Absolute Shower

I went to the gym yesterday in attempt to burn off some of the Christmas chocolate.  Whilst there, I encountered two breaches of shower etiquette.  Firstly, there was the old man (it’s always an old man), whose washing technique involved bending over and pulling his cheeks apart.  I don’t know if his reasons for this pose were arthritic or purely pervy, but there’s no excuse either way.

The second “incident” happened when I was leaving the shower.  I went to retrieve my towel, leaving my toiletries and locker key on the little tray thing.  Some may argue that I shouldn’t have hogged the shower, but I think it’s perfectly acceptable.  There’s nowhere to put your shower gel near the towel hooks and it’s essential to at least partially dry before returning to the changing room.  Anyway, as I turned to retrieve my things, another man gets under my shower without acknowledging that my stuff is there.  I gingerly approach and say something along the lines, “Excuse me, mate, can I just get my stuff.”  He completely blanked me.  At this point, I had no choice but to reach for my possessions as he showered, and he still didn’t flinch or register my presence, despite a clearly awkward and potentially homo-erotic moment.

There’s no conclusion to this tale other than the following question:  was he ignoring me as an attempt to force me into close proximity, did he ignore me as he was totally freaked out about showered near to other men, or was he just a cock?  I guess we’ll never know.

After my traumatic experiences, I trotted off to Asda (I needed some Corn Flakes, if you must know).  As I passed the George section, I saw a man pointing out a t-shirt to his wife that read: “Who ate all the pies?”, before erupting with a genuine belly laugh.  At that instant, I was simultaneously moved by the simple joy that he was able to glean from this seemingly innocuous item of clothing; whilst also appalled that anyone could think “Who ate all the pies?” was in any way amusing.

It was a very confusing day.