Virgin Media – An Open Letter

After my last outing of Consumer Queries, I almost gave up because I felt like a bit of an arsehole harassing these companies with nonsense.  Luckily, Bickle77 left the following comment:

In all likelihood they probably don’t think you’re a cock. I deal with emails from members of the public all the time and its amazingly refreshing to read one that is unusually worded or features amusing prose, rather than the usual “You’re shit” or “fix it now you twat” etc etc.

With such words of encouragement, I feel compelled to continue my fight against consumer injustice.

This morning, I received a “To the occupier” letter from Virgin Media offering their services.   I don’t live in a cable area, but the letter claimed I did.  It’s not the first letter I’ve had from them saying this.  I double check EVERY TIME to see whether I now live in a fully fibre optic area, depsite them not having dug up the roads on my estate.  They’re such teases.

I thought it was about time I contacted them about them being so annoying, but I couldn’t (I’ll explain why).   Instead, I present an open letter:

Dear Mr\Mrs\Miss V. Media,

You’ll probably never read this as it’s only appearing on my blog, but that’s the way you like it, isn’t it?  I attempted to e-mail you today, from your web-site, but couldn’t.  Despite selecting “I am not a customer”, your contact form insisted on me putting in my Virgin Media account number.  Are you idiots or was this done on purpose?  I guess I’ll never know.

Anyway, as to my complaint.  Well, it’s because you said that I lived in a cable area when I don’t.  I’ve already explained all this above, just go and read it.  Whenever I see these letters, I live in hope that you’ve somehow enabled me for fibre optic broadband.  I have to admit that despite your TV service being rubbish – no offence – your broadband is ace.  Oh, how I want it.

But, no.  You have to tease.  It’s getting ridiculous.  Just stop it.  That’s all I have to say to you. Stop it, or just install bleeding fibre optic cables down my street.  I think that would be the least you could do with all the emotional stress you’ve caused me.

You know what?  You offer the option of “normal” broadband in my area and it’s possible that it’s a superior product.  But, I’ll never use it because YOU KEEP LYING TO ME! YOU’RE BREAKING MY HEART WITH YOUR FILTHY LIES!!!

I hate you.

Yours sincerely,

Sherby57