Gig 30: Buzzin’ @ De Bees Music Bar, Winsford – 29th January 2012

I’ve had a string of really successful gigs recently, so I knew that I was well overdue to die on my arse. And, boy, did I ever die on my arse last night. Obviously, this isn’t the greatest thing to happen, but it should, at least, make for a slightly more interesting blog post.

Preparation for the gig was fairly relaxed as I was largely performing tried and tested material, which I know like the back of my hand (or so I thought). There were a few tweaks to a couple of bits, but overall I was pretty confident with the set list, which was:

1. “I’m sat at a desk..” Previously only performed at Gig 25.
2. My “this really shifty looking bloke came up to me and pointed at my wrist…” bit (previously know as “the joke that unjusticely got me gonged off at Beat The Frog” (Gig 12))
3. The “Can’t Fight The Moonlight” bit.
4. The “Arnie\Controversial-Incomplete Joke” bits that have been in pretty much all my straight stand up sets.  There was a bit of a change to the ending of the “incomplete” part, inspired by last week’s tweaked version for Beat The Frog (Gig 29).
5. New joke “So she lost her job…” Although this was new I’d tried it out on a couple of people and felt confident that it would get some kind of laugh.
6.. My “Personal” bit, plus a bit of “Personal Bit 2″ from Gig 27.  On doing a timed run through, I needed a couple of extra minutes and decided that the first part of “Personal Bit 2″ would fit nicely.  There are a few points in it where there are quite natural breaks, so I could always drop bits depending on how time was running.
7. Short play “One Day in Liverpool.”  This has worked really well in Gig 26 and Gig 28, so I thought I’d give it a whirl in a straight set.  It seemed a nice way to finish.

I got a bit nervous on the afternoon of the gig – I think because it was a gig I’d never done before and there was the element of the unknown. I’d calmed down by the time it came to perform, though, and was really looking forward to it.  There wasn’t a huge audience, but the first three bits went down OK – not great – but I felt it was fine given the audience size.  I then got to the Arnie stuff, which isn’t my cleverest but of material, but generally gets a decent laugh, and it got no reaction whatsoever.  It was certainly disconcerting.  Although it’s amazing your stuff goes down a storm, it’s still perfectly fine when you get muted laughter, but nothing at all is a nightmare.  It makes you realise how much the material relies on some response from the crowd and that without it your rhythm and timing become completely shot.

I ploughed on with the tweaked “incomplete joke”, but I really didn’t get any reaction from this point onwards.  The nadir of the set came early on into the “personal bit”.  As I was starting off, someone on the front row’s phone fell out of his pocket and onto the floor.  I instictively felt like I should reference it, which I did, but it threw my timing and, combined with the blank faces, I think I made a bit of a hash of the subsequent bit.  Directly following on from this is a part where I start explaining my feelings on something and this builds up into something of a rant, but, by this stage, I was sufficiently put off that it didn’t really flow as it should.  The punchline to that rant, is actually the start of the next bit and that also got no reaction.  It was at this point that I forgot what to say next.

Now, I’ve done this section on stage a number of times and probably at least a hundred times in practice.  I could probably do it in my sleep, but on this occasion it completely disappeared.  The fact that I conscious of how well I knew the bit, somehow made things worse, and less likely that I would remember. I was genuinely panicking but then I kept repeating the line to stall and because it was the thing to do that made me laugh most.  It perhaps wasn’t the best way to react but I kind of liked the honesty and lack of slickness of it.  My mind was also reeling at this point; I couldn’t decide whether to ditch the thread and try and just do something else or whether to try and stick with it.  The decision was made more difficult because the personal bit all flows, so it’s not like I could skip to a later section of it and it still make sense. In hindsight, I should have perhaps just said that I knew it wasn’t working and then dived into my joke book (which I had in my pocket as a security blanket).  But, I didn’t.  Eventually the line came back to me, but the performance was all very half-hearted from then on.  ”Luckily”, I had used so much time up in forgetting that I didn’t have time to try any of “personal bit 2″.  I ended with the play (to little reaction) and was pleased to get off.

When I died in my first handful of gigs, it was soul-destroying. Now that I have slightly more experience and have done a number of successful gigs, it’s still horrible but I’m able to deal with it relatively easily. I think it does dent the confidence a bit, but it’s also a really good leaning experience. It also highlights how much I still have to learn, particularly in how to deal better with cocking up and having different material to fall back on.  The question that always strikes me in this situation is how can material that has worked so well on other occasions fail so badly? (truly baffling)

It struck me last night that the audience members will have left the gig thinking that I’m awful, and they probably would not be able to believe that the same material has worked really well in front of other audiences.  It’s all a very strange business.

Gig 29: Beat The Frog @ Frog & Bucket, Manchester – 23rd January 2012

PRE-GIG:  I thought I’d write a few thoughts prior to this gig since I’m not sure how I feel about it and my opinion is likely to change drastically depending on now it goes.

The last time that I tried a gong show was at Beat The Frog in Preston, way back at the end of September (Gig 12). It didn’t go well; out of 8 acts, 6 lasted the full five minutes, one lasted 3:40 and I lasted 2:09. In retrospect, there were lots of reasons why I didn’t do well: it was only my twelfth gig, I hadn’t done a straight stand up gig for two months and I was completely taken aback by the size of the venue and the brightness of the lights on stage. Oh, and I performed 3 jokes about Dragons’ Den where the joke was that the jokes weren’t very funny.  Not the wisest choice of material under the circumstances.

So, I’ve decided to give it another go, and, even ignoring now badly it went last time, I’m more than a little concerned about it. The conflict with the gong show is that you want to always want to stick to your ‘artistic vision’ (just to make me sound like a complete wanker), but there’s the pressure of having to change it in order to meet the instant approval required.  It’s only natural that you really want to last the distance, so what do you do?

I’ve decided to try and stick to my own style, but have cut out anything too obtuse, especially at the beginning of the set. It will be interesting to see if my increase in experience and confidence as a performer will bear fruit or whether the pressure will get to me.

I genuinely have no idea how I’ll do, so I guess there’s only one way to find out.

POST-GIG:  Let’s cut to the chase, I ‘beat the frog’ and lasted the full five minutes, I got one card (out of 3) held up and I didn’t win the contest.  I’m more than happy with how it turned out.

My set list was essentially the same as Gig 25, only I changed the opening joke for my “stretched cat” one.  I managed to get as far as “Scooby Doo” before my time was up.  While I was undoubtedly nervous, I was also looking forward to giving it a go, and the difference in confidence and stage presence to my previous attempt was like night and day.  The opening joke went down well – I was getting laughs just from how I approached the set-up and was confident enough to take my time with it – and most of the stuff went down well from there.  I was even able to throw in a few of the elusive ad-libs that I’ve been searching for.

The point where I got a card against me was at the “Controversial-Incomplete Joke”.  I’ve done this bit since Gig 2 and I’m very fond of it, even if it doesn’t get that much of a laugh (seeing that sentence written down, does make me wonder why I’ve stuck with it for so long).  I set the “joke” up by saying that it is controversial, but incomplete and I fully deliver on that promise (well, the incomplete part, at least).  I think it’s really funny to leave it unresolved (that’s the actual joke, in my mind), but I was aware enough to know that I should have a way of addressing it for a gong show.  I did this by then pointing out that I knew it wasn’t funny (that bit was ad-libbed) and then telling them the way that several people had suggested I could resolve it (this bit was planned) – 3 separate people have genuinely suggested the same tag line to me – and this got a big laugh.  Although, I’d prefer to leave it unresolved, this experience has made me think about how it could be tweaked, so that I can keep it.

Although it would have been nice to win (since it secures you an 8-minute non-gong spot), I’m really pleased to have done the full five minutes.  At least I know now that I can do it, so that if I try something in the future that gets me gonged off then I won’t feel so bad about it.

Gig 12: Beat The Frog @ Frog & Bucket, Preston – 28th September 2011

Let’s get this out of the way:

Preston. Frog & Bucket. Beat The Frog.  It’s a gong show.  You have to try and last for 5 minutes.  3 audience members are given cards.  If they all hold them up then you’re off.  Last night there were 8 acts.  6 of them managed to “beat the frog”.  I lasted for 2:09 (yes, two minutes and nine seconds).  The other chap who didn’t make it lasted for 3:40.  I was officially, and by some margin, the loser.

It’s been a full two months since my last “straight” stand up gig (see here), and it wouldn’t take an expert to tell you that this is far too long a gap.  So, what better way to get back into the groove than a gong show?  Errrrr…. probably any other way at all.

Stand up is terrifying enough under normal circumstances, but the added danger of being kicked off stage for ineptitude adds a certain spice to the mix.  I had plenty of time to prepare and thought about how to approach it.  I’ve mentioned in previous posts that my openers tend to be a little obtuse, but even I’m not stupid enough to try this in a gong show.  I decided to keep things snappy throughout – and this suited a lot of the new material that I’d come up with (which I was looking forward to trying out).

I got to the venue around half past seven and was a little baffled as there just seemed to be a small bar area (I’d never been before).  It was a few minutes later that I peeked through another door and saw the, already busy, larger room.  There were over a hundred people in attendance and so it was certainly the biggest gig I’d ever played.  The format of the evening was 2 acts (previous winners of BTF) doing 8-minutes each – break – 4 BTF contestants – break – another 4 BTF contestants.  I was the second act on in the final section, following on directly from Clean Dave  - a hard act to follow under any circumstances (more on him later).

I’d been suffering with nerves throughout the day, but they were pretty much under control as I went on stage.  The trickiest part was that, as it was a proper venue, there were very bright lights in the performers face – something I hadn’t really dealt with before.  I was conscious of trying to work out where to look; you want to appear to be engaging the entire audience even though you can only see the front two rows.

I started with my Loyd Grossman joke, which is a out-and-out gag, and which I’ve done a few times before.  It got a groan when I said “keyhole” (which hasn’t happened before, but I actually would have expected it to) but then the actual punchline seemed to get a good enough laugh.  I followed this up with a knock knock joke (with a non-punchline).  I had a bit of trouble getting the lad on the front row to help out with the “who’s there?”, but it seemed to go OK.  I’ve done this joke before, although with a slightly different (non-)punchline.  I then went into a series of 3 new Dragons’ Den jokes.  The idea behind them (and why I find them funny) is that they are ridiculously convoluted.  I did worry beforehand that this idea might be a little obtuse, but since they were still “gags” then I thought I’d try them anyway.  I’d hoped that as each joke progressed the ridiculousness of them would come over.  This plan didn’t work, and I ended up bailing on doing the third one (I just said that I didn’t think I’d bother doing the third).  Apparently I had one card up at this stage.  I then did another new joke (which I think is great) and it seemed to get a decent laugh, but it prompted the other two cards to go up.  It seemed a bit of a strange point for me to get booted off (and Dave also said the same, so it wasn’t just my ego talking), but that was that.

I wish I had held my nerve and gone with the third Dragons’ Den joke.  If my intention was that the jokes weren’t actually that good as jokes, then I should have played up to this idea.  I would have more than likely got carded off at this point anyway, but it’s at least made me think about how to present the material so it comes across as intended.

I think it’s only human to be a little dispirited by the experience.  Not only did I do worst out of the 8 acts, but six of them lasted the full five (two of them being first-timers), so it wasn’t exactly a harsh audience.  It’s hard to think otherwise than that I wasn’t any good.  When people try and console me they’ll suggest that my material isn’t mainstream and so it’s going to be harder for me.  There’s probably some truth in this – I like jokes that don’t quite work and the idea of the act being a bit shambling - but it feels like an easy excuse.

You can try and compare your style of comedy to that of other acts (especially those doing well) and there’s nothing that would make me want to change in an attempt to fit in better.  You can only try and stick to what you find funny and what stimulates you.  Plus, I don’t think I could do it any other way, even if I wanted to.  It’s easy to try and claim that I haven’t taken the easy route (and I don’t know how “different” my material\persona really is, in any case) but I don’t want to use it as an excuse.  If anything it means that I just have to work harder at it and do many, many more gigs.  The hard part is maintaining your “artistic integrity” whilst gaining the ability for that to work on a random room of people.

The highlight of the evening was the emergence of Clean Dave – a new character act by legendary comedian (and Terry Alderton impersonator) Dave Turquoise.  He made me laugh most, and even managed to produce one of my infamous “seal laughs”.  And I’m not just saying that because he’s a mate.

P.s. – His act was only clean by his standards.  I don’t think CBBC will be knocking on his door any time soon.

I’ll end with a worrying thought.   The more open-spots that you see, the more you see acts who you are mystified why they’re persisting with it.  When things go badly, how do you know you’re not one of them?

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