STILL NOT Gig 106: The Worst Comedy Night in Salford @ The King’s Arms, Salford – 23rd April 2013

Yeah, so I still wasn’t well (see NOT Gig 106) when this came around and so it was another one that I missed.  It’s frustrating because I hate having to cancel gigs; I don’t feel like I do enough, anyway.  To make matters worse,  the previous TWCNiS (Gig 104) was completely crazy (in a good way) and I really wanted to be there.

Right, well I know it looks a bit insane to write a blog post that’s two sentences about a gig I didn’t actually do.  Actually, I don’t know if it looks insane so much as it looks completely self indulgent.  As much as I’d like people to read this blog for (hopefully) interesting pieces about my experiences in comedy, there’s also a large part of it that is a reference book so I know what I have (and haven’t done).  Anyway, that’s enough self-justification.  It’s my blog and I’ll write what I want to.

P.S.

I’m back in work now (it’s the 30th April), so you can all breathe a collective sigh of relief.  I had to turn down a gig for this week because I wasn’t sure that I would have been able to make it.  Complete hairy balls.  Oh well, hopefully normal service will now resume.

NOT Gig 106: Comedy Night @ The Orford, Warrington – 17th April 2013

In my last post – Gig 105 – I told you how I wasn’t feeling very well.  The very next day, I went to work and almost immediately went home because I felt awful.  It was also the day of this gig which, obviously, I had to cancel.  I felt terrible having to let down the organisers at such short notice, but it couldn’t be helped.

That’s pretty much all I have to say.  This post is very much for my “records”.  Yes, I have records.

Gig 101: SOS Comedy @ 3MT, Manchester – 2nd March 2013

According to George Orwell, my 101st gig would be the worst gig in the world.  Well, guess what? It wasn’t the worst gig in the world, not by a long chalk. Screw you, Orwell.

The plan for this month’s SOS Comedy was this:  I had the idea for a new Gold and Brass sketch immediately after the last show (Gig  96), so that proved relatively easy to write,  and Lee Fenwick had written another sketch in which I was going to play one of the characters.  I had a couple of train journeys to Edinburgh (Gig 100) in which to learn both scripts, so everything was sorted.

I found out on Friday afternoon that, due to unforeseen circumstances, we wouldn’t be able to do the sketches.  I had to think of something else to do, and in the absence of a completely new, hilarious character act, I knew I’d have to go with something largely pre-existing.  I quickly settled on a version of the Simeon Gold’s solo act (last seen in Gig 71).  Simeon is a slightly different character when done solo, so I wanted to make him more like the Gold and Brass version (although, I don’t think I could describe what the difference is).  I also wanted to come up with a new introduction to address his membership of G&B’s theatre group.

On Saturday morning, I was struck by the idea of Terry Dowling doing a bunch of my more recent ‘joke book’ jokes (similar to Terry’s original incarnation as Den Kodd).  I quickly compiled a list of jokes, identified as keywords, and that was pretty much it.  I did a couple of run throughs just to make sure I could tell the joke from a keyword only, and planned to just take the list on stage with me.  As Terry is an awful comedian, it seemed to fit in that he would have to refer to his notes.  I decided to open with a version of “Revolutionary Era France” (a stupid shaggy dog story).  The way I usually tell this bit is too intelligent for Tez, so I had to tweak it to match his particular style.

For Simeon, I settled upon 3 tried and tested plays:  Spies Like Us, Bertie’s Speech and One Day in Liverpool.  I also threw in Walls Have Ears, which previously has only appeared at Gig 97.  On that occasion, I just read it out from paper and it wasn’t in character, so I felt I was at least treading some new ground with the act.

I still felt a bit under-prepared upon arrival at the venue.  It wasn’t so much that I thought I’d forget anything, but rather that I didn’t know exactly what I was going to do.  Thankfully, both acts went well.  Simeon appeared in the first half and I performed it more fluidly than I thought I would.  Terry was on in the second half and because he’s supposed to be rubbish, there was plenty of scope for messing around and using the moments where I genuinely cocked up.

Overall it was a really useful gig.  It was good to know that I was able to pull together two acts at short notice, and that they actually worked.

P.s.

I’ve probably got a few more things to say, but I’m not going to.  I’m having one of those moments where I feel really self-conscious about how annoying  and awful these blog posts are.  Ironically, the fact that I’m bailing on it rather than fleshing it out actually makes it a worse read.  Oh, the irony.

Gig 100: Laughing Horse New Act of the Year Quarter Final @ The Beehive Inn, Edinburgh – 28th February 2013

28th February 14:08 – On the train

Is there a more fitting way to commemorate my 100th gig by travelling to Edinburgh to perform? Erm, I don’t know.  100 is only deemed a number of note because we happen to have ten fingers.  If you take that into account then you realise that it has no more significance than any other number. As such, it’s probably not appropriate to commemorate it in any manner.  So there.

With the humbuggery out of the way, I’ll tell you about my upcoming gig.  You may remember that I progressed in the Laughing Horse New Act of the Year competition in Gig 94, so it is for the quarter final that I am heading North.

Most of the quarter finals are down in that London, but I’ve got friends (Tim and Ellie) in Edinburgh so it seemed an ideal opportunity to combine the gig with a visit.  Luckily, I was able to swap my original offer of a London date for this and that’s why I find myself sat on a train.

I’ve decided to go pretty much with the same set as I’d used in the heats, so I spent the early part of this journey pulling the bits together and having a run through (in my head).  I think it makes sense to go with familiar material when you’ve a) only got 5 minutes and b) you’re being judged.

Yes, I am travelling to Scotland to do 5 minutes.  Yes, I know it seems mental, but this is the world of stand up comedy and it’s perfectly normal. Don’t worry.

Anyway, it’s a beautiful day, so I’m going to enjoy the view, listen to a few podcasts, and, oh yeah, probably run through my material again.

2nd March 10:26 –  On my sofa

So, let’s get it out of the way: I didn’t go through to the next round.

I was met at the station by Tim at half past four.  I had to be at the venue at 7:45, so we had plenty of time to drop my bag back at his place, get some tea and catch up.  The plan went somewhat awry. By the time we’d stopped for a coffee, taken a leisurely stroll to the flat and had a cup of tea (we’re not barbarians), we hadn’t really left enough time to get over to the other side of town and to stop for food.  Worry not, food fans, all was not lost.  The venue sold food, so, you know, we ate there.  Yeah, I know.  Not the greatest anecdote, but it is true.  We didn’t have long to eat, though, so my superhumanly fast consumption of ham, egg and chips did mean that I’d have to endure some pretty impressive indigestion.  Lovely.

The gig was held in the classic “room above a pub”, which held about 50, but with an actual audience of about 12.  It was strange to compare it to my heat in Bury which had been a surprisingly large venue, which was full with an audience of over a hundred.  It felt slightly anti-climatic, but I was still looking forward to performing (despite the indigestion).  There were 11 acts on the bill (out of a scheduled 14), so the night was split into 3 sections. I was on third in the middle bit.

The set I had settled on was:

“This shifty looking bloke came up to me…”
Joke Book
Moves Like…
Arnie from Wigan
One Day in Liverpool

In the heat I’d also used “Telephone Books”, but I cut this for time.  I guess I must have overran by quite a bit in Bury.  One of the main features of this performance was just how aware of the time I was, and how this affected me.  My opening bit worked as planned :  it starts out being a bit ambiguous as to where it’s going, which helps heighten the audience’s reaction when I reach the punchline.

I usually segue into “Joke Book” by using the device of playing up the audience’s uncertainty of the opening section.  I’ve become less comfortable with this approach because as I’ve learned to deliver the material better, it works with the audience better and so I’m increasingly working off an audience reaction that isn’t there.  I think this is the first time where I’ve felt overly conscious of it, and so my transition into telling the jokes didn’t feel real.

From this moment on, I always felt a fraction off.  Some of the bits of material didn’t quite get the same reaction that they usually would and it felt like a constant battle to keep on top of it.  What made this more difficult was the pressure of keeping to 5 minutes.  It’s generally good practice to make your spots the length that they’re supposed to be, but this is even more true in a competition where you can have points deducted or even be disqualified if you overrun.  Because I knew I was already cramming my material into my allotted time, I didn’t feel like I could let my act properly breathe, as I usually would, to get things back on track.

This isn’t to say that I went down badly with the audience, and I did get laughs in most of the right places.  There were a couple of points that didn’t get the laugh they usually do, but I was able to pull this back with an additional line.  However, if I compare myself to Bury, which was the same set under similar circumstances, I know that I wasn’t as good.

The votes were counted and four acts went through to the semi finals.  As you know, I wasn’t one of them.  Deep down I wasn’t really bothered, but as the names were read out, I felt an unexpected pang of disappointment.  I suppose it’s only natural.  It’s really hard to judge how it went.  I felt like I got lots of laughs, which was confirmed by Tim and Ellie (who I am assuming weren’t just humouring me), but I clearly wasn’t liked that much by the audience.  If I had been on top of my game it’s possible that the outcome would have been different, but we’ll, obviously, never know.

Anyway, I had a lovely time in Edinburgh. It was great to see my friends and throw a gig into it for good measure.  As I came off stage, I felt really aware of where I hadn’t been great and where it could have been improved.  Hopefully this is a sign of me developing as a comic and something I can use to improve.

NOT Gig 75: SAS Comedy @ Lass O’Gowrie, Manchester – 18th August 2012

English: Gary Barlow onstage at a Take That co...

Gary “Gazza” Barlow.

So, I’ve finally got all my Edinburgh-related posts out of the way and I STILL have to mention it.  Annoying.

Saturday 18th was our final day in Edinburgh and the morning was spent eating cake (see here).  Our train back to the promised land (i.e North West England) was at two o’clock and, all being well, we’d get home just after 6.  At which point I’d have an hour or so before having to go out again to do SAS Comedy.  If it was any other gig then I might have felt a smidgen of annoyance at having to summon the energy to go back out, but this was SAS and I was well up for it.

I was supposed to be doing two spots; Terry Dowling, which I had been planning to do at last month’s cancelled gig (NOT Gig 67), and a resurrection of Gary Barlow, in order to fit in with the night’s summer festival theme (he’s a musician).  I was pretty confident that I knew all of Terry’s “set”, but it had been ages since I’d last “done” Gazza, so I intended to use the train journey to learn it.  Although this wasn’t ideal – I wouldn’t be able to practice out loud – I was able to get back into the material pretty quickly, and even came up with a couple of new bits.  Unsurprisingly, the train was delayed, meaning that we missed the connecting train.  As a result, we only got home at quarter past seven, so I had to pretty much go out straight away.   It all ended up being a bit of a rush, but, as I’ve already said, it’s worth it to perform at SAS.

Only I didn’t get to perform at SAS, as you probably guessed by this being NOT Gig 75.   Like last month, this was purely down to a lack of audience. It probably didn’t help that the gig had been postponed by a week, but there was also nobody in the pub.  When I checked downstairs at around quarter to nine, there were literally 3 people in the place.  By the time we gave up at about twenty past nine, that had swelled to around 10 people.   Hardly a bustling Saturday night.  It was annoying, to say the least.

On the bright side, I had spent a bit of time getting familiar with both Terry’s and Gazza’s sets, so it should be easier for me to get into them when I eventually get around to performing them.  On the less bright side, this continues my incredible Jonahesque gig-killing prowess.  I’ll be honest, that’s one particular stand-up skill that I didn’t want learn.

Gig 64: Spotlight @ The Storey, Lancaster – 15th June 2012

English: Sir Cliff Richard, portrait

Friday night saw me make my third appearance at Spotlight; a live-writing venue in Lancaster dedicated to bringing new and different writing, performers, readers and musicians to the stage. (I took that description from Spotlight’s web-site, as I wasn’t sure how to describe it).  I first heard about the night via Penella Mellor (winner of this month’s Magical Animals – Gig 62) back in October.  She just happened to mention it in passing and I jumped on it – desperate for any sort of gig – and e-mailed the organisers.  I was duly booked in for an open spot in November (Gig 20).

It seemed like a bit of a long drive for a 5-minute spot at a gig which I didn’t really know anything about, but I was excited to try my hand at a spoken-word night other than Magical Animals.  And I was able to recycle some material I’d tried at M.A. (plus some new stuff), which, you know, was a bonus.  At that stage, I didn’t even know for sure whether I should count this type of night as an “official” gig  - which, in hindsight, seems ridiculous – but I had fun performing, and it went well.  It went well enough for me to be asked back as featured performer in an upcoming event.

My second appearance came in January (Gig 28).  Having a 10-minutes for a non-stand up spot felt like a luxury.  I decided to combine a few jokes, one of my “short plays” and then a bunch of different things taken from The World of Sherby57; stories, poems and “essays”.  Again, performing in front of an audience whose primary goal wasn’t to laugh was very liberating, and, ironically, aided me in making them laugh.  As I wrote at the time:

…it was probably the most confident and relaxed that I’ve been on stage.  I know need to think of a way for me to translate this freedom onto my straight stand up sets, as I think it would really mark a big improvement in my performances.

Thankfully, I had done well enough to be asked back again.  Which leads me to last night.  I decided to stick to the same format as I had used in Gig 28, a kind of mix between stand up and reading out short bits of writing.  I decided not to do any repeats from last time, but luckily I had enough stuff to choose from on TWoS57.  As I was either a) doing stuff I was familiar with, or b) reading aloud, I didn’t do loads of prep.  I did have a quick polish of the blog posts to make sure they flowed properly and to add an extra joke or two, and I also had a few run throughs of the bits I wouldn’t be reading.  I was nice and relaxed at the venue and itching to get on stage.  My set was:

“This really shifty bloke came up to me…” followed by joke book variant: “these are definitely jokes” – This was pretty much the same set-up as Gig 63, but limited to 5 jokes, and 2 of those were brand new.

Sideburns – A stupid cop story.

A re-write of the lyrics to Just a Little by Liberty X – Silly poem.

Cliff Richard and his mate – A new bit of stand up

Doug Up – A story

You don’t like… – Sort of a poem, but generally just daft.

I had another couple of bits that I had to drop due to the time.

Bertie’s Speech – Having performed “One Day in Liverpool” the last time I appeared here, I decided to go with another of Simeon Gold’s excellent plays.

In total I was on stage for 12-13 minutes and the time flew.  As last time, I was really relaxed, which allowed me to access my “natural funny” (and daftness), which I think came through in the performance.  I think this was due to more than just not feeling the pressure of a comedy audience, but had a lot to do with the type of material I was able to choose.  An example of how this worked was during Doug Up.  The start of the story got lots of laughs, and I was able to add to this through my reactions towards it.  However, it was probably a little long and I felt it (and the audience) tailing off a bit as it progressed.  I instinctively started to act bored with the story, making a big deal about skimming through the ending, which won the audience back around.  The whole performance felt very clearly like the path I should be following.

In my write up of Gig 63, I mentioned once again my need to re-write my “Personal Bit”.  I wonder if part of the problem is that as a chunk of material, despite having bits I like, it just isn’t a natural fit for me (although, part of me thinks that I should keep it in for that very reason). It’s certainly is something to think about when I get around to the re-write.

The main question is how (and if) I can make this slight change in direction work in front of a less forgiving audience (i.e. one that’s demanding lots of gags).  I guess the only way to answer that is to try it, work on it and then try it again.

Gig 54: Beat The Frog @ Frog & Bucket, Manchester – 7th May 2012

Pre-gig:

In an incredibly exciting and innovative blogging feature, I’m writing this bit in the venue before the show starts. This is an artistic decision and has nothing to do with me having an hour to kill and there not being anybody here that I know.

So, I’m back at Beat the Frog – this time in Manchester – less than a week after my last attempt.  Last Wednesday, over in Preston (Gig53), I miraculously managed to last the entire five minutes. This was accompanied by a tortuously long diary post explaining the pros and cons of the gong format in tedious detail.  Even with all those thoughts fresh in my mind, I still don’t quite know how I feel about tonight.  I’ve only competed at Manchester BTF once before (Gig 29) and I lasted the full five minutes (but I didn’t win).  Because it took me until my fourth attempt to  beat the frog in Preston, this has lead me to feel – quite possibly erroneously – that I’m more suited to the Manchester audience. I guess we’ll soon see how true that is.

The only other thing to note is that I feel a bit out of sorts this evening (I won’t be any more specific than “toilet trouble”) and I’m not sure how that’s going to affect me.  I do have a vague feeling of wanting to go home to bed, but I’m sure that will go away when it’s time for me to get on stage.

There’s still half an hour to go before show time and there’s already a healthy audience in attendance.  The format of the evening is 2 comics doing 8-minute non-gong spots, then two sections of BTF.  I’m on first in the second gong section, which is usually a good spot on the running order.

Ah – there is someone in tonight that I know (hi Zena), so I’ve just been talking to her.  One of the unforeseen (positive) side effects of performing comedy is turning up at events and randomly bumping into people you know.  I never thought I’d be the sort of person who that happened to.

Anyway, they’ve just announced that it’s 10 minutes until show time, so I suppose I’d better have a look through my index card of nonsense and attempt to get my head in the right place.

Post-gig:

After writing the last part of the post I became surprisingly nervous.  I think this is due to two main reasons:

1)  As I mentioned in my write-up of Gig 53, BTF is a really long night for the acts.  You’re hanging around for a long time, waiting to be directly judged by the audience.  I think it’s natural to feel some nerves, unless you really don’t care whether you last the five minutes or not.

2)  I don’t like to say this for danger of sounding like a prick, but I think I get extra nervous when I see clearly very inexperienced acts lasting for 3-5 minutes and I don’t feel confident that I’ll do better.   If you don’t do as well as acts that are in their first handful of gigs, then it’s going to make you look and feel bad.

As usual, the nerves disappeared by the time I got on stage, but, sadly, I got gonged off after 3 – 4 minutes (it’s really difficult to judge how long you’ve been up there and they don’t seem to tell you any more).  So, I was erroneous in believing that I was better suited to the Manchester audience and I was beaten by some of the inexperienced acts.  It’s a little dispiriting, to say the least.  However, the real problem is that I really don’t know how to judge how it went.  I felt confident in my delivery, and was performing my material how I wanted to.  I also thought it was going over OK with the audience, but this was clearly wrong.

So, I’m back to not knowing whether I should do Beat the Frog again.  Either the audience generally aren’t into what I do, or I’m deluded about what it is I’m doing.  Or both.  I could decide to stop flogging a dead frog and concentrate on other types of gig, or I could persevere and try and work out how to win them round.   One option sounds like giving up and the other like torture (I’ll let you work out which one is which).

Anyway, I’m tired and should probably sleep on it.  And really, I’ve got the luxury of having lots of sleeps on it.

Good night x

Gig 46: Can’t Sing, Can’t Dance, Don’t Care Open Mic @ The Gillygate, York – 4th April 2012

Sunday: Chortlon! Monday: Leeds! Tuesday: Tyldesley!  Where would Wednesday take me on my exotic tour of the North?  It would take me to York.  The clue was in the title of the post, wasn’t it?  If it came as a surprise, then you’re really not paying attention.

As I’ve been off work all this week, I was able to combine this gig with a stop over for the night, mooching around fudge shops and a trip to Betty’s Tea Rooms.  The combination of spending most of the afternoon on a slow moving motorway (caused by snow…stupid country) followed by traipsing around shops meant that I was knackered by early evening and without much time to prepare.  Luckily, I was going to be performing the exact same set as the night before (Gig 45), so I didn’t really need to do much prep.

The venue was the classic “small room in the back of an old man’s pub” and felt just about right for my mood.  There were six acts performing on the night and I was on last.  As already mentioned, I did exactly the same set as the night before.  The only notable difference was that I managed to get my “telephone books” bit in, that I’d wimped out of the previous day.  Thankfully it got a laugh, but it was interesting that the laugh only came because I left a long enough pause after delivering it.  The Pause is a weapon that I’m learning to deploy more and more effectively as my confidence and delivery improve.  I think it’s probably a natural instinct, when you first start performing, to rush onto the next bit of material if an immediate laugh doesn’t come.  Having the instinct and nerve to wait for it to come is something I think you can only get with practice.

I also managed to wring out more laughs from my Dennis Hollyoaks story.  Partly this was due to me having more confidence that the audience might get it, but I think it was largely because I threw in more asides as I read it out.  My “personal bit” still appears to be a conundrum, but I think I need to sit down and try a re-write of the whole segment before I can really pass judgement.

Overall, it was neither the best or worst gig that I’ve ever done, but it went well enough for me to not feel depressed, and I felt like I learned something from the experience.  If you want to request a spot at this gig, click here.

Gig 31: Beat The Frog @ Frog & Bucket, Preston – 1st February 2012

So it was time again for Beat The Frog – the superior frog-based, comedy gong-show.  Last week I successfully lasted the full 5 minutes at the Manchester BTF (Gig 29), but this was my first return to Preston BTF since September last year (Gig 12).  If you want to know the format of the night then follow either of those links.

I had decided to do pretty much the same material that I performed in Manchester, but with a few minor tweaks; I removed a joke that was based on a 1980′s reference and added in a stupid impression (more on that later).  I had the running order sorted and it was all material I was familar with, so I felt confident that I knew what I was doing, even though I wasn’t confident of beating the Frog.

The venue was already bustling when I arrived and on an initial scan of the audience I thought there was a good chance that my stuff wasn’t going to play particularly well.  The vibe was one of people out for a general night out with a bit of free entertainment thrown in, rather than one who had specifically sought out comedy for the love of it.  I’m not currently at a level where I can convince this sort of crowd that my penchant for jokes that appear to be bad and\or that fail is done on purpose rather than through ineptitude.  My instincts seemed to be proved correct based on the reaction to the first few comics on (who were non-gong), and which of their material the audience went for (and, more pertinently, which bits they didn’t).

Although I thought my chances of success were slim, I didn’t let it deter me and just went for it as I normally would. I started my set with some of the usuals: “stretched cat”, “this really shifty looking bloke came up to me” and “can’t fight the moonlight”. There was a mixed reaction – as is often the case – with some people were going for it, some sitting blankly and with a few people “ribbiting” in an attempt to get me gonged\frogged off.  The next bit I decided to do was something I hadn’t tried since Gig 2, where it didn’t really work, but  it was something I thought I might be able to sell better now. This is the bit that got me gonged off.  As I’m unlikely to perform it again, I’ll reproduce it in it’s entirity to allow discussion:

(Normal voice) I’m going to have to lighten the mood now, so I’m going to do some impressions. Everybody loves impressions. I’ll be honest, I’m not an expert, but I’m going to give it a go. Who is this?

(Bruce Forsyth voice) You were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off. (pause). You’re a big man, but you’re out of shape…but didn’t he do well? (pause). My name…is Michael Caine….alright, my love?

(Normal voice) It was Michael Caine. As I say, I’m not an expert…

And that was that (they didn’t say how long I lasted but I would guess between 2 and 3 minutes).  Now, you know the bit doesn’t really work when your girlfriend asks you “what the fuck was that bit about?” So, you know, I’m happy that the audience made the right decision. To clarify the intention of the “joke”: I thought it would be funny if I did an impression which was supposed to be one person but just had the voice of someone else.  It made me laugh, anyway.

I don’t blame the audience at all for my demise, I just wasn’t giving them what they wanted. The questions that arise from this are: a) am I able to give them what they want, and b) do I actually want to give them what they want?  Undoubtedly I have a long way to go in my development as a performer and my material can get much stronger, but barring a drastic change in direction, will doing this kind of gig help or hinder my development?

I’m next booked in for Preston BTF on March 7th.  I’ve no idea how I’m going to approach it, but it should, at least, be interesting.

The Gravy Boat 28: Spooky Halloween Quiz

Welcome to a special spooky edition of The Gravy Boat.  Vic McGlynn interviews Britain’s number one paramentalist, Bob Crowling, on BBC Radio Leeds. Oh, and there’s a spooky halloween quiz, with questions provided by the spirits themselves.

(You can read more about it, here)

You can listen to it on iTunes here: http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?id=340803894

Or, if you prefer, you can just listen to it here:

http://thegravyboat.podbean.com/2011/11/02/the-gravy-boat-28-halloween-quiz/

Or, if like me, you have got rid of your iPhone and have realised how great Google Reader\Listen is, the RSS feed is:

http://thegravyboat.podbean.com/feed/

Woooooooo!  Watch out, there’s a ghost in my house! (not literally)

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