Disturbing Showers and Mid-Month Stats Update
April 16, 2010 8 Comments
It’s Friday night and I can’t be bothered to blog. I didn’t post on here yesterday and if I go two days without a post then the world might end. What’s a boy to do?
A half-hearted waffly post, you say? What a super idea.
Well it’s one week ago today that I joined the gym and remarkably I’m still going. Apologies to anyone who had less than a week in the sweep. It’s going OK so far and I was even coming to terms with the whole communal showering thing, until this morning. I happened to glance at the checklist that the staff have to complete when checking the state of the changing rooms. One of the things that they have to ensure is that “Showers and floor tiles are free of body fat.” Body fat? Am I missing something about the way fat works? Does it come out of your pores when you shower? I genuinely don’t understand what this is about but it’s certainly freaked me out.
Anyway, I don’t really want to think about that any more, so I’ll change the subject to blog stats. It’s always fascinating to see how many people have (or haven’t) been reading your stuff. Sometimes it’s a bit depressing. So far this month PSGOM has had 343 hits. If it continues at this rate then I’ll have had about half the number of hits as last month. What’s the explanation for this dramatic drop off? Can one person going on holiday really have made such a difference? Has the quality of my posts fell by half? I don’t really understand it. I’d like to think that it was because my blog is so good that people are scared to read it too often, but who can say for sure?
Anyway, I could try and analyse what has gone wrong but I’m getting tired and I need some tea.
About sherby57
First can I congratulate you on your one week anniversary of going the gym. Which one are you going to? I hope you are wearing the appropriate sports wear and sensible trainers. Your reference to body fat has led my imagination to run away with itself. Could you imagine going to a gym, having a workout, showering and watching a load of your body fat drain away down the plug hole. I think you would be more inspired to go the gym if that was to happen. Maybe you could bottle the excreeted fat so you could monitor your personal progress (and of course at the same time help the cleaners at the gym by eliminating the “clean up body fat” task from their daily routine.
Many thanks. It’s nice to get some recognition for my hard work. Hopefully someone will be kind enough to buy me some kind of medal. It’s the least I deserve.
I’ve joined DW Fitness. I’ve even been going before work. Yes, I’ve changed. My attire has been first class; it’s mainly been leotards and crop tops. I look immense. My trainers are very sensible. I bought them from Clark’s.
The fat thing is mental, but it would definitely be motivational to see it draining away, if not a little disgusting. I might apply for a patent for a fat\shower drainage system. I could make my fortune.
I’m still reading despite being on holiday, so it can’t be that. How are things with you? You’ve been very quiet. Thought I might get the odd e-mail or text but it seems you’ve been preoccupied with pre-work workout calisthentics! LOL. You’re such a rogue.
It’s reet hot here, and I’m not sure when I’ll be back cos of volcanoes innit. I have been dreaming up blog posts, and then forgetting them, which is hardly helpful.
take care sherbs
A xxx
Hello dearest
If you’re still reading then I must have just become incredibly unpopular generally! I’m good thanks, all those early morning sweat sessions have boosted my levels of pheromones to such heights that I’m almost permanently devilish. Or something.
I thought that you were incommunicado as you didn’t give me three rings to let me know that you got there safely. I didn’t even think of the e-mail option, so the gym is possibly rotting my mind. Although, to be fair, you haven’t e-mailed me either, and you’ve got the luxury of pool-side laptops (I imagine)!
Heat is a well known anti-blog memory agent, which is why I prefer to write in an air-conditioned hermetically sealed eco-chamber. I’m sure that as you return to a more temperate climate that you brain will reintegrate these ideas into your memory-palace.
Hope you’re having a good time xx
I imagine on my return I will hardy recogise you, save your ‘I heart Kowalksi’ badge and your girls bangle. Yes, there’s eight poolside laptops to every lazy cow but the sweat dripping off my top lip rather hampers the functioning of the damned gadgets.
Was i meant to give you three rings? I do apologise for my rudeness. The twelve hours it took to get here addled my brain and I slipped in a dimension that I can only refer to in hushed tones. Suffice to say it’s ruler is a rather canny Sri Lankan called Mala who folds my pyjamas in a way that makes me feel like I’ve just stoked a velvety puppy.
Still not brown. The heat is literally cracking the flags but refuses to turn my sallow skin the colour of burnished gold.
laterz, if I ever get home
Dr. A x
As I’ve only been going to the gym for a week and a half, I think you’ll probably just about be able to recognise me. I will wear my Kowalski badge and be carrying a bangle that belongs to a girl, just in case.
8 laptops each? I guess you’re only staying in a 3-star hotel – I expect nothing less than 11 laptops available for my immediate consumption on all those exciting holidays that I never go on. The lip sweatage must be an absolute nightmare, though. I imagine that you’re on your 20th bottle of lip inflator by now.
I was waiting patiently by my 1970s style beige telephone for up to 4 days waiting for the 3 rings. I was literally worried sick. I didn’t see any hijacking stories on the news, so I was eventually able to get on with my normal life. If only we all had a Mala for pyjama folding purposes. Wouldn’t the world be a much better place? Unless you were called Mala.
You must be a bit brown. I think you’re suffering from some crazy skin dysmorphic disorder. Don’t worry, I will give you some counselling when you return. Literally.
Sherbs
x
Sadly, I’m scraping the last remnants out of my sally Hansen lip inflator and have been reduced to rubbing my lips with chilli and paprika. It doesn’t work but it makes a lovely marinade.
Mala made me an amazing spinach dahl and coconut green beans. I think she might be a genius.
I’m finally turning a ‘healthy’ shade of brown. My skin colour has been a topic of ridicule here and it’s been hotly discussed why my skin does not change colour, including that i might be a ‘secret ginger’. I’m hoping all my freckles will join up soon creating the bronze goddess illusion.
Right, I’m dreaming up a blog post called ‘Sandy Adonis’ and hope to bring it to WoS soon.
See thee soon sherbs.
A xx
Oh the humanity! Sally Hansen is one of life’s essentials. It’s more important than food and water. Are you really resorting to chilli and paprika? If it makes a lovely marinade then it kind of suggests that you’re going around kissing raw meat!
Have you thought of a plan for smuggling Mala back with you in your suitcases (one of your many suitcases)? I’m sure you’ll be gutted to say goodbye to her.
Can you not just tell people that you use factor 1000 sun cream because you’ve got a skin disease? They should be made to feel guilty for ridiculing you. I think that Secret Ginger is going to be the title of my first novel. I imagine that if you played dot-to-dot with your freckles then it would reveal the face of Kowalski.
I’m enjoying the whole concept of our public private e-mail conversation. It’s like being able to read all the letters between the Mitford sisters or the diary of Ann Frank.
I’ll literally see you soon
S xx