Nineteen Eighty-Facebook

Image representing Facebook as depicted in Cru...

Image via CrunchBase

Earlier today, I posted the following on Facebook:

Mark my words, if the human race is ever subjugated in a 1984-style dystopian future(\past) then it will definitely happen because of Facebook.

Not that I want to sound like a conspiracy nut or anything.

Now,  I accept that this will come across as me being unnecessarily snarky, so I thought I’d attempt to try and explain myself.

First things first.  Yes, I closed my original Facebook account in May 2010 (see here).  My reasons for leaving essentially boiled down to not really liking it very much.  I commemorated a year’s absence here, where I said:

Just because you don’t like something doesn’t make it awful, and it’s obvious that millions of people love Facebook.  That’s fine, but you’ve got to admit that there’s something a bit creepy about it…

Yet, exactly a month later I had rejoined.  So why the turnabout?

Essentially, Facebook is now so ubiquitous as a form of communication that it is the only way of keeping in touch with certain people, events and organisations.  With my recent foray into stand-up comedy needing me to stay in touch with what’s going on, my non-Facebook position rapidly became untenable.  So I swallowed my pride and signed up; ensuring that I locked my account down, didn’t enter any personal information and not adding friends willy-nilly.  Then I did something I hadn’t done during my first tenure: I engaged with it.

Part of my original problem with Facebook was that my feed was so full of stuff that I wasn’t interested in, that I felt completely disconnected.  This was probably due to indiscriminately adding people that I went to school with (or, more accurately, at the same time as).   This time around was different.  I’ve added people that I’ve perhaps only met once or twice (likely at a comedy gig), but they’re at least people I have something in common with, and who have something to say that I might be interested in.  I found myself ‘liking’ and commenting on other people’s statuses and coming to the conclusion that “maybe it’s not that bad, after all.”

So, when I suggested that Facebook might one day enslave mankind, I did not do this from the position of a hater, or someone attempting to appear cool by bashing something that everyone likes.  It was actually a semi-serious concern.  I’ve always had a nagging feeling in the back of my head when it comes to FB, principally: “why do they need all this information about me?”  I cringe with the amount of personal information that some people fill their profiles with – which is their choice – from the mundane “Joe Bloggs like Custard Creams” to the deeply personal “Joe Bloggs is now single”.  I’m deeply suspicious when the Facebook app on my phone periodically pops up asking for my phone number – popping up with the number pre-filled and in such a way that you might click OK before you realise what you’ve done.  Why?  Why do you want my phone number, Mark Zuckerberg?

In reality, it’s clearly all about advertising.  Facebo0k is the biggest database of personal information ever collated (OK, I don’t know this for a fact, but it must be, right?) and it’s owned by a company.  They’re going to have to make money somehow, so the more they know about you, the more they can target advertisements at you.  The more targeted an advert is, the more effective it is for the advertiser and so the more FB can charge for it.  Facebook then has the incentive of driving everything they can through their site to ensure that they have the maximum target audience and the maximum number of things they know about you.

Now, maybe this is the price you have to pay for a free service that millions of people love and has so many benefits.  But I don’t think it’s unreasonable to at least feel a little uneasy about any organisation holding so much information about so many people.  Facebook’s strategy seems to be becoming ever increasingly engrained into daily life.  Where does that end?  Probably just in you being bombarded with eerily accurate commercials.  But, at the rate things are going, before too long, the only way you could hope to take over the world would be by using Facebook and it’s intricately entwined life-tendrils.

Am I being too dramatic?

 

Lady Popular

 

So, I was just having a browse around the Google Chrome Web Store, as you do, looking for games.  I happened across the intriguingly titled “Lady Popular”, which is “a fun free online fashion game for girls”.  Sure, I’m not exactly the target demographic, but I thought I’d investigate further.  The game’s official description says:

Every girl dreams to become a smart, talented and successful woman.

Well, I’m not, and never have been, a girl, but this seems a fairly reasonable statement.  But how is it going to help you achieve your dreams?

You will have your own virtual Lady, take care of her everyday needs, educate her and make sure she will do a fantastic career. You can fully customise her look– different make-up, hair styles, skin colour and thousands of fashionable clothes.

Changing your skin colour is the only way you can become a successful woman.  In addition, you can play mini-games, such as The Disco, where you can:

dance, party, have fun, flirt and get a boyfriend

Hey, if you can’t get a boyfriend, ladies, then consider yourself a loser.  But, that’s not all you can do in Lady Popular.  Other features allow you to:

run in the park, get a pet, find a job, have a medical examination, visit the bank, or go to your apartment and just have a nap!

Fantastic! Get your legs in those virtual stirrups, girls, and have yourself a simulated medical exam.  But, hey, this is just the official blurb and those guys are biased, right?  Well, here are some excerpts from user reviews:

  • This a fun game for girls but I would recommend it to older girls (13+) because there are a few things like boyfriends, plastic surgery, flirting and ‘sexy underwear’ which might influence them in the wrong way.
  • You can pay for this game by buying diamonds which is one of the currencies. (There are 2 currencies – dollars and diamonds) This is called a PREMIUM account, and you get, apparently, better deals etc. I don’t know if it is as great as it sounds, as I am not a premium member.
  • For the Breast surgery, it says ‘Make sure you check if you want to do breast surgery because you may not want the results you will see. It also cost an awful lot.’
  • If you want to be anything other than white, you have to go to the Solarium and get a tan, which makes no sense. Last I checked, non whites are not whites with a tan =/
  • this game is identical to lady bimbo, the exact same. i didn’t find lady bimbo all that much fun, and i don’t find this all that much fun. if u don’t believe me go search lady bimbo up and u will see, IDENTICAL.
Remarkable.
Hey, don’t take my word for it.  You can play Lady Popular yourself, if you click here.

BBC Radio Pub Quiz 2

Dolph Lundgren taken at the AIR AMERICA movie ...

Image via Wikipedia

So, last night, incredibly, I was allowed back onto BBC Radio Yorkshire to perform, yet another, weird pub quiz.  The show was hosted by my good friend, and radio legendress, Vic “Don’t call me Glynn” McGlynn.  She’s very good for putting up with me.

Before the quiz, we discussed topics as diverse as CJ from the Eggheads, my self-help tips and Warrington Walking Day.  It was a literal cornucopia of facts.  After the quiz, we discussed Dolph Lundgren.  It was a varied show, to say the least.

You can listen to the show for the next 7 days, here:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/console/p00gwztw

I appear from 1:04:00 onwards. Enjoy the quizzage.

Take That: A Message From Gary

Warning: There is a chance that this isn’t actually the real Gary Barlow. Apologies for any confusion caused.

Ramsay Loves Gravy

Note: This video is for entertainment purposes only and in no way represents the opinions of the real Gordon Ramsay. In fairness, this technically in no way constitutes an impression due to the highly inaccurate voice used. But it amused me in its crapness, so I put it on anyway. Please don’t take my lack of vocal dexterity as any indication of my ability to write blog posts.

iPad Tranche

Image representing iPad as depicted in CrunchBase

Image via CrunchBase

So, it’s probably about time that I wrote a post about my iPad.  It seems perverse not to since a) I wrote so much about them when I wasonly thinking about buying one; and b) it’s now the most important thing in my life.

It’s probably a bit late in the day to write a full review.  You all either already know everything there is to know about them, or you don’t care.  Instead, I’ll take a look back at some of the stuff I’ve previously written about the glorious device and see where I was right and where I was wrong.

iThink iWant an iPad – 10th June 2010

I wasn’t sure at first, but I think that it would be the ideal for how I generally use the web when I’m at home: sat on the couch, reading web pages, writing e-mails and updating Twitter.  There’s even a nice WordPress app for blogging.  I really think I’d get a lot of use out of it.  The main thing that has put me off so far has been the price.

I was right, it is ideal for how I generally use the web.  It’s frightening just how freaking right I can be sometimes.  The price is still an issue, but just buy one, get it out of the way and then forget about it.  It’s a technique that’s worked really well for me.

You can guarantee that Apple will release an iPad2 in a year’s time – if not sooner, as they did with the original iPhone. I think I’d be pretty gutted to be stuck with the inferior device.

I waited. They did release an iPad 2. It’s awesome.  Facetime me, yeah?

My other reservation is that I really object to paying the £100 extra for the 3G version, but if you don’t then you lose the whole mobile aspect.  It is possible to use a “mifi” device – a small 3G dongle that provides mobile wifi – and these start at around £50.  This sounds great, but you’re still getting tied in to yet another data tariff and I don’t know that I’d get value for money out of it.

I opted for the 16 Gb, wifi-only version.  You can now create a mobile wifi hotspot using Android phones (which I have) or an iPhone.  I’m also with 3, so the tethering data comes as part of my bundle.  There doesn’t seem any point in paying extra for the 3G version.  To be honest, I’ve not even needed to try tethering it to my phone yet, so it’s not really an issue.

iThink iStill Want an iPad…Possibly – 29th June 2010

My doubts crept in when I realised the importance that portability has to the iPad concept.  The version that I used was 3G enabled and it seemed to make perfect sense.  Although, I know that I’d still use a wifi-only version a lot, it seems like a massive compromise to make.  In my previous post, I mentioned the option of buying a MiFi dongle and using this to connect when out and about.  Although it’s a slightly cheaper option – £50 for the dongle as opposed to £100 extra for the official 3G version – it also represents an awful lot of faff.  The beauty of the iPad should be its simplicity.  Would you really want to have to carry this other thing around with you all the time?  I know that it seems a trivial thing to have to do, but even thinking about it makes it seem tiresome.

As it turns out, I was worrying about a complete non-issue.

The iPad’s appeal lies in something that’s difficult to put a price on.  It is “instantly on” and has none of the annoying waiting associated with Windows.  The screen feels the perfect size for reading web pages on, whereas the experience feels cramped and awkward on a netbook – even though they are the same size.  Being able to orientate the screen really pays off in this context.  When typing an e-mail, the on-screen keyboard fills half of the screen, yet the experience feels more engaging than on a netbook.  Being able to hold the keyboard-less iPad like a book to read web sites makes it feel a lesiurely pursuit, rather than feeling cramped over a comedy mini-laptop.  How much is this usability really worth?

The usability is worth every penny, that’s how much.  Owning an iPad has only confirmed just how lovely it is to use on a day-to-day basis.

Boring Blog Stats – June 2010 – 1st July 2010

Will there be a third post on this riveting subject?

Yes. Yes, there will.

Somewhat shockingly, the post There’s a Ghost in my Caravan didn’t get into the top 3.  I thought this would be a hit generator of the highest order as it contains an exclusive photo of a ‘ghost’.  It’s one of the more convincing ghost photos that I’ve ever seen.  I mean, it’s obviously not really a ghost, but surely someone should post it onto a supernatural investigations forum and get my blog lots of visits.  Selfish.

Not iPad related, but very, very true.  Please check it out.

A Netbook? – 9th August 2010

Despite knowing that I would have absolutely loved the iPad, had I bought one, it just proved too expensive and too limited for me to take the plunge.

Oh, how young and naive I was.

There are also some real advantages over the iPad, such as vastly increased storage space and true multi-tasking of apps.  One example is when I recorded the latest episode of my podcast on Saturday.  I was able to record using the in-built mic straight into (free) Audacity editing software.  I then was able to add my tags and photo in iTunes, before FTPing the file up to Podbean, my hosting site.  I was then able to create posts for the podcast on both Podbean and WordPress simultaneously.  I was listening to Spotify as I did it all.

I won’t even mention that it is Flash enabled, but it is.  Actually, even the Express Gate OS is Flash enabled.

This is all true, but it was ultimately just so much self-justification.  Also, the multi-tasking is now pretty good on iOS.  However, I do still need my netbook for Sopcast access and podcast editing (should I ever record another), so it wasn’t completely wasted money.  Notebooks are a bit lame, though.  I would have been better with a new full size laptop as well as an iPad, to be honest.

Ten Predictions for 2011 – 29th December 2010

2.  Apple will surpass their own hype when they surprisingly release the iPad 3 several months before the launch of the iPad 2.  New features include the ability to “print” bacon from a special slot and a cup holder.

Sadly, I was incorrect. I would have loved printed bacon.  Come on, Apple, get your act together.

Conclusions

I bloody love it.

The only downside at the moment is that I’m completely addicted to using it.  I know that is good from the perspective of getting my money’s worth, but it kind of stops me from doing anything else. Primarily, it stops me from watching telly, and we all know how important that is.  Oh, iPad.  You are a cruel mistress, but I love thee.

Some Rubbish About Blogging

I was asked last week who I fancied most from off of the telly. It seems a simple question, but you can’t just answer flippantly. What if you just dive in there and then forget about someone you particularly have your eye on, and then you remember, but you’ve already left the person who asked you. They’d never know the truth! It’s doesn’t bear thinking about.

Luckily I was able to go with my stock answer of Holly Willoughby and the matter was closed. Or was it? In the back of my mind, I knew there was someone else on TV that I had recently declared “mega-fit”, but I couldn’t think who it was. It was a literal and metaphorical nightmare. I said nothing more to my companion, but, deep inside, all was not well. At this juncture, I’d like to confirm the following points:

a) The person who asked me a question was a girl, so I wasn’t being a sexualist.

and

2) There is a point to all this. Please bear with me.

A couple of days later, I realised that the name I had been searching for was Sarah Shahi. Never heard of her? Google her now.

Done?

Yeah, she’s amazing, isn’t she? She’s currently starring in Fairly Legal (Sundays, 8pm, Universal Channel) if you’d like to see her moving and talking. And why wouldn’t you?

After making my realisation, I remembered that I had mentioned her on this blog a few times, when she was appearing in cop-show, Life. I searched the blog and had a read of those old posts where she was mentioned. Surprisingly, I found myself really enjoying them. I decided to read some more of my television-themed posts and ended up totally engrossed in them. I think I read them all.

So, what did I learn from this experience? Firstly, it showed the power of having a blog as a diary. It was amazing what memories came flooding back, even if those memories were essentially just what happened in TV shows.

More importantly, I discovered that my old posts were actually much better than I had given myself credit for. I won’t say too much more for fear of sounding arrogant, but they were bloody great. Plus, there’s nothing more rewarding than laughing at your own jokes.

In a recent post, I pondered my lack of hits recently and came to the conclusion that it was due to a lack of regular updates. Whilst this is likely to have had an effect, I realised that I have stopped writing about actual stuff. Hopefully in the near future I’ll resurrect some of my old blogging topics and blow you away in a flurry of wordage. Stay tuned, blog-lovers.

iPad

SPRING BREAK: Woooooooooooo!

I’ve got an iPad woohoo.
I’m typing this post on it now..
Yeee hah.
This isn’t going to make any sense. Oh no.
I don’t care.
I’m disproportionately happy..

Hehe

See you later, guys.

Woop woop, it’s the sound of the police.

BBC Radio Pub Quiz

Ok, I know I’m banging on a bit about this now, but let me have my moment of glory.  Last night, I made a guest appearance on BBC Radio Leeds\Yorkshire’s Late Show, thanks to my good friend, and 6 Music legend, Vic McGlynn.  I was asking some pub quiz questions that were anything other than your traditional quiz questions (i.e. it was me being really stupid).

If you’d like to listen, then check out this link (presumably for the next 7 days):

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/console/p00g19pw

The quiz starts at 1:25:00 into the show. Enjoy.

P.s.

I’m not suggesting that you start a campaign to plead with the BBC to get the pub quiz as a regular show on one of their national networks. I’m not suggesting that at all.

P.p.s.

The photo above was very much a staged publicity-style shot  taken for vanity-based reasons and in no way represents what really happened during the broadcast.

Spotify on iPhone 2: The Update

Image representing Spotify as depicted in Crun...

Image via CrunchBase

Incredibly, I started writing this post on the 14th October 2009.  No, really.  For some reason I struggled with it at the time and instead came up with Poster’s Block.  Anyway, I’m not one for giving up, so I’m finally going to complete it.  I can’t promise that it’s not going to be a bit half-hearted.

The post is a follow up to Spotify on iPhone – the story of me signing up for a premium Spotify account.  Now, in the world of gadgetry, 18 months is a long time and there’s no guarantee that this post will still be relevant.  Indeed, I don’t even have an iPhone anymore.  Don’t fret, though, I do still have a Spotify premium account and I use it every day with my HTC Wildfire.  I bet I had you worried for a minute.

At the time of this post’s conception, I probably had a long list of pros and cons about the service and the Spotify app itself.  A year and a half of usage has melted any of these concerns away; Spotify is brilliant. Having access to whatever music I want, wherever I want, without having to worry about downloading, or backing it up, or syncing is amazing.  Sure it’s a pay service, and that puts a lot of people off, but it works at 30p a day.  It’s an absolute bargain.

What more do you need to know?

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