid practice maybe we should see who can get most hits by writing the most mundane post with the most salacious title. Like the section in Debenhams called Knobs & Knockers (should get you a few hits, Sherby…) was actually selling ironmongery…sadly.

Well, I couldn’t resist the challenge and wrote the post My Pulsating Hairy Love Wand over on The World of Sherby57.  It’s about as mundane as I could have made a post with that title.  So far it’s had a grand total of 3 hits.

Over on Changing – a post about changing my blog theme – the conversation has steered towards having sex with a blog theme, starring in a romcom in which you fall in love with a blog theme and going for an exciting, dangerous adventure in a hand bag.  It’s good to know that I’m not the only odd one around here.  I’m just the ringleader.

Although this post is appearing on Monday morning, I’m actually writing it on Sunday evening.  If anything changes drastically in the hours between submission and publication, please don’t hold it against me.  Weirdly, after writing about how many hits I’ve been getting lately, I’ve only had 3 hits today and it’s nearly 7pm.  I can only assume that everyone has gone out for the day.

Anyway, enjoy the rest of your bank holiday, unless you’re not reading it today – and by today I mean tomorrow – in which case it won’t be a bank holiday.  Unless you have coincidentally decided to read it on another bank holiday.  Let’s just agree that you just enjoy your day, whatever type of day it is.  This may or may not be my sincere voice.

Post Recycling – May 2009

After 3 months of nothing, I finally I have some posts to write about in a horribly self indulgent manner.  Yes, welcome to Post Recycling, where I take a look at the blog posts that I published a year ago and try and get you to read them.  To be fair, it’s not entirely about me pimping my old posts.  It’s quite an interesting experience to go back and see how your life and writing has changed in the previous 12 months.  Well, that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it.

May 2009 saw my blogging drought come to an end, and also saw PSGOM transfer from Blogger to here on WordPress.  I explain this move (not very well) in the post Welcome to WordPress.  It’s not very exciting, but it has such historical significance that it’s worth reading just so you can tell your grandkids that you did.

I guess I was still working out what I should be writing about on PSGOM, at this stage, which probably explains the post Holy Gravy?.  In it, I describe how when I tried to go to my old blogger address it took me to some kind of wacko bible web-site.  Maybe it was just God sending me a message.  Or maybe not.

May 2009 also saw me start to write about football, a practice that I’ve now stopped.  What a difference a year makes.  The post A Prayer saw me asking my old friend God for some help in Liverpool winning the league.  Sadly, the very next post, Gravy 1 God 0, saw God disprove his existence as Manchester United won and all but ended Liverpool’s chances.  Ah, how I wish I could return to those days of narrowly missing out, rather than the complete and abject failure of the Reds this season.  At some point, I should really write a post about their demise, but it’s going to take an almighty effort.  Anyway, I discuss the end of last season’s title race in the post It is Now, in which I urge Manchester United fans not to gloat for the sake of their own existential well-being.

Looking through your old posts is a good way of bringing back some happy memories.  Firstly, there was Blumen’ Marvellous which describes Team Extreme’s Goot’s proposed starter for his Heston Blumenthal-style (Blumenstyle) feast.  Sadly, Goot never got around to scheduling the dinner party and we’re all still sat around exceedingly hungry for his pony-tail based delights.  Secondly, there was my Wall of Wonder, which documents all of the pictures that I had stuck on the wall next to my desk in work.  Sadly, I’ve since moved desks and it’s all come down, but I’ll always have this post to remind me of the glory days.

The final post of the month was Previewing My Reviews.  In retrospect, it’s an interesting post as it’s basically me apologising for being crap at writing reviews because I was so nervous about writing any that I felt I had to pre-empt the criticism I was sure to get for their crapness.  I wouldn’t necessarily say that I’ve gotten any better at writing reviews, but I’ve published loads of them now, so at least I no longer feel funny about doing it.  There’s definitely a lesson to be learned for any fledgling bloggers: just write it.

You can read the rest of my posts from May 2009, here.

A Tale of Two Posts

On the 1st May, I published the post Boring Blog Stats – April 2010, in which I lamented the low number of hits that my blogs had received in the previous month.

On the 23rd May, I published the post Changing, in which I told the world about changing the theme for my blog.

I can’t help but think that these two things are related.  Do people really want to read a blog about cosmetic changes to that very blog?  It seems unlikely.

Some people might argue that even less people would want to read a blog in which someone discusses the impact on that said blog of blogging about the cosmetic changes made to that blog.  I disagree.  I think this is a perfectly acceptable topic for the blogger to blog about.

Does this mean that in future I will only write about things that people will actually want to read about, rather than being painfully self-referential?  No chance.  I love being self-referential.  It’s safe to say that I’ll soon be writing another post in which I describe the perils of writing a blog about self-referentially mentioning the fact that your blog isn’t doing too well because you write about things that are purely self-referential.  Stay tuned, it’s going to be a classic.

Changing

Blimey.  It’s like a real-life Summer’s day.  I’m totally hot and I’m wearing shorts.  If I were to engage in some physical activity, then there’s a good chance that I might get a sweat on.  Here ends my observational comedy routine about hot weather.  I hope you enjoyed it.  When I’m living in my villa in the South of France and I plunge myself into my private pool, I’ll think of this moment.  I’ll think of the day that I wowed the world with my poignant comedic musings on the fact that it’s sunny.  This is the moment that my life changed.

Maybe not.

Anyway, this really is the moment that my blog changed.  Those of you with functioning eyes (and have visited prior to this post) will have noticed that my blog theme has changed.  Why?  Well, sometimes it’s just nice to freshen things up a bit.  A change is a good as a rest, as they say.  That’s not really true if your change is to go and run a marathon, but let’s not split hairs.

Anyway, do you like it?  I’m not sure, but then I never am.  I’ve tried to change the theme a few times in the past, but have never been able to decide whether they’ve been an improvement or not.  As a result, I’ve always chickened out and stuck with what I knew.  Well, as we enter the brave new world of coalition government, I thought it was time that I just changed it anyway.   So I did.  Clearly.

If anyone has any opinions, then please leave a comment.  But, if you don’t like it, please be gentle with me.

Boring Blog Stats – April 2010

It’s been a struggle to do much blogging this week (for no particular reason), so thank goodness for the start of a new month.  Yes, it’s time for me to bore you with my boring blog stats.  Enjoy.

In March,  the figures were:

The World of Sherby57 – Total hits = 989, average hits per day = 31.9

Pour Some Gravy On Me – Total hits = 1126, average hits per day = 36.3

In April, they were:

Sherby57 – Total hits = 679, average hits per day = 22.6

PSGOM – Total hits = 700, average hits per day = 23.3

Ah.  Not a great month for the blogs, hits-wise.  They’re actually the lowest number of hits that I’ve had since July\August last year, which is ever so slightly depressing.  Don’t worry, I won’t be slitting my wrists any time soon.

Top Posts for the Month

Sherby57 -

Like last month, I’m not going to bother because they’re the same ones that they always are.

PSGOM -

Home Page – 281

Sex Sells: The Mr Banana Penis Story – 64

Disturbing Showers and Mid-Month Stats Update – 21

Nothing To Say – 21

I think the whole month is summed up by an entry about having nothing to say being one of the most popular posts.

Top Non-Pervy Search Terms of All Time

As we discovered last month, many of the actual top search terms used to find my blogs are sexually related.  This month I thought I’d try and pick just the ones that are not cock-related.  I’ve added the “real ranking” of each phrase, which is where it would be if I had included all the pervy ones.

Sherby57 -

geordie jokes – real ranking 3rd – 435 hits

bodyguard – real ranking 4th – 365 hits

geordie jeans – real ranking  5th – 220 hits

baby lamb – real ranking 6th – 215 hits

sherby57 – real ranking 7th - 185 hits

PSGOM –

pour some gravy on me – real ranking 7th – 40 hits

cbb 2010 – real ranking 9th – 31 hits

jonas altberg – real ranking 11th – 16 hits

danyl johnson warrington – real ranking 15th – 10 hits

rachel adedeji – real ranking 17th – 8 hits


They’re all a bit boring, aren’t they?

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