Carphone Warehouse – Unable to Complain
September 27, 2011 4 Comments
I had planned to send one of my scathing consumer affairs e-mails today, based on the following package:
Just For You.
Thank you for being our customer. We know everyone loves chocolate, so here’s a little gift to show our appreciation.
The e-mail would have gone something like this:
Dear Mr Carphone-Warehouse
I am writing to you on behalf of my girlfriend. Yesterday, she received a package (through the post) from yourself. It was emblazoned with the slogan: “JUST FOR YOU”. Filled with a heady mixture of excitetude and intriguedeness, she hastily opened the cardboard vessel. I was not present at this cataclysmic event, but, being a man of sufficient imagination, I have re-lived the look of abject terror that afflicted her otherwise placid countenance. Within the parcel lay a bar of chocolate.
Not only thus, but, indeed, another slogan emblazoned the interior, screaming “everyone loves chocolate”. Oh, how wrong you are. Not everyone loves chocolate, at all. Indubitably, my fair maiden does not indeed “love” chocolate, nor even like it. As such, I have these specific three complaints:
- How DARE you generalise the entire populace to such a degree! It is bordering on racism.
- How DARE you send confectionary to my beloved. Are you clumsily attempting to “get off” with “my bird”?
- Are you a feeder? Are you trying to make her so fat that she has no choice but to live in an especially enlargened house and be beholden to your services FOREVER??
You, Sir, are a fiend.
Yours,
Sherby57.
p.s.
I LOVE chocolate. Your choice of the Lindt Excellence “Extra Creamy” is simply superb. It’s amazing that I didn’t stuff it all into my face at once.
I headed over to the complaints section of the Carphone Warehouse web-site and was horrified to discover that in order to make a complaint that I need to submit:
- Name
- E-mail address
- First line of address
- Postcode
- Telephone Number
- Security Question: “What is the name of your bank used for direct debit?” OR “What is the make and model of your mobile phone?”
Call me cynical, but they appear to be harvesting data even as part of their complaints process. To make matters worse, the COMPLAINTS FORM contains a tick box for “Tick the box if you’d like us to contact you with offers and info including our monthly eNewsletter.” ON THE COMPLAINTS FORM!!
Suffice to say, I did not fill this form in, but I share the complaint with your goodselves. May God have mercy on my soul.
About sherby57
Do you know i fantasise about receiving bars of chocolate in the post. i feel your usual good judgement is slightly off today – it is not like they sent your “girlfriend” a dog poo. however i have some genunine concerns that your “girlfriend” does not like chocolate! I think she may be an alien be careful!
You know, I have no problem with people being sent chocolate bars unannounced, but surely any such company has a duty of care to ensure that the recipient actually “loves” chocolate. The distress caused was almost noticeable.
I’m worried by your use of “”girlfriend”" instead of “girlfriend”. Of course I just mean “girlfriend” and not girlfriend, but then that would be confusing. Anyway, my point is, are you saying that she’s not real?
Whoops sorry forgot to mention what i really wanted to say. in similar fashion i sent an email complaint to vodafone and received an email back basically telling me to shut up however “please note that we will retain your email address for future correspondence and internal and third party marketing purposes.” ooooh the anger i felt!!
Absolutely ridiculous!! How dare they!! No, really, HOW DARE THEY! It seems that customer care must take second place to a company’s need to generate mailing lists. I’m assuming you weren’t complaining about chocolate.