Team Extreme – Episode 3: Cozzy’s Caravan

It’s been over a month since the last installment of Team Extreme.  Like a fine wine, you simply can’t rush these things.  You also have to give the chaps chance to have adventures in order for me to write about them.  I know you all love T.E., but you’re going to to have to learn to be more patient.

Team Extreme hurtled along the motorway in a fully-loaded Extremobile.  Along with the usual stash of Uzi 9mm’s and phased plasma rifles (in the 40w range), there were buckets, spades and deckchairs.  Young JLS had even brought along a picnic including some delicious cakes made by his lovely girlfriend.  Eed insisted that he didn’t want a cake because he’d had a big breakfast.  Big Poppa P wasn’t so sure.  He felt that Eed was looking extremely gaunt.  It was all very worrying.  Yes, Team Extreme were heading for the seaside.

It wasn’t just a pleasant day trip for our dashing heroes.  No, the team were investigating the alleged ghost that Cozzy had spotted in their Anglesey HQ\caravan.  They had hoped to bring along distinguished scouse medium Derek Acroah to help out, but this wasn’t possible for fear of legal ramifications.   Instead, they had drafted in local Welsh psychic (and POB’s cousin), Taffy “Spooky” O’Baffy.

Upon arrival at the secure location\camp-site, the team disembarked from their magnificent vehicular vehicle.  Goot immediately looked to establish a wifi connection, hoping to get a line-of-sight connection to T.E.H.Q. back in Warrington.   He was very optimistic when it came to these things.    JLS and Webbo started unpacking the picnic and deck chairs.  Sure, they had a ghost to catch, but this didn’t mean that they couldn’t try and get a tan too.  POB met up with Spooky, and the old comrades embraced.  The familial resemblance was striking; they both had identical muzzys.  Cozzy looked terrified.  Seeing the ghost had really freaked him out and he was reluctant to return.  He strapped a proton pack to his back (actually a hand-held vacuum cleaner) and inched closer to the caravan.  He slowly slid the key into the lock and gently opened the door.  Nothing happened.

Big Poppa P, something of a sceptic, marched straight into the caravan and determined that there was no spectral presence and commenced with the festivities of making a brew.  Soon afterwards, POB and Spooky entered the tin shack and the medium immediately began convulsing and seemingly received messages from the other side.  He claimed that the spirit had once tried to have a massive dump on the chemical toilet and had slipped.  The corrosive faeces-melting chemicals instantly dissolved his body.  His soul had remained trapped ever since.  Big Poppa P pointed out that the caravan had a flushing toilet and so he was clearly lying.  Spooky’s face flushed (much like a toilet) and his shame was evident.  He admitted that he did it just because he wanted a bit of attention and hoped that somebody would buy him some Crispy Pancakes for helping them talk to dead relatives.  It seemed as though things were done and dusted until Cozzy pointed out that he had still seen a ghost! Could it be that there was still a haunting a happening?

No.  Big Poppa P simply used his Columboesque skills to see what was really happened.  Cozzy had a framed photo of David Hasselhoff on the caravan wall and this had been knocked off onto the kitchen floor.  In a drunken stupor, Cozzy had mistaken the Knight Rider star’s face as the manifestation of a man who got melted by a toilet.  It was a mistake that anyone could make.

With the business all sorted within 3 minutes, Team Extreme settled down to enjoy their picnic and the sun.  Spooky was sent home for being a bit of a dick.  It was a wonderful day… until they received some distressing news.

…to be continued.

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Are you new to Team Extreme and are unsure of all the different characters?  You can check out the fact files for the gang, here:

POB, Hitchers, JLS and Goot: here

Eed, Webbo, Theo, Cozzy and Big Poppa P (avec beard): here

Hot Toddy, Mr Norris and Andre: here

You can buy a Team Extreme t-shirt, here.

You can read all the Team Extreme Posts by clicking here.