Bobby’s Onion Rings Controversy

January 27, 2012 1 Comment

It’s been a long time since I’ve written about Bobby or any of his delicious snacks.  Far too long.  In my quest for all things Bobby, I had a quick google yesterday and came across this startling Youtube clip about Bobby’s Onion Rings.

Who is this Bobby loving maverick? This video was posted almost 4 years ago, so how is it only coming to light now?  Is it related to the infamous “Snaxgate” debacle?  His claims that the extra 6 pence generated by Bobby’s generous price-cuts will cut through the material in his cheap Asda jeans seems frivolous at best.  Isn’t he taking Bobby and his snacks seriously?? And why claim that Bobby’s helpers won’t respond to his e-mails when they are clearly the most kind, wonderful people in Christendom? It all smells a bit fishy to me.  And I don’t mean the delicious smell given off by Bobby’s Prawn Cocktail Spirals.

If anyone can shed any light on the origins of this video then I’d be eternally grateful.

 

 

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The Asdas Muffin Scandal

September 28, 2011 Leave a Comment

SmartPrice Logo

Image via Wikipedia

My consumer crusade continues:

Dear The Asdas,

There has been something of a mystery within your Warrington Cockhedge superstore and it’s pricing policy vis a vis “muffins”.

Myself, my colleagues and myself have recently been taking advantage of, what we can only describe as, the bragain price of £1 (sterling) for 4 of your delicious muffins.

Consider our surprise when on Monday of this week, we discovered that the said muffin-packs were now subject of a “roll-back” offer to the less-than-bargain price of £1.40. Indeed, the offer suggested that the original price was £1.58! What manner of wizardry is this, I hear you cry?

To add literal insult to metaphysical injury, today (Thursday), just three days after the roll-back “offer” had been introduced, we discover that the said “offer” had been removed. £1.58 for 4 muffins? Are we suddenly living in some kind of dystopian future?

Is there an explanation for this seeming skullduggery? I’m a loyal and proud customer of The Asdas and cannot bear for my shopping experience to be tarnished thusly.

Yours sincerely,

Steven “Asda” Price.

I’m sure you will agree that this is quite the serious matter.  I received the following reply from an Asda representative:

Hello Steven,

Thanks for your email about the muffins which you have been looking to purchase from our Warrington store.

I am sorry to learn of your disappointment as you have found the price of the muffins to have varied so much recently. We are committed towards offering the lowest possible prices, so we would not want to create any confusion to you or your colleagues.

We work hard to keep offering the cheapest prices for the best products. Occasionally, a product price may increase substantially. This happens when the supplier costs have increased and when we are no longer able to maintain the original price of the product. When this happens we look to introduce a ‘Rollback’ to prevent the price impacting our customers too much. This will explain why the price was quickly reduced to £1.40.

‘Rollback’ offers are not permanent and may end at any time. I agree three days is a very short amount of time to have a promotional offer. However, our Buying Team are working hard to reduce the price at the next opportunity. I am confident you will be happy with any future price changes.

We would not want your shopping experience to be tarnished, so I hope my explanation has clarified this matter for you. We do value your loyal custom, and we would still like to welcome you back into the store again. Whilst I appreciate this would have been a disappointing experience for you, I hope my response has gone someway towards restoring your faith in Asda.

Once again, thank you for contacting Asda. If there is anything else I can do to help, please let me know.

Kind regards

***** *******

Hmmmm.  I don’t find this a satisfactory explanation in the slightest.  Despite the representative’s best efforts, there seems to be no acknowledgement of the original £1 pricing.  It’s a good job for The Asdas that my love is deep or we could be looking at a very messy (metaphorical) divorce.  I would reply to the e-mail to demand further information, but it states:

Please do not reply to this email. This is not a monitored inbox and you may not receive a reply.

Like yesterday’s issues with Carphone Warehouse, companies now seem determined to make it difficult to achieve satisfaction.  How long before the people of Britain rise up against this slack tyranny?

I give it 3 days max.

 

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Post Recycling – June 2010

June 6, 2011 Leave a Comment

Jeremy Kyle comfort

Image by talkingimo via Flickr

Hey guys! Since it’s now June 2011, isn’t it only right that I should take a look at the posts I wrote in June 2010?  Of course it is!  Well, strap yourselves in for another exciting installment of Post Recycling.

One of the first posts of the month was Inappropriately Stacked Chocolate, a rare guest contribution to PSGOM from my friend Joanne.  It tells the sorry tale of a vending machine storing Crunchies at such a height that they break when they are vended.  What a cruel world we live in that such a thing could be allowed to happen.  I think a campaign needs to be started to put a halt to such reckless stacking.

People love supernatural stuff, don’t they?  You can’t beat a good, old fashioned spooky photo, I think you’ll all agree. Well, please explain why There’s a Ghost in My Caravan has only had 25 hits in a year. I really thought it would be a wanton hit generator.  Oh, Mr Ghost, have you used your special powers to block people from visiting you?  I wouldn’t put it past you.

P.s.  I know it’s not really a ghost, but it is a cool photo, so check it out, now, the funksho brother.

I’ve written quite a few bonkers romcoms over the years, and it’s nice to revisit them from time to time.  I won’t explain this one, other than it’s called Stories and it’s quite odd.

On June 16th, I wrote quite a scathing attack on Jeremy Kyle aka Negative Energy Vampire.  I know it’s not big, clever or original, but it is true.  Weirdly, later that day, I found out  that Jezza would be visiting the Asda next to where I work, the very next day (You Couldn’t Make It Up).  Did I take this as a sign to go and confront the Beast?  No, of course not.  I actually forgot about his state visit, but even if I hadn’t, I would have gone and pointed and snickered at the most.

This month saw one of my most serious, and cringeworthy, posts, Losing It, in which I discussed losing weight.  Yes, really.  How hideous.  I did it with the right intentions, though, and hoped to inspire others.  So far, I’ve not received any e-mails of thanks, for helping transform somebody’s life.  I live in hope.  For the record, I’ve lost a bit more since this post, and, more impressively, kept it off (although I’m challenging that with the amount of crap I’ve been eating lately).

And that’s all I have to say about that.  See you next month.. or sooner.

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The High Price of Coffee

March 28, 2011 Leave a Comment

I was in Asda the other day and remembered that I needed to buy a jar of coffee.  I headed off to the appropriate aisle and spent several minutes pondering my purchase.  I’m not a coffee connoisseur, by any stretch of the imagination, but I’m not going to resort to any own-brand rubbish.  However I did debate the relative merits of buying standard Nescafe Decaf (yes, I drink decaf, get over it) at £2.75 and the whole spectrum of prices from there to Douwe Egberts Decaf at a crazy price of £3.28.

Could I really justify the extra 53p and go for the pricier option?  Should I pick one of the intermediate products as a compromise?  Maybe I should just go with the Nescafe and not worry about it.  After a painfully long deliberation, I made an absolutely reckless decision and plumped for the Douwe Egberts.  Sure, we’re in the middle of a recession, but you’ve got to treat yourself sometimes.

It was only hours later that it struck me how ludicrous I had been.  I regularly spend £2-3 on a single cup of coffee from one of your modern coffee shops.  Yet, I was reluctant to spend a similar amount on a jar of coffee that would probably last me a couple of months.  My conclusion was that I’m an idiot.

It’s seems obvious now that my deliberations were ridiculous, but it didn’t seem so at the time.  It’s interesting how the mind can compartmentalise things.  Coffee is something of a trivial example, but are there other areas of my spending which are equally illogical?  It’s certainly worth thinking about.

If I think of anything, I’ll let you know.

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How to Spend £624.73 in an Hour

March 28, 2011 Leave a Comment

Steve Jobs while introducing the iPad in San F...

Image via Wikipedia

If some random guy – in a piss poor, but more than welcome, imitation of Brewster’s Millions – gave me $1000 and told me that I had to spend it in an hour, then my course of action is obvious.

I’d drive like a maniac to the nearest electrical goods retailer. Finally, I’d be able to buy an iPad 2, completely guilt free. Of course, the said retailer would be inevitably out of stock and I’d be left feeling more depressed than it’s safe to admit.

With the hour rapidly disappearing, I’d drive to the nearest Asda and stock up on over £600 worth of Corn Flake cakes (let’s just assume they had that many in stock). Sure, it’s a rash decision and is one that will lead to certain obesity, but it would be one hell of a party.

Party on, Wayne.

Party, on, Garth.

Yum.

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Absolute Shower

December 29, 2010 Leave a Comment

I went to the gym yesterday in attempt to burn off some of the Christmas chocolate.  Whilst there, I encountered two breaches of shower etiquette.  Firstly, there was the old man (it’s always an old man), whose washing technique involved bending over and pulling his cheeks apart.  I don’t know if his reasons for this pose were arthritic or purely pervy, but there’s no excuse either way.

The second “incident” happened when I was leaving the shower.  I went to retrieve my towel, leaving my toiletries and locker key on the little tray thing.  Some may argue that I shouldn’t have hogged the shower, but I think it’s perfectly acceptable.  There’s nowhere to put your shower gel near the towel hooks and it’s essential to at least partially dry before returning to the changing room.  Anyway, as I turned to retrieve my things, another man gets under my shower without acknowledging that my stuff is there.  I gingerly approach and say something along the lines, “Excuse me, mate, can I just get my stuff.”  He completely blanked me.  At this point, I had no choice but to reach for my possessions as he showered, and he still didn’t flinch or register my presence, despite a clearly awkward and potentially homo-erotic moment.

There’s no conclusion to this tale other than the following question:  was he ignoring me as an attempt to force me into close proximity, did he ignore me as he was totally freaked out about showered near to other men, or was he just a cock?  I guess we’ll never know.

After my traumatic experiences, I trotted off to Asda (I needed some Corn Flakes, if you must know).  As I passed the George section, I saw a man pointing out a t-shirt to his wife that read: “Who ate all the pies?”, before erupting with a genuine belly laugh.  At that instant, I was simultaneously moved by the simple joy that he was able to glean from this seemingly innocuous item of clothing; whilst also appalled that anyone could think “Who ate all the pies?” was in any way amusing.

It was a very confusing day.

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Tis the Season to be Lazy

December 15, 2010 Leave a Comment

When you have two weeks off work in early December, you’d think that it would be the ideal time to get all your Christmas shopping out of the way.  And you’d be right to think that. It is the absolute ideal time.

You won’t be surprised to learn that in my recent two weeks off work in early December that I did precisely zero Christmas shopping.  I’m really regretting it now.

In my defence, I was extremely busy.  My bed and sofa aren’t going to lie on themselves, are they? If only they would. What a wonderful, magical world it would be.  Beds and sofas in perfect harmony.  Searching for an everlasting peace for this crazy world that we call “the world”.  I digress.

I attempted to start the Chrimbo-shopfest yesterday.  I queued for about 2 minutes in HMV before getting annoyed and giving up?  Why had so many people decided to go CD shopping on a Monday dinnertime?  I could only conclude that it was the actions of a complete cretin, and I felt like telling them all so.  Don’t worry, it doesn’t apply to me; I was buying a DVD.  Anyway, I won’t reveal who it is that isn’t getting a present from HMV anymore, but I’ll apologise to them anyway.  Sorry.

I’d love to say that I had some master plan on how I was going to get all my presents bought, but I don’t.  The old “money in an envelope” option is looking increasingly likely.  Either that or a last minute trolley dash around Asda, frantically buying anything that comes within an inch of being appropriate.

I wish there was some hilarious denouement to this sorry tale, but there isn’t.  I just wanted to get it off my chest.  The whole experience has been so cathartic that I now feel fully comfortable in my shoddiness.

Thanks for listening.

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MBM – 2 for £3

June 24, 2010 Leave a Comment

You can buy 2 bottles of this milk for £3, which would give you a saving of 6p.  This represents a 2% price reduction.  Given the inherent life span of a bottle of milk, in what way does this constitute an offer?

If you don’t know what the Milk Bottle Manifesto is about, then please click here.

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You Couldn’t Make It Up

June 16, 2010 3 Comments

Earlier this afternoon, I wrote a post in which I expressed my disdain for The Jeremy Kyle Show.  You can read it, here.  After work, I popped into Asda next door, and I was shocked to see the following:

Yes, Jezza himself will be making a public appearance right next to where I work, tomorrow!  Is this a coincidence or has he used his occult powers to track me down and make me pay for what I’ve written?  It’s quite, quite disturbing.

Will I take this golden opportunity to confront JK and put all my concerns to him?  Probably not.  Will I nip to Asda and skulk about while giggling at him? Quite possibly.  I’ll keep you informed.

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The Asdas

February 18, 2010 2 Comments

After the roaring success of Tuesday’s post, Waffle, I’ve decided to do it again.  Please don’t ask any questions about the definition of ‘roaring success’, as I won’t tell you.  I will not apologise any longer for my own magnificence.

Anyway, I’ve spent a large chunk of this morning conducting job interviews for new staff.  This has lead me to feel like one of the ‘Dragons’ from Dragons’ Den.  I decided against adopting a Bannatyne persona, as this would have been grossly unfair.  Instead I went down the Theo Paphitis route of prefixing every question with: ‘Hi, my name’s Steven.’  Of course, I didn’t actually do that as I didn’t want to look completely mental.

I don’t know what delights await me this afternoon, other than there being a good chance that I’ll end up in Asda later (or ‘the Asdas’, as it is known in some parts).  I wish that they’d offer some kind of loyalty card – one based on the frequency of visits rather than the amount of stuff that is bought – as I’d make an absolute fortune.  My regular attendance is largely due to working right next door to it,  it’s not like I have some weird fetish or OCD-based reason for my semi-residence.  NOTE: Can any potential stalkers please disregard the previous statement – I don’t want to give you any clues as to my whereabouts.

I was in the Asdas a few days ago and, when I was leaving, a woman came running after me shouting ‘Stop! Stop!’.  I froze like a rabbit in the headlights, expecting to be rugby-tackled to the floor for being an incorrectly identified shoplifter.  She just wanted to give me my umbrella back, which I had left at the counter.  To say that I felt like a moron is an understatement.  I’m really not very good at remembering umbrellas, I’m thinking of getting one surgically attached.

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