Pretty Vacant

July 25, 2011 6 Comments

I’ve got nothing in particular to say today, so I’m going to write this.

Intriguingly, my really inconsequential posts often get more hits than my “substantial” ones. I’ll be honest, that’s a little bit depressing. Not only does it kind of negate any effort that I put into writing, but it suggests that I’m at my most interesting when I’m being most vacant.

For example, at present my heartfelt exploration of my 8th stand up gig is less popular than a photo of a charity shop window. Why do I even bother?

Anyway, this is is a post about not much, so it will probably get loads of hits. Unless it doesn’t, in which case it won’t. We’ll see what happens.

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Daylight Bloggery

June 8, 2011 Leave a Comment

Web browser

Image via Wikipedia

So, Plinky.com asked me “Do you blog?”

If you’re reading this on my blog, then you’ll know that I do because you’re already on my blog. If you’re reading this on Plinky, then you’ll know that I do because of the previous sentence.

So, Plinky also asked why I blog. Why do I blog? Because I bloody love it. Do my reasons have to be any deeper than that? Oh, they do. Well, the great thing about blogging is that you can just do it there and then and ejaculate your creative juices all over the internet. OK, hardly anybody reads them, but that’s not the point. Sometimes it’s good just to get it out of your system.

If I can be serious for a moment (yes, really), blogging is a great way for you to boost your creativity. There aren’t any overheads, just access to a web browser and a keyboard. The more you are creative, the more you want to be and this can only lead to more interesting possibilities in your life.

Powered by Plinky

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Contact Me?

May 18, 2011 4 Comments

So, I’ve got two blogs.  They’ve both got a page on them called “Contact Me”.  The PSGOM contact me page has had 87 hits.  The World of Sherby57 contact page has had 152 hits.  That’s 239 hits in total.

Now, the purpose of the pages – and I’m guessing that you’re well ahead of me here – is to allow you to fill in a form that contacts me.  The clue is in the name.

I’m not exaggerating if I say that I’ve had a maximum of 10 e-mails through these forms.  10.  Ten.

What the hell were the other 229 people doing? What were they looking for? What did they think they were going to find?

These aren’t rhetorical questions, I’m genuinely stumped.  If anybody has a theory then please leave a comment below.  Or you could always “contact me”.

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A Blogging Experiment

March 26, 2011 Leave a Comment

A few months ago, I wrote a blog post in which I said that I was going to stop blogging about blogging, and blogging about how many hits my blogs were getting (you can read that post, here, if you don’t believe me).   I’m pleased to say that I have so far avoided any posts of that, unbelievably tedious, nature, so I hope you’ll forgive me if I semi-break my self-imposed embargo.

My post rate has rapidly declined in recent times – 44 posts, so far this year over 2 blogs, which is actually a bit more than I would have guessed – so I would expect my number of hits to have fallen off.  However, having had a sneaky peek at my site stats the other day, I was shocked to see just how few hits I’ve been getting (with PSGOM suffering much more than The World of Sherby57).  Last month saw me get around 8 times less hits than at my peak.  I don’t post 8 times less frequently, so what’s the reason for the drop off?  Does the regularity of daily updates make that much of a difference?  Am I writing about less interesting subjects? Has me writting goned rubbish? I don’t know, but I’d sure like to find out.

Aha! You see, there was a point to all this and it wasn’t just an excuse for me to talk about stats again.  I’ve got two weeks off work now and I thought it would be good to perform an experiment.  I’m going to attempt a concentrated burst of bloggery over the next 16 days, just to see if it makes any difference to the number of hits I get.  My aim is to average at least 1 post per day per blog – a total of 32 posts.  I don’t know if I’ll actually be able to manage it, but now that it’s written down and published on the internet, I might be shamed into completion.

I’ve already written on TWoS57 today, so I’ve completed 6.25% of my quest.  Wish me luck.

 

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WordPress Wildfire

November 18, 2010 Leave a Comment

My last post contained a complaint about my iPhone being rubbish, specifically with regards to blogging. Well I’ve got a new phone now and I’m blogging on it now.  I bet you’re all terribly excited about that.

I’ve purchased a HTC Wildfire. And that’s all I’ve got to say about it right now.  I’ve got work to be getting on with. See you later, alligators. 

P.s.

That mobile blogging experience was a massive improvement.  Just in case you were wondering.

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My Perfect Man

November 4, 2010 Leave a Comment

A couple of weeks ago, I got a text message from Dr Angel saying that I was mentioned on a blog post she’d just written.  I hurriedly went onto the internet to have a look and was confronted with a post called My Perfect Man.  Finally, I assumed, somebody had taken the time to document just how amazing I am.  It was about time.

Alas, I had sadly gotten the wrong end of the stick.  It wasn’t about me at all.  Why was this happening?  Why would she tease me in this way?  Was I not, indeed, perfect?  It appeared not.

After I had composed myself from my narcissistic devastion, I read the post again.  I had been blog-tagged.  I didn’t even know blog-tagging existed.  I still don’t know whether it’s actually called blog-tagging.  It’s all a mystery.  In short, she was challenging me and several other bloggers to write our own version of “My Perfect Man”.

The doc assured me that I could write “My Perfect Woman” and I set my tiny mind to this incredibly tough challenge.  I’ll be honest, I was struggling, but today was going to be my attempt at it.  However, when I had a look at what the other tagees had written, I noticed that they’d all stuck with “My Perfect Man”, even the men.  Surely writing about a woman would be cheating and breaking every rule in the blog-tagging book (to be fair, I don’t know if there are blog-tagging rules, but I’ll assume that this is one of them).

So.  My Perfect Man.  How the hell am I going to answer that?  Under what circumstances would I need a man, and what criteria would he need to fulfil to achieve perfection in this role?  Blah.  I’ve got nothing.

Maybe my perfect man is the kind of man that I’d like to be.  Sure, I’m already pretty close to perfection, but which bits do I need to tweak?  Well, I can certainly think of a few areas that I’d like to improve, but do I really want to bare my soul in a jovial blogging challenge?  Probably not.

I’m going to have to think outside the box and just go with my gut instinct.   In this case, my perfect man would have to be Burt Reynolds in Smokey and The Bandit.  He drives a fast car, complete with onboard Sally Field.  He’s got a lovely red shirt (I want it).  He pulls off the cowboy\moustache combination in an incredulously heterosexual manner.  And he’s got best laugh in the world.

Perfect.

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My Monday Night

September 13, 2010 13 Comments

So, I was going to write a post about how angry other drivers make me, but then I just couldn’t be bothered. I couldn’t face looking at the stupid laptop any longer.

Anyone normal would have just walked away from the whole blogging thing for the evening, but I could never be described as normal. Instead I opted to fire up the old WordPress iPhone app and knock together another ridiculously self-indulgent bit of bloggery. So here we are. Congratulations to anybody who has managed to get this far.

As I type, I’m trying to watch the first episode of new BBC sitcom Him & Her. I’m 11 minutes in and close to giving up. It’s just making me feel old. That’s it, I’ve given up.

Part of me already regrets deleting it. It feels like a crime to give up on a new comedy so easily, but I don’t need to watch someone have a poo. They didn’t even have any splashing sounds. If you’re going to do it then you might as well see it through properly.

I’m back on The Gadget Show. I usually like to wait until it’s finished before I watch it so that I can whizz right through the boring bits. That accounts for about 45 minutes of it. Some of the ‘challenges’ that they have to complete are woeful. Right now they’re trying to make a gadget referee for a football match. How I wish I could fast forward.

Oh dear god. Here comes the infamous Gadget Show competition. What would you actually do with all those prizes were you to actually win? They wouldn’t fit in my house. It costs £1.50 to enter. I don’t know if that represents good value or not. Rest assured, I won’t be entering.

Hang on! I’ve got ten whole minutes that I can fast forward through. I feel so ashamed at my amateurism.

Right. I think it’s probably time to have a brew. Since you’re all too lazy to make me one then I’d better go myself. I’ll speak to you soon.

Night x.

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Blog Without Blogging

September 8, 2010 Leave a Comment

What do you do when you don’t have time to blog properly, you’re tired and you’ve got nothing you want to write about?

This. You do this.

It’s pretty easy. You just open up the WordPress app on your iPhone and you just start typing. It doesn’t really matter what you write about. Any old sentence will do.

It can be useful to start with some kind of statement about your current lack of inspiration (check paragraph one), then you can just say what you’re doing. If you’re feeling particularly frisky, you can then go on to explain that you did the other two things.

You’ll soon find that you’ve done 3 paragraphs and a blog post is well and truly on its way.

Critics will point out the complete lack of meaningful content, but don’t listen to them. This is blogging. It’s often better if your posts are as meaningless as possible. It all just adds to the rich fabric of the internet.

If I wanted to I could just stop now. I’ve not written loads but it’s enough. Another option is for me to carry on. Maybe I’ll do that. Maybe I won’t. I’ve not decided yet. It all depends on whether or not I can be bothered thinking of something to spin this out for a bit longer.

I’ve decided. I’m going to stop. But don’t feel sad, just take a look. I’ve done a blog post.

Job done.

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1001st

August 30, 2010 6 Comments

I’ve just checked the dashboards of my two blogs.  Pour Some Gravy On Me has 466 posts.  The World of Sherby57 has 534 posts.  For those of you who are mathematically challenged, this adds up for 1000 posts.

1000!

A thousand!

I can’t believe that I’ve reached such a mammoth milestone in my blogging career.  It’s literally blown my mind.  Well, not literally.  If my mind had truly blown then I wouldn’t be able to type this.

Anyway, that’s an awful lot of nonsense that I’ve spouted over the last 3 and a bit years.  I’d like to thank anybody who has visited any of my 1000 (yes, a thousand!) posts over this period.  Special thanks must go to Dr Angel for being the only person who’d ever visit TWoS57 and essentially kept me going in this blogging lark.  I’d even like to thank all those people that have inadvertently visited my blogs while searching for something pervy.  This must account for about 90% of my hits, so it would be churlish to exclude them.

As much as I’d like to keep this positive, I just have to take a moment to chastise all of you who have never visited either of my blogs.  You know who you are and I think your attitude stinks.  With 1000 nuggets of entertainment to choose from, you’ve got no right in not visiting at least once.  You’re so so fucking selfish.  You always have been, and you always will be.  Unless you visit at some point in the future, in which case  I’ll take it back.  If this is your first visit to my blogs then that’s quite spooky and I think you’re very special.

If you were to say that the average length of a post is 100 words (and this is surely a conservative estimate), then this is the equivalent of 100,000 words.  If I had any brains I would have written 100,000 words of  best selling novel instead.  We’ve already established that I do have brains, though, so that doesn’t make any sense.

I guess the next big target is to have completed 1000 posts on each blog.  By that stage, you really will have no excuse for having never visited.  Make sure that you have, or there’ll be trouble.

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Boring Blog Stats – July 2010

August 1, 2010 Leave a Comment

Blah blah blah….here are how many hits my blogs got last month…blah blah blah.

In June,  the figures were:

The World of Sherby57 – Total hits = 640, average hits per day = 21.3

Pour Some Gravy On Me – Total hits = 915, average hits per day = 30.5

In July, they were:

Sherby57 – Total hits = 718, average hits per day = 23.2

PSGOM – Total hits = 922, average hits per day = 29.7

Top Posts for the Month

Sherby57 -

Home Page – 227 hits

Genetic Engineering – Has it gone too far? – 109 hits – Always slightly depressing that this is always my top post.  I’m almost tempted to delete it, but I’m too much of a whore for the hits.

A Hilarious A-Team Joke – 71 hits – God bless The A-Team movie for rekindling interest in this post.  It really is a tremendous joke, too.

Sexy Lamb – 56 hits – Cute cats are always a winner.

PSGOM -

Home Page – 452 hits

Richard Herring @ Night & Day Cafe, Manchester – 44 hits – Not only was this an excellent gig, but it’s provided me with a decent number of hits. It’s a win-win scenario.

Navmii on iPhone Review – 38 hits – Maybe I’ve saved 38 people from spending £20 that they probably shouldn’t.  Please read the follow up post, here, for more info.

Team Extreme – Episode 3: Cozzy’s Caravan – 32 hits – Good old Team Extreme.  Not only do they save the day on a frequent basis, but they also generate hits for my blog.  They’re ace.

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