Bit Of A Twit

June 30, 2009 4 Comments

I’ve gone and done something that I thought I’d never do – I’ve joined Twitter.  I know it’s extremely trendy at the moment to be tweeting all the time, but I object to it for two reasons:

1)  The whole point of it is to get ‘followers’.  I won’t get any followers. Therefore to tweet is madness.

2) It’s a little too much like doing Facebook status updates, which as a rule I try and avoid as they come across as slightly unhinged and attention seeking:  ”Steven thinks that he might get up and make a brew in a minute, but he’s not sure because he doesn’t know if he is quite thirsty enough. Hmmm I might have a biscuit instead, although I don’t know what kind to have…” etc etc.

The reason I succumbed was that you can have your latest tweets appear on your blog, and I thought it might be quite a nice way to do mini-updates.  I’ve created an account for each blog, you can find them here:

http://twitter.com/sherby57

and

http://twitter.com/poursomegravyon

You can also see the last five tweets in the column to the right of this post.  That’s unless I’ve deleted my accounts by the time you read this.  I’ve already started to slightly regret creating them.   Maybe I’ll keep you updated on my feelings on my Twitter accounts by using Twitter.  Very post modern.

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Mark Steel @ The Brindley – 26th June

June 29, 2009 1 Comment

Mark Steel Ticket

Last Friday saw my second visit to Runcorn’s The Brindley, this time to see Mark Steel (read about my first visit to watch Paul Kerensa here).  This time, it was in the larger 400-seater theatre (as opposed to the weird school gym style room), which is a lovely modern room with comfy seats and an intimate atmosphere – overall, a great place to watch comedy.

I’d always enjoyed The Mark Steel Lectures, and have read one of his books, It’s Not A Runner Bean…, so I was looking forward to the show.  And luckily, I enjoyed it!  There was some good topical stuff (Michael Jackson, obviously), and some good local stuff (mainly having a go at Runcorn, which was taken in good spirit), and some good stuff generally.  It also helps that he is one of those comedians that is interesting to listen to even when he’s not doing the funny bits.  The only distracting thing was that he kept his denim jacket on throughout the performance, despite it being approximately 400 degrees in there.  Crazy.

All in all, it was a good night, and I don’t have too much more to say! If you’re wondering why this is such a poor review, then read the explanation, here.

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Sex Sells: The Mr Banana Penis Story

June 25, 2009 6 Comments

If there’s one thing I’ve learned in life, it’s this: Bloggin’ ain’t easy.

Actually that’s not true at all.  Blogging is very easy, it’s getting someone to read your blog that’s hard.  Thanks to those talented chaps at WordPress (where both my blogs are hosted), I can actually see how few hits I’ve been getting.  For PSGOM, my average number of hits for the last week is 0.71.  I’ve actually been fair and not included today, which hasn’t finished yet, and this has marked me down – I’ve had a whole 8 hits today which would have taken me over a full hit per day average (woo-hoo!).

Over at The World of Sherby57, things are slightly healthier with a average hit rate of 16 per day, for the last week.  It seems obvious that I’d be getting more hits over there – I’ve been doing it longer and there are a lot more posts.  I do, however, also have a secret weapon: Mr Banana Penis.

On the 20th August 2007, I posted the lovely story ‘Genetic Engineering – Has It Gone Too Far?‘, primarily to take advantage of this strange photo I had taken of a mate:

Mr Banana Penis

Luckily for me, people with banana penises must be very popular out there.  This post has had by far the most number of hits on the blog, a total of 1768 as I type this (plus another 280 hits from two related posts.  The next most popular post is Geordie Jeans, which has had 356 hits.  The figures rapidly go downhill from there.  On PSGOM, the top ranking post is currently Food Update, which has had a paltry 14 hits (and is literally just a photo of a Toby Carvery meal).

It’s true what they say: sex sells.

WordPress also allows me to see what people put in to the search engine to find my blog.  It’s actually quite remarkable what some people search for.  If you are brave, have a look at Penis Frenzy, where I document some of the phrases people used to find Mr Banana Penis.  Some of my favourites include: ‘jesus penis’, ‘female penis’, and ‘international penis’.  These were collated back in February 2008, and there have been plenty of cock-phrases since.  Some recent examples are:

  • what does a penis look like
  • foto wajah penis
  • human penis
  • donkey penis
  • penis human

The sad thing (from my point of view), is that whoever is looking for these things is looking for masturbatory material, and so will instantly leave the site (unless the banana penis does something for them).

It seems sightly weird, even to me, that I’m writing an explanation of how few hits I’m getting, given that, since I’m getting so few hits it’s unlikely anyone will ever read this (although, I think that last sentence sums up the whole ethos of blogging).  Plus you never know, I may get a few extra cock-related hits from this post.  It’s just a shame that they will all be from people looking for something else entirely.

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I Don’t Like To Brag, But…

June 17, 2009 1 Comment

Proud E-mails

Excerpt from the Daily Star, Friday 7th April 2006:

E-MAILS MAKE ME PROUD

“I don’t think I have ever had as many orgasms in one sitting as I had in the 12 hours I spent with SP a few nights ago.  Truly amazing.  I am still sore.  And finding it a little difficult to walk.  But a good price to pay for 20+ climaxes.”

Now, the lady who wrote this article is using a pseudonym, so I can’t be sure this is about me.  But I am quite happy to assume it is.

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MBM – Whoopsie In My Beret

June 12, 2009 1 Comment

mbm beret

The cat’s done a whoopsie in my beret!

 

mbm cat

In addition to having an interesting label, please feel free to draw elsewhere on the bottle – hence creating “Milk Bottle Art”.   It helps to wipe the bottle with a paper towel prior to drawing to remove any excess condensation.  It’s also advisable to use a permanent marker should you wish your creation to last. 

P.s.

Did Frank Spencer ever actually say: ‘The cat’s done a whoopsie in my beret”? Or was it one of these things that was made up my impressionists?

If you’d like to learn more about the Milk Bottle Manifesto, then click here.

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MBM – I Like To Wear Silk

June 10, 2009 3 Comments

mbm silk

 

This is my milk….I like to wear silk xxx

 

If you’d like to learn more about the Milk Bottle Manifesto, then click here.

 

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Milk Bottle Manifesto

June 9, 2009 62 Comments

Office fridges, up and down the country, are plagued with the same disease: boring milk bottle labels.   It usually gets no more exciting than “Accounts Team”, “Mike’s Milk” or “PJ”; frankly, it’s just not good enough.

The Milk Bottle Manifesto is out to change the way that people label milk.   Why not put a quote from your favourite book on the label? Or, a lovely drawing of an otter. Why not declare your love from someone (even if you don’t love them).  You could even just write something random, that’s funny only to you (the last one is my particular favourite).

Join in today. Go on, do it.  You might just make the working day slightly more bearable.

To help give you inspiration, I will be posting some of my own efforts over the coming weeks and months.  Join the revolution – spice up your milk bottle today.

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Francis Rossi – Traitor?

June 8, 2009 2 Comments

My good friend JLS has given my this disturbing leaflet, that I believe he found lying around the office:

Sir Francis Rossi

It looks like a Francis Rossi themed melon will be off the menu at the upcoming Blumenstyle banquet.  In fact, it appears that the allegations are so serious that he may have his “GHD” title removed.   One puzzling element to the leaflet is that is is accusing Rossi of heresy, and yet is covered in love hearts.  I think I need someone to explain the symbology to me.  Answers on a postcard please.

P.S.

Just for once, it’s not me that created this leaflet.  I am only guilty of publishing it on the world wide web (aka internet).

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Yahoo Mail on IPhone

June 7, 2009 1 Comment

I’m somewhat in love with my IPhone, and believe it is the world’s second greatest invention (with first place going to Sky Plus – obviously).   One of the great things about it, it the way it seamlessly integrated my Yahoo! Mail account, and though I’m hardly reliant on it, it is a very handy feature.

Which is why is was so annoying when it suddenly stopped working yesterday; coming up with a message that “user name or password is incorrect”, even though I hadn’t changed either.  After confirming that I could access the account OK on my laptop, I did a bit of googling, and found this Yahoo! Answers thread:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090606050943AAzbmXS

Some people with the same problem but no answers. I checked again today and saw the advice from “da la mon” to set up the account via the “Your Mobile” feature.  This did get me back working technically, but there are definitely a few caveats. 

If you’re having this problem, you need to log in to Yahoo! Mail on your PC, and click the “Your Mobile” link towards the top right of the screen.  You have to provide your password, and then some details about your mobile phone, including the phone number.  This then sends you an activation code on a text message, which you enter.  It then offers to take you through a tutorial on setting up the account.  Now, even if you are fairly competent technically, it’s well worth going through this process as the settings are not entirely straightforward.   For example, you don’t set it up as a “Yahoo! Mail” account but as an “Other”.  Please pay attention to the settings, as you no longer put in your actual e-mail address, but a new one that is generated based on your phone number.

Also, the password you have to put in is NOT the password you use to log in to the account normally.   I possibly missed where this is stated during the set up, as I did not realise until later.  I had set up the account following the tutorial, but assumed that the password was my normal one.  Once the settings were entered and I tried to test, it complained saying that the user name or password was incorrect.  By chance, I read the welcome e-mail that they send as a test (I read it on my PC), and noticed that it contained a different pasword.  Once I put this password in it connected OK.

It’s all slightly more complicated than just putting your username and password in as was done previously.

Even when you’re up and running, things are not great.  Firstly, you only get to see Inbox & Sent Items, and not all your subfolders as you could before.   You also only see the messages sent and received since the account was set up, unlike seeing your most recent 50 messages, as before.  This is a real annoyance for anyone who files their e-mails away for future reference.

Even worse, when you send an e-mail from your phone, it comes from the new phone-number based address, rather than your Yahoo address. This means you are effectively advertising your phone number to anyone you happen to e-mail.  If you are sending a message to someone you don’t know that well, this is not too advisable.

I can only assume that this is a new security measure by Yahoo, but it’s really disappointing.  To my knowledge, there have been no warning e-mails to say that this was going to happen, and has presumably left a lot of people unable to work.  Perhaps, it is just a glitch, but there seems to still be remarkably little info around about it.  If anyone knows a a way to get this working in the old way, then it would be much appreciated.

P.S.

This post may seem like something of a departure from my normal posts.  Basically, I left an answer on the Yahoo Answers thread, and felt it was a waste not to turn it in to a post.  Rest assured, normal service will be resumed shortly.

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Cheese Fascism

June 6, 2009 1 Comment

The fight against Cheese Fascism continues.

On Sunday evening, it got to that point where I decided it was too late for me to cook anything for tea (it was only about 7 o’clock – but it was a Sunday).   However, I couldn’t decide what kind of delicious fast food I wanted to gorge on.  I set off in the car with no clear destination in mind, and being in a particularly indecisive mood, I found myself at the chippy by default.  

I decided that, for a change, I’d have a burger and chips.  Having this ‘meal’ from the chippy holds the following advantages over your normal burger joint,  namely: a nicer burger that you can see them cook, you get chippy chips (nicer and larger quantity than ‘fries’), and it’s generally cheaper.  There is however one downside, and it’s a doozie…….Cheese.

Chip shops insist on putting cheese on every burger you buy, regardless of whether you’ve asked for it, or even if you have specifically asked not to have it.  This seems the case for every chippy I’ve ever been too, as if the National Convention of Chip-Shop Fryers have decreed that it should be so.  

This annoys me so much that I almost decided to get something else, but when the guy asked me for my order, I panicked and ordered a burger.  The conversation went like this:

Chip Shop Man: What would you like?

ME: Quarter-pounder and chips please.

CSM: Would you like everything on your cheeseburger?

ME: I don’t want cheese.

CSM: Oh, you want a beef burger?

ME: Yes please.

Well, I felt somewhat aggrieved that the ‘cheese conversation’ had taken place, but this was off-set by the gratification that the ‘cheese phenomenon’ wasn’t imaginary.  I was also pleased that we had had such a definite conversation, surely I was ‘cheese safe’ now.   To put my mind further at ease, he wrote it on a slip of paper – 1 x BB 1 x C – and stuck it next to the griddle.

All was well.  I spotted one of the girls working in the chippy put some cheese on some other burgers but I had surreptiously sidled up to the counter and checked mine was safe. It was.  I started to relax a little, when, out of the corner of my eye, I saw CSM brandishing a synthetic slice of cheesey hell.  Before I could react, he was off out the back of the shop.  I checked – my burger had indeed been infected.  In a state of girly panic, I summoned one of the other employees: ‘Miss!! Miss!! The bad man has contaminated my precious burger. Please make it stop. Please!!’  OK, these weren’t my exact words, but they might as well have been.  Luckily, the helpful assistant retrieved the offending article before any real damage had been done (melting!).   I was literally a shell of a man as I left the establishment with my lovely fried food, and even though no taste remained, that solitary slice had tainted my meal. 

Why does this continue to happen in a modern democratic society?  Haven’t our scandal-ridden MPs done enough damage, without letting people run amok with cheese? Don’t they realise that not everyone likes putrid congealed milk?  The whole business leaves me saddened and sickened.

I urge you to join me in fighting this evil, and hope that you will join CACF – Citizens Against Cheese Fascism.  Your country needs you.

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